sex – A Submissive East Asian Woman's Dreams and Fantasies

The adventures of a very depraved Asian mother and her half Asian son

My soul is a consumed by a gentle fire, surrendered to the intoxicating whirlwinds of emotions of love, lust, sinful hunger, fueled by the flames of forbidden love.

I would die of shame if anyone ever find out.

I’m, just as you are, disgusted of myself. I hated myself for the depravity that I stoop myself in. I wish I was not born this way. I wish I was normal. I wish.

Yet this is my life.

So today I sucked my son’s cock while he was on the phone with his girlfriend.

There is this girlfriend my son had met in college that he’s been frequently hooking up with and today while my son and I were having some intimate movements together—I had his entire cock down my throat—his phone rang. It was his girlfriend. He ignored it at first but then she called again. I told my son, “It’s fine, answer it,” and reassured him that I would be quiet.

He pushed my mouth further down on his cock and answered.

I was a bit jealous, to be honest, and I kept trying to make him moan while he was talking to her as I deep throated his cock and intentionally made loud slurping sounds—breaking my promise to him I know—and I could tell she was asking him what that sound was. He brushed it off by saying he was picking something up.

The hottest part was when he told her “I love you” at the exact moment his cum was filling my mouth.

I know I should feel bad but for some reason I just feel turned on by it.

Mommy always knows what her son needs.

Because I truly believe no woman can love my son, can know my son, as intimately, as privately, as much, as I do. And as his mother, it’s my duty to teach him how to please women. But I know, I also know, that, in the end, I’m just a fool, that I’m risking a love that is never meant to be. Even as the flames of our passion burned bright and fierce, the broader society and the wider world will simply never accept us for who we are.

Despite of all the clamors in this world about acceptance, about love, about diversity and equality, I’m still an outlier, an outsider to the loving, tolerant society that I live in. This world can accept gays, transgender, fat people, and pink haired weirdos, I know, but they can never accept me, a sinful Asian woman.

Forbidden love’s sweet bait from fearful hooks.

All my sense of reason melted away, replaced by an intoxicating rush of desire, as I felt his warm embrace. I betray the trust of those who are close to me, the norm of this society. I broke the Biblical promise, the covenant of Nature, the rightful laws of God and the guidance of the Son of Man.

I want to become a slut for my son and entertain his friends as well.

My son and I just had some wonderful sex and we were relaxing naked in bed. I scrolled through my camera roll showing him some cute memories I had in the past. My heart dropped as I scrolled through the video cover photo of a very sexual video in my photos. It was a clip from a wild weekend where I was taking three white men with large cocks. He grabbed my hand preventing me from scrolling pass it, and said, very firmly, “What is that?”

He clicked the video so he could see for himself. I froze as the video began.

As he watched, his eyes flickered between my naked body and the video. For a moment, I could sense a flash of anger in his eyes, but it was quickly replaced by something else. An intense, kinky, deviant desire. He watched the white men grunt as they pounded my pussy and asshole. Their hands were pulling my hair and twisting my nipples as they took turns using me for their pleasure.

All the while I was moaning and I writhed beneath them, sandwiched, happily accepting my place as an Asian whore for white cocks.

He breathed heavier as he watched, his cock growing steadily. He couldn’t help himself, I could sense, seeing me like that, being completely submissive to three white men who were not his dad. He began touching his cock as he watched me continue being fucked by the group of big white men.

He even saw the close-up of me having the cock down my throat. He also saw the close up of both my holes being pounded while my hands were twisted and held behind me. I was like a captive.

Without another word, he pushed me on my back once more.

My son fucking my ass:

Without any lubrication, he put his cock deep into my asshole as I whimpered in response.

He was so rough with me. While he fucked my tight ass he shoved his fingers down my throat and choked me while I drooled and moaned. While this was happening he made me tell him how much of a slut I am and how much I loved taking 3 big white men at once. I obeyed and told him the truth about how much i loved it and wanted it again.

After cumming in my ass he made me send him the video, which he said he was going to share with his friends, and then he told me that next time he might “bring some friends and make a better video”.

I couldn’t help but feel so lucky for this perfect outcome.

I am collared and owned. This is my daily life, my identity. Without my son I am nothing. He is my life, my soul, my everything.

I have had lots of different lovers, friends with benefits, husbands, boyfriends, one-night-stands, etc. At some point I had stopped counting but a rough estimate would put my body count to be around a few hundreds. At some point sex stopped having its meaning. It became a routine almost. “Work. Travel. Sex with strangers. Repeat.” When I was not working, I travelled the world. I have been to almost all the major cities in the world, and I have used the opportunity to have sex with lots and lots of different men: scientists, doctors, billionaires, engineers, college students, Ivy League professors, psychologists, pastors, dancers, actors, politicians, hedge fund portfolio managers, police officers, fire fighters, active duty military personnel, FBI agent. I’ve had sex with all of them.

If there is one author I highly recommend my readers to read, it would most definitely be Walter Benjamin. He wrote a short fragment called “Experience” and it was the most insightful philosophical treatise on a topic that I ever read. I copied and copied his writing again and again, and I could never get enough. In fact, I copied and copied the entire preface to his Trauerspiel no less than ten times and I read it over and over again, and I simply couldn’t get enough of it. And he has another fragmented piece where he talked about writing diary is equivalent to being silent to a prostitute. He is a very mystical writer, he’s like the Kafka of philosophy. If you liked reading Kafka when you were in college, you definitely will like Walter Benjamin.

Erloesung

So I have experienced sex, and yet it was without meaning. It became monotone, even though they were all very interesting men and they were all very well endowed. Something was lacking in my life. I needed passion. I needed danger. Cruelty. Bidding and forbidding. Intoxication. Adrenaline rush.

I want to stand on the precipice of ruin and make my way to the sacrificial altar of despair.

What shocked me, what utterly shocked me, was the soul mate I have been seeking for all my life has been living with me all my life—residing in the reckless, unpredictable and yet utterly captivating body of an 18 year old half white half Asian freak. It was my moment of erloesung.

I call my son a freak as a term of endearment, because he is so sadistic, so ruthless, and yet so effeminate. He is like a little Asian man trapped inside a white man’s body. He reminds me of my grand father, a pure bred Japanese man who used to torture Chinese women for sports during World War II. It’s almost an atavism of the old genetic stock. I love him so much.

I know I am playing a dangerous game. I am risking everything I hold dear. But the heart wants what the heart wants,, and I’m ensnared forever in this web of forbidden love.

Exposing our relationship in front of a friend for the first time.

I don’t have to tell you how much of a Freudian totem and taboo what I’ve been doing is considered by the wider “civilized” society, and one time I had almost exposed myself in front of a friend. She was a girlfriend of mine and we were on a trip together. We shared a one bedroom in an Airbnb. Because of the tight arrangement, we all slept in the same bed. We had been drinking and I was horny. Once my friend was asleep I reached my hand under the blanket to start jerking off my son. He gently played with my pussy and rubbed my clit. I started to let out a moan because of how amazing it felt and was quickly reminded me to stay quiet because my friend had just turned over.

After a little bit of time I stopped worrying, seeing that she was quite deep in sleep and I had a rush over the fact that our friend could wake up and accidentally catch us.

Then my son told me to get on my hands and knees and I did as I was told. With my bare pussy facing the friend that was asleep. This only increased my lust and my fear as my son started to finger me bringing me closer and closer to orgasm. The rush of knowing that our friend could wake up at any time and see my soaking wet pussy and my son fingering me only increased my desires.

♥ being an Asian Whore in White Cocks Paradise ♥

The superiority of White Male is so obvious and self evident that most people for most of the time simply take it for granted, without ever second guessing or even being conscious of the truism. It only becomes prominent when compared to men of inferior races.

As a Asian woman, I suck and fuck white men on a regular basis.

There is no secret that I love white men. Matter of fact, most Asian women do.

And no, it has nothing to do with self hatred. I’m proud of my Asian heritage and I’m in touch with my own culture. I’m fluent in both Japanese and Chinese, and have read through classics in both. I’m conversant in French and German. My Classicist education means that I have working familiarity with both Latin and Greek.

As an Asian woman, I consider myself above all an intellectual elitist, and I’m turned on as much by the physical, sexual prowess of white men as by their superior intellectual thumos, which they wear like a pendentif that guide their genius, from the invention of calculus to the exploration of cosmos.

The internet does make dating easy for an attractive and intelligent East Asian woman like myself, though I still do prefer the surreptitious encounter in the coffee shop, at the bus stop, or in the library. They seem to be more romantic.

The usual “date” goes something like this. We meet. We go somewhere to talk. And then we go fuck. I absolutely love it.

Depending on the situation, sometimes I would assure the guy I meet that I’m not a slut. I tell them that “I don’t do this often. I never do this. I’m not an easy girl. … I never get on my knees and suck the cock of a guy I just met. … I have never jumped into bed with a man I just met.”

I tell them those things because it turns them on. And honestly, every time I suck on a stranger’s cock, I still get butterflies in my stomach, no matter how many cocks I’ve already sucked on that day. And the excitement always made my pussy tingle too.

Of course, there are men who are turned on by the fact that I have slept with many men. They do exist but they are rare. Most white men still seem to hold onto a puritanical view of Asian women and view us as either pure virgins or wanton sluts.

Because of my work, I travel often. I’ve been to Canada, England, Greece, France, Spain, Singapore, Hong Kong, Shanghai (I have an apartment in Shanghai), Tokyo, Osaka, Okinawa, Taiwan; and I’ve been to almost every major city in America.

And because of the constant travel, I have the opportunity to find so many new guys to have fun with and every time I fuck, it always feels so different.

Some guys gets ecstatic when I let them cum inside my mouth. Some of them prefer to cum on my ass and back. I don’t ask them to use a condom unless they bring it up first, and many will put on a condom without me saying anything.

Being used by so many different white men is a hobby that I keep to myself. So far this this year I’ve already sucked off 30 different guys, being fucked in my pussy by 10, and 2 of them fucked me in the ass.

I worked on and off as an escort not because I needed the money, but I enjoyed being a whore (for white men).

For obvious reasons, I cannot discriminate men by race so openly. I don’t have to. I simply don’t fuck any man who is not white. I tell them that they are a nice guy but I simply don’t find them attractive. Only in a hushed voice, I whisper, in secret to my selected white lovers, that “I’m a white cock only slut.”

Being a whore and being able to provide pleasure to so many white men makes me happy. I give those white men what their wives and girlfriends wouldn’t give them, and because I’m a whore, I don’t cling to them or get entangled in their private lives.

Sometimes I feel I’m actually incapable of falling in love. That’s why I enjoy being a whore. And sometimes I actively despise the man I give myself to. When I become a whore, all the eroticism comes to the surface. As I walk down the street, even fully clothed, I feel my self naked, my pussy, my tits, my ass all exposed, and I wouldn’t live any other way. Because I have sucked on so many cocks, my mouth itself has become a sexual organ and when I speak to men, I wonder if they know how often I’ve used my mouth to please men’s cocks, and I get embarrassed. I couldn’t stand their stare.

When I was young (18 to 25), my customers were mostly older white men. As I become older (29 to 36), my customers were mostly young, naive, college aged white men. It just seemed apropos that as I crossed the bridge of 30, and became a mother myself, I should provide guidance to the younger generation. My maternal instinct kicks in.

Sucking the soul out of my white boy

One of my customers was a 19 year old virgin white boy who was just admitted to MIT. I didn’t tell him that my daughter went to the same college. He gave me 20 dollars and in exchange I give him a hand job. The amount of money is irreverent. I have often done the same thing for free, but it does make me feel hornier to get paid.

A few days after the hand job he called me again and said wanted to see me. He was so shy and his voice was so innocent. I thought he wanted another hand job.

We talked and after he finished what he was saying, I smiled and told him: “It’s okay, pal. You can just tell me if you want my help again.” I rubbed his chest and pointed to his crotch. The look on his face was absolutely adorable. It was a mix of shock and excitement.

It was clear to me that he was not used to the idea of a woman almost as old as his mother giving him pleasure. He gave me a little nod and handed me 40 dollars and asked if that’s enough for a blow job. I giggled and I kissed his cheek and ran my hand up his chest, under his T-shirt, and felt his soft blonde hair.

It was a weird but wonderful feeling. It was almost as if I was touching my own son. I even teased him a little and asked him what would he do if I were his Asian step mom.

I slowly jerked his cock while giving him my warm, caring, maternal affection. He was squirming and whimpering. I pulled his pants down to his ankles and brought my face between his legs. I stopped a moment to admire his big white cock and low hanging testicles. I couldn’t get over how young and eager his cock looked, and it was twitching in anticipation. And the smell of his sex. It was so intoxicating. Like pure umami. The scent sent tremulous waves of pleasure through my entire body.

I gently pressed my lips to the tip of his penis, giving it a long and slow kiss. It pulsed and oozed a small bead of clear liquid. I gingerly and slowly wrapped my mouth around his cock head and started taking him in mouthful.

I massaged his balls and bobbed my head up and down. My mouth was his fleshlight. I began to go deeper. From experience I know men like the noises from my throat when I suck them off and so I tried the same. Then I went full throttle, swallowing his cock until my nose touched his pubic air.

He had the cutest reaction when he was about to orgasm. He moaned with a shaky voice and whimpered and his whole body was shaking. I felt his penis pulsating and I swallowed his penis down, pressing my nose into his crotch further and then stopped moving. I tried to swallow repeatedly to get my throat muscles to squeeze his cock. Then I felt his youthful tremors and spurts of semen flow down my throat. It felt like pure euphoria. It wasn’t just sex. It felt like love.

I looked up to him and he had the cutest look on his face. I’ve made a very happy young white man. I’ve accomplished my purpose as an Asian woman.

A white boy cummed inside me in like two minutes and I still wanted more.

I started having sex regularly with a white boy who’s in his early 20s and one day I wanted to surprise him because I saw him coming home and he was taking shower. I took off my clothes and joined him in the shower. I started to stroke him and he loved it. He bit my neck and sucked on my nipples while fingering me hard.

When we were finally clean we took the action to the bedroom because at that point we were both feverishly in heat and I rode him pushing him into the bedroom and he cummed inside me in like two minutes, literally, and I was so disappointed.

Sensing my frustration he said “Let’s continue,” and even though he just cummed he told me to continue riding him. Then we switched position. We 69’ed until his cock became hard again and we did it doggystyle and missionary.

In the missionary we looked into each other’s eyes as we fucked and his eyes—omg, his blue yes—his eyes were the eyes of an orgasm for any Asian whore who is lucky enough. They were so blue, so incendiary, so intense, so marvelous. I felt as if something were palpating inside his eyes, like febrile waves trembling, pools of madness that could devour me like a cruel flame. His eyes mesmerized me.

I simply couldn’t control myself when I’m around white guys with blue eyes.

My White Boy fucked me harder when I told him I’m a whore.

A couple weeks ago a customer knocked on my door while my white boy was staying over. I was flustered because I wasn’t expecting a customer. We had a little chat and I told him to go away. My white boy asked me who was it and I told him he was an old patient of mine who came by to thank me. I used to work as a nurse.

A few days later my white boy came over to stay and once again some guy showed up. This time the guy was really abnoxious and told me he made an appointment. I totally forgot. My white boy came over to see what we were arguing. The guy told him that he had an appointment. I apologized to him and told him to go away.

My white boy was very confused and he confronted me. Why are all those men coming to my apartment? I began to cry because I didn’t want him to leave me. I told him I work as a prostitute. He told me to confess how long I’ve been doing it. I told him I’ve been doing it on and off since college.

He asked me why didn’t I stop. I told him I love having sex with strangers. It turned me on and I made lots of money. I honestly thought he was going to slam the door and leave but what he did next totally surprised me. He wiped out his cock and shoved it in my mouth and told me to suck it. He was rock hard and I moistened it with my saliva then he pulled down my panties very roughly and stuffed his dick inside me.

I was confused and I asked him, do you actually like knowing your girlfriend is a whore, and he replied, “yes, very.” As he fucked me hard he licked my nipples and then bite on my neck and chest. He had never been so ferocious. As he fucked me he said he’s going to whore me out and let me fuck as many strangers as I want.

After he cummed inside me he still wasn’t satisfied and made me scoop out his cum from my pussy and he demanded that I tell him more, more about my debauched sex history. so I started telling him about all the men I’ve had sex with and after just a few minutes he was hard again. He kept on fucking me over and over that night and honestly, it was the best sex ever. There was a mix of anger, jealousy, love, hatred, all raw passion. After all the confession I made, he confessed to me that he is incredibly turned on knowing that his Asian girlfriend is not just a slut, but also a whore.

I guess everything worked out for the best. And my white boy is growing into a White Man.

One of the things I told him was that I enjoyed being a whore because that meant I did not have to be romantically attached to a man. I enjoyed the freedom that comes with being a whore. I also repeatedly mentioned my failed marriages and my trials and tribulations as a single mother. I just thought I’d mention those in passing.

I am prepared for anal at all times because I know how much white boys love fucking my Asian ass.

Every Friday, in addition to primping up my hair, my makeup, putting on my sexiest and sluttiest dress, I also give myself an enema before I go out. It not only douches my rectum so it’s nice and clean for white men, but by drawing out the ritual it provides a wonderful psychological effect as I become aware of my anus being prepared to be fucked.

I think white men enjoy anal because it’s pure pain for an Asian whore like me, feeling completely stretched out and deprived of my womanhood, especially when I end up cumming from anal. It’s like, “woah, whore, you’re that desperate you’ll cum from having your asshole stretched open ….”

___

I ♥ being an Asian Whore for BWCs

___

But the knowledge that I’ve had multiple cocks inside me does fascinating things to the male psychology, it seems.

Before that fateful “confessional” event, we had sex maybe once or twice a week. And while the sex was good, we were together mostly because we were both afraid of being alone. Now, however, our sex is sparking up in a way that was shocking to me. He’s demanding sex 3 ~ 4 times a day, and to be honest, I do feel a little exhausted.

It almost fees like he’s fucking me with a vengeance. There is a lot of raw passion, a mixture of jealousy, love, bitterness, romance, roughness, dominance, and submission, and, don’t get me wrong, it’s great. I read somewhere in pop evolutionary biology that men tend to sexually compete with one another in sexual intercourse and in order to do that, men need to actively fuck a woman repeatedly in order to scoop out other competitor’s semen form the vagina to ensure his genes get passed down and I fee like this is what he’s doing. But he is taking it further and I will explain how at the end.

My White Boy is fucking me raw all the time now.

Though I’ve always been very sexual, I now do feel a bit hard to keep up. He fucks me very roughly and often multiple times in one session, using my mouth, my pussy and my ass, but not always in that order, and he cums in all three holes over the course of a few hours. I use a lot of lubes, especially when he does anal. After he cums, he doesn’t allow me to clean myself up. Instead he puts a butt plug inside my ass and make sure I keep all his cum in my hole for the rest of the day. For the cum that I didn’t swallow, I’m not allowed to wipe his cum off my face either and I had to walk around the rest of the day with his dried cum.

It’s definitely a very erotic feeling as we sat in the sushi restaurant ordering food and talking about life knowing full well that my pussy, ass and mouth have been stuffed full of his cum just a few minutes ago. It makes me feel so submissive to him. I always dress in the skimpiest clothes when I go out with him. That means very low cut dress that barely covers my ass and tits and at least 4 inches high heels that made sure anyone who looked at me knew I was a whore.

The contrast of me being an older Asian woman and him being a younger Caucasian man adds a strange, exciting quality that is hard to put my finger on exactly. It feels so sinful.

Being older, I do tend to be very maternal and shower him with love in a way that is probably considered doting by western stands. But to be honest, I do get turned on a lot when he suckles on my nipples and act so childish and innocent and demands impossible things from me. I have my own life and I have to take care of my job, my family, etc., and he would demand me to give him sex whenever he is horny. It makes me feel so submissive knowing that the relationship is gradually transforming from vanilla to S/M almost on its own, without either one of us initiating in particular. Like river flows, our love ebbs deeper into the twirl pool.

___

Turning me into a gang bang toy for all his friends

___

Late night after the date—dinner, movie, a walk in the park, and then his place, as I walked into his apartment, I saw three guys that I’ve never met before.

He didn’t even bother with introductions, and simply told me to strip naked and kneel on the floor. Being the good submissive that I am, I listened and did what I was told. I was very nervous and very embarrassed, but also incredibly turned on, seeing his cocky attitude and domineering expression which made my heart melt with happiness. I guess deep down, just like in the novel Shanghai Baby, we Asian women just always have a soft spot for authoritarian men.

My boyfriend—I think I should call him my master now—told me to play with my pussy, and I did. I opened my sex, my fingers splaying open my own pussy lips to get their attention. They talked among themselves. The more they ignored me, the more eager I became. I played with my nipples and rubbed my clit and I begged my boyfriend to put his dog collar and leash around my neck.

He grabbed a broomstick and told me to fuck myself with it all the while calling me a pathetic asian whore. I put on a masturbation show for the 4 horny college aged guys and was on the verge of an orgasm as they watched. I was so wet the broomstick slipped out of my pussy so my boyfriend ordered me to shove in up my ass instead.

I felt so ashamed of how slutty I am and yet at the same time I absolutely loved every minute of it.

They took turns touching me, and they showed me no mercy, as they pinched my nipples, slapped and twisted my pussy lips and clit, spanked my ass, and shoved their cocks down my throat. For the entire night I was double penetrated, spitroasted, triple penetrated, and there were cum running down my every hole. And even as I reminisce that night now, I couldn’t help but to slip my fingers down to my pussy again. The sex was that good.

___

I almost got impregnated during the gang bang

___

To put icing on the cake, none of them used condoms and I wasn’t on birth control either. The next morning I ran to the drug store to get second day pill but the drug store near my house was closed and I was getting very stressed out. I looked around for another place and finally found one that was open after searching all morning.

But to be honest, I wouldn’t have minded to become pregnant again. I wold love to carry the baby for any young white man and I had already done that twice. My womb, I have learned, is meant to be bred, and being bred makes me happy. It’s like the most powerful drug in the world, the drug of life, the drug of the selfish gene replicating itself.

With those young white men’s sperm inside my every hole, butt plugged, nipples clamped, and pussy lips stretched with a vaginal stretcher, I had another orgasm as I fucked myself on my dildo. I couldn’t believe how horny I had been and honestly everything that happened to me had sent me from the humdrum of nothingness to the inebriating bliss of paradise. My sexual awakening stirs those youthful tremors in my heart again, and made me relive the faint stirrings of my first love. I’m in delirious joy as I relive every moment, every minute, my heart leaps with joy, sings in harmony for once again I’m with nature.

In the depth of my withered heart a fire has been rekindled, and a lucid rancor once again flourished.

A list of things I would do for my White Master to show my devotion as his yellow whore:

Proposition a white man (a complete stranger) on the street to fuck me, bareback, and thank him for cumming inside me afterward. He must cum inside me. If he chose to wear a condom, it doesn’t count.
Fuck a group of white guys (3 or more), preferably tourists from an European country. At least one guy must fuck me anally.
Fuck a white co-worker that I’ve known for a long time.
Gang bang in a public place and make sure at least ten people see me.
offer rim job to a white guy in a men’s rest room.
offer a white guy to give me golden shower in a men’s rest room.

**All of the above tasks must be accomplished without condom or birth control.

Those tasks were my challenges to show my devotion and I get so horny just thinking about the things that I will be required to do, but I promised him I will do it, and I will do it. It will be so much fun, and I love being an Asian whore for white men.

My calling in life is to be an Asian whore for White Men.

In event of the immense psychological discourse we are about to embark upon, this pleromatic excursus that I had written over ten years ago is then not out of place as an introduction.

I put the Big White Cock in my mouth and close my eyes …

I am not worthy to see what a real man looks like.

Memories of my childhood come rushing back to me. Of how I’ve always looked at White Men and wished I could be around them. Of seeing the white boys among my classmates going through puberty, seeing them grow tall and muscular, seeing their chest hair underneath the collar of their shirts … seeing them grow from boys into men, White Men, seeing how big a White Cock really was the first time I got fucked. … Of realizing as an asian girl living in America, I was destined to be their whore.

I hold on to His shaft. It’s thick and I grasp it in my tiny hand. It reminds me of the broom handle at home that I use to sweep the floor with as my father watched Asian soap opera on the television in the living room.

I smell the scent of His musky pubes. His pheromones linger in my nostrils and I think of the sweaty white athletes in my high school. How they all smelled of grown men while they were just teenagers.

I taste his pre-cum as I slid my lips further down his hard cock. It was thick and I can taste the bittersweet flavor. It reminds me of the bland congee my mother made for me growing up.

He calls me “chink”. And I’m reminded of all the white men I’ve met in my life. My teachers, my professors, my superiors at work, my supervisor, my thesis advisor, my boyfriends, my hook ups … all the White Men that have revealed to me my own inferiority as an asian woman.

Finally … I open my eyes. I look up to Him. My Master, my King, my God, my reason for existence. I see every inch of his thick cock extending from my lips all the way to his blonde bush. I raise my eyes, past his treasure trail and hairy chest, up to his thick neck and rough beard, and finally meet his blue eyes.

I lose myself in those deep blue eyes. Like an ocean threatening to drown me in my powerless position. Twin tidal waves making me gag and lose my breath. I am a chink lost at sea, and the White Man is my life-saver and my weight, lifting me up with his powerful hip and pulling me further down with his muscular hands, marking me with his urine over his property, handing my life over to Him as an asian bitch for White Men.

As I read through this little treatise, those words linger through my brain as they do trippingly on my tongue, I wonder to myself it’s amazing, it’s amazing that, despite of years of forgetting, running away, and relinquishing, I was never able to actually escape. In the end I come back full circle to surrender my fate, to prostrate and kneel before my white superiors and accept now, calmly, obediently, and silently, their reign.

Those thoughts, though they had briefly disappeared from the conscious level, continued to rankle beneath the surface, and in the course of time spun an elaborate web of resentments and vengeful syncretism of hidden motives which then burst upon my consciousness in the form of sexual exegesis.

Coincidentia oppositorum

If you had seen me in real life you would have no idea. In fact most people have no idea. They would have all assumed that I’m just another racist Asian woman who only dated Asian men. The white men who were interested once again would sigh and lament, “all the hottest Asian girls only date Asian guys.”

I look so normal. It’s what the wider society expects of me, and it’s what I conform to, in appearance.

The truth, however, is the exact opposite.

The superficial me is diametrically opposite to the real me that I have to restrain the impulse to give you my real name so I could google me and see what a chaste, pure, innocent and primp Asian lady that I really am. Or not.

Statu nascendi

By the time I was 18, I had already started sleeping around impulsively. I still remember the first time I sucked cock. He was a chubby white guy who later on went to Cornell for his Ph.D. I still remember the second time I sucked cock. It was on a Friday evening in a club full of young hot white guys. The rest is blurry now. The Asian guys who knew me from high school had by now all but disappeared. I was done with them. I had entered into the white club, the Ivy League of Ivy Leagues. I knew even back then, that for the next 10 to 20 years, the zenith of life lies within.

By the time I was 19 I decided that I should get paid for what I was doing. I believe I have written about my experience during this period already, but it’s never enough. I keep on reminiscing. I keep on remembering more details. Sometimes the details contradict what I had previously remembered. It’s like the four gospels in the New Testament. While every one of my account is all veritably true to my heart, somehow the details all keep on changing. I don’t know why.

All of a sudden now my thoughts were interrupted again. The image of a nerdy Asian guy from high school flitted into my memory. I remembered walking side by side with him as we went from the subway to school. And as we approached the flag pole in front of the school yard, we walked slower and slower, bumping into each other more, unmoored and dizzy in the crepuscular light. The Asian guy was ugly, short, and stupid. The mere image of him made me gag a little just now.

Counting from the age of 19 to now, I’ve had sex with over hundreds of men, all white men, obviously. I have fulfilled the sexual fantasies of so many white men that I’m actually proud. And I’ve done just about every depraved act in the dictionary: oral, anal, ass to mouth, foot jobs, rim job, blow job, piss play, choking, gangbang, etc.

By the age of 21 I decided that I would have sex almost exclusively with men over the age of 40. The oldest guy I had sex with and who was also my first husband was over 80 years old. I loved the difference between our age. It’s a bit like chiaroscuro. The contrast between us—young and old, white and yellow, smooth and wrinkled—felt exciting.

Were we humans to be robbed of this instinct of procreation and all that arises from it, nearly all poetry, all philosophy, and perhaps all science, would be erased from this world.

I’ve been told by a few men that I may be “sex addicted”. To them, they think it’s unnatural that a woman should be so hypersexual, especially given my high body counts and my numerous unsuccessful marriages. But I think I’m just addicted to life.

Summum bonum … losing my self in this rhapsodic dream of life

For all my life I’ve been addicted to white men and their beautiful BWCs. I love tasting BWCs in my mouth, inserting BWCs in my pussy, feeling BWCs in my ass, and playing with BWCs in all their multitudinous ways.

I love being gangbanged by BWCs, feeling their different sizes, different smells, different energies, and different personalities. Each white man is all so unique, so individualistic, and yet all so all so fascinating and so delicious.

But above all my own pleasure, I love the feeling that I’m giving pleasure to those white men.

My Asian body is a vessel, and my purpose is to be filled with BWCs and their cum.

But summum bonum, my yellow body is god’s gift to white men. It’d be very selfish of me to keep this gift to myself.

That is why I especially love gangbangs. I never turn down any white man who wants to fuck me unless he is rude, unclean or problematic in some way. When it comes to white men, my pussy has nearly perfect admission rate.

And when I’m not being gangbanged, I practice being airtight by using my dildos. I love stuffing all my holes with various things and pretend I’m being gangbanged.

Personally, I believe all Asian women are made for gangbangs by BWCs. Some are just living in denial.

I used to keep those views to myself, because I always felt this society is not yet open enough to accept them. But I feel more and more Asian women and white men are now embracing my idea. And I’m glad.

My ultimate goal is to encourage more Asian girls to go white only, spreading the joy and pleasure of being bleached. And this dream is actually bearing fruits, as more and more Asian girls are falling head over heels for white guys. It makes my heart feel warm, and I’m glad, because white men are pleased.

Confession of inferior Asian male series PART 2

Confessions of Inferior Asian Male #8

I’m an inferior Asian male who grew up in America. My parents immigrated from Korea when I was in middle school. I had a crush on this Korean girl in high school and later on we went to the same college. I wanted to ask her to be my girlfriend, but when I did, she blocked me on all social media, and blacklisted me on her phone as well.

Later on I found out she was dating this white guy. And this guy made her do lots of things that totally shocked me. I know the guy from facebook. He regularly bragged online about his adventures with his Asian girlfriend and recently even posted videos! I will just tell you three:

1- He once fucked her inside a movie theater. They went to the last schedule and chose the least popular movie, and once they were seated they began touching each other all over, and after a while, he took off all her clothes. She was TOTALLY naked as he fucked her.

2- They went a public park and got into the forest area. It started as a quickie but then he went crazy and undressed her completely. He kept his clothes on, just his cock was outside.

3- She went to a party with him and introduced her as “that Asian slut I told you all about”. He kissed her and touched her breasts in front of them. After they got drunk, they all started touching her. She ended up giving blowjobs to all the guys in the car.

The guy is also planning on starting an pornhub account and turning her into a amateur porn actress.

Confessions of Inferior Asian Male #9

My wife and I are Chinese. I’m 38 and my wife is 30. Even though we’ve been married for six years, we never had children. My wife said she did not “believe in having children.”

We’ve been living in New York for a little over two years now. Both my wife and I used to be school teachers when we were in China. After we came to America illegally, we found there were not a lot of job opportunities for us other than doing the most degrading and most basic manual labor jobs.

I work in a Chinese restaurant from 9 AM to 11 PM, and my wife works as an escort. A designated driver takes her to her customers’ place for work and she gets paid 100 dollars an hour. Occasionally customers come to our house and they have sex in the master bedroom next to ours. The rental property belonged to the pimp and his goons. A few times the pimp beat me for making too much noise. He once threatened to fuck my wife in front of me if I didn’t behave. The pimp is a Chinese man from Fujian and his goons told me they are members of the Fujian Triads.

I sleep inside a room that can barely fit a mattress and I can hear my wife having sex with her customers next door. Ever since she started prostituting herself, she stopped having sex with me. Which I don’t mind that much honestly. I work so hard I don’t have much sexual libido left at all. Another reason for our lack of sexual activity was due to this one time when we were trying to have sex and I was eating her out, I dug out a used condom inside her vagina, with another man’s cum still inside. Ever since then it became impossible for me to maintain erection while having sex with her. I still love her though.

Sometimes I get the urge to touch myself listening to her moaning with her customers in the next room and after her sessions I ask her about them. Listening to her recounting her sexual experience with other men always get me horny for some reason. Especially when she berates me for being a worthless man. Nearly all of her customers are white American men.

She told me: “All of my customers have bigger cocks than you.”

However, I was never able to ejaculate. During that time I felt like I had lost my sexual organ entirely. This is until what I’m about to tell you, which started a couple weeks ago.

I came home after work one day and noticed my wife was not there. Apparently she had gone out to meet her customers and she had forgotten to take her bag with her. I opened it and saw her bag was filled with condoms. In addition there were a few lingerie, a vibrator, and a pair of nipple clamps.

When she came back her designated driver carried her to our room. She was wearing a very flimsy red dress that barely covered her ass and one of her tits was actually exposed. She had heavy makeup on and there was gooey liquid running down her thighs. It was already 2 AM. I asked her how was her “work”. She told me she had amazing sex. Then I asked her if she used condoms because she had left her bag at home. At that point she told me: “He’s a regular. I never ask him to use condoms. Don’t worry.”

My heart sank to my stomach at this point. My wife always asked me to use condoms when we had sex because she didn’t want to have children.

A few days after that incident her “regular” showed up at the house and demanded sex with her. The pimp asked me to clean up the master bedroom. I had recently suffered back injuries and could not go to work, so the pimp made me do janitorial work around the house. I primped up their bed, mopped up the floor, and before I could get out, my wife had already brought her customer into the bedroom and we came face to face with each other. It was never supposed to happen. I froze in terror. The pimp would beat me again for this, I thought. And more than that, it was the first time I saw the man my wife was having sex with. He was an obese, balding American man. He towered over me and his belly was almost four times the size of mine. I repeated “sorry sorry sorry” as I hurried out.

I became obsessed with the image and I could not get it out of my head. After my wife came back to our room, I pestered her with questions. She said she let the guy cum inside her multiple times. I whimpered. I wanted to be angry, but I was in no position to be angry. She made ten times what I made, and I had the feeling that soon, she would be leaving me. I turned over in our dingy little room and cried. She made no response.

I knew in my heart, at that moment, that our life couldn’t possibly continue this way.

Fast forward to a day ago. My wife finally told me what I had been expecting all this time. She said she is leaving me and moving in with her “regular”, the fat, old, scurry white American man. She also said she is now pregnant with his baby, and they are going to get married. Because when we came to the United States, we tore and burned our Chinese passports and all other identifications, nobody know we are actually married. We are insects living in the dark corners of society, and she is about to metamorphose into a butterfly.

The entire night I lay awake. I couldn’t feel anger, even though I keep telling myself that I should. I actually feel happy for her. I know she will now lead a better life. I even start imagining that one day she will allow me to come live with her, in her big American house. I will be their personal chef. I will cook for them, as I do in the Chinese restaurant. I will paint my wife’s toe nails, massage her American husband’s feet, while they are having sex. That night, for the first time in almost ten months, I masturbated. I masturbated to the image of my wife having sex with her white American husband and afterward I ate my own cum. For some reason it just felt right.

This is the first time I ejaculated since coming to America, and it was to the image, with the knowledge, of my wife leaving me, and going to become the wife of an American man.

Confessions of Inferior Asian Male #10

We are an Asian American couple. Recently we thought we wanted to spice up our sex life a little bit and decided to venture into this sex club that we’ve been hearing about online. We were quite vanilla and this was our first time venturing outside of our comfort zone. We ended up in a room with 50 people who were all doing various things among themselves.

What really surprised me though was how wild my wife had become. I always thought my wife was a very shy person, like myself, but she quickly connected with this hung white dude and they started going at it. I was shocked. We were the only Asian couple, and soon almost all the attention was on my Asian wife and this white guy she just met. And they started fucking! A big crowd formed around them and some people even started joining them. I was screaming OMG she is being gangbanged and I was so horny. But the crowd was so big I couldn’t even see her anymore.

And then someone from the staff at the club came up to me and told me to leave because they thought I didn’t have a partner. The club had a very strict rule about not allowing single males coming in. I had to explain to them that my wife was in the middle of the crowd being fucked by multiple white guys.

I felt so humiliated and yet so turned on I honestly still don’t know how to process all this.

I feel so empty without white cocks.

Being a BWC slut is who I am now, or what is left of me. A broken, empty set of holes always burning with hunger for white men and their penises.

The haunting void left behind by white men gets worse now.

Some nights it engulfs me and tries to swallow me whole. Confessing my pain, my sinful lust for abuse and my concupiscence for degradation is the only way I can feel anything at all. It makes my mind go blank and allows me to drift into a serene, nameless happy bliss of ease. Some other times it makes me feel weightless, like a slowly ebbing and flowing stream rhythmically receding from the bank.

It also makes me feel so naked. And so shameful. As if a thousand eyes were on me as they probe and prod into my life, digging and gnawing for more sordid details of my descent into depravity. Thrusting into me, yearning to do even more depraved things as they stretcher deeper and deeper into my flesh, my soul, more than what I’m permitting them.

I don’t like this. I don’t want to be this broken, marked as if by monsters. I hear their words. Memories of their actions course through me. I will never be able to get away.

I wish I was once again an Asian virgin, the virginal Asian girl who never knew the meaning of BWC, bareback gangbang, SM, double penetration, spitroasting, cum swallowing, piss drinking, etc. I feel disgusted with myself just now, knowing that all my holes have been filled to the brim with white meb’s cum.

I miss the innocent me. I miss the 18 year old me.

I feel so estranged and unacquainted with who I am now. I miss feeling pure again. This doesn’t feel good.

But it’s still better than nothing at all.

I found out my daughter is a BWC slut.

It was bound to happen. I was certain of that for a long time. But not in the way it happened. Nor in the way of how I found out.

As some of you might know (I mentioned it before in my previous posts), my daughter just turned 21 this year and is expected to graduate next year with a BA in physics from MIT. Her dream is to become an experimental physicist. She is applying to CalTech and Princeton for her Ph.D. Her undergraduate thesis is the probe, characterization, and diagnostics of hard x ray (in the keV range) via multilayer crystal mirrors using a terawatt laser which generates the plasma scattered on thin foil image plates that’s behind a micron sized solid target. And it’s going to be published in a very high impact journal. It’s the best description of what I understand she is doing and I’m probably fumbling it.

She is famous in her department because she is smart and beautiful. She is—and I feel so proud to say—beautiful just like me, but even more beautiful, because she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. You can still tell she is Asian though. She has mongoloid eyelids and her nose is tiny. Otherwise her dad had given her all the superior genes. I feel some day she will be very famous, famous like Elaine Gu. Of course I’m not going to show you a picture of my daughter you perverts. She is as pretty as a movie star, a little bit like the across between Kristin Kreuk and Britney Spears, I’d say.

And yes she is dating. She is actively dating a mathematician, a second year Ph.D. student in math at MIT, and he looks just like John Nash in that movie the Beautiful Mind. They are just so cute together. When they walk on the campus of MIT, they looked like the Aryan king and queen of the future who will dominate all the rest of mankind. And I feel so proud.

What I didn’t expect was that my daughter had been in a free use relationship with all the white men at her department. Most of her friends are men. For very obvious reasons. And all of them are nerds. Many don’t have girlfriends. So for the shy, nerdy white guys who don’t have a girlfriend yet, my daughter had been generous enough to offer them sex for free.

I only found out when I went to visit her at her apartment in Boston. I slept in an adjacent room and I told my daughter that I was going out to visit my boyfriend (who’s at Harvard) and when I came back I saw my daughter having sex with two handsome young white males in the living room, and neither of them was her boyfriend. I asked her if John is okay with it and she says he knows. She says they are in an open relationship. And she tells me that both of them are super smart geeks.

She also reassured me that she only does it for white guys with superior genes. I shrugged my shoulders. Like mother like daughter, I suppose.

Once a gangbang slut, always a gangbang slut.

I love the fact that men are getting off of my trauma.

I don’t want your pity. I don’t want your mercy. I could tell you my tragic childhood, my depression, my suicide attempts, but no, the reason I’m telling you all those things is not so you can pity me.

I do not want pity. I want your laughter. I want sadistic, evil men who will lick the tears off of my face and then spit on me. I want you to laugh at me, laugh at the pathetic whore who is cowering in the corner, crying, begging for release from this cruel drudgery of existence.

My son was actually conceived during a gang bang. Though he is the love of my life, sooner or later, I suppose, I have to tell him the truth.

I feel I am—as it were—isolated in a single moment of being, with a moat or lacuna of oblivion all around me. I am now, at the age of 38, a woman without a past, or a future. I am stuck, in the flux of a constantly changing, meaningless now.

I’m always absent minded, and yet what happened to me 20 years ago have been imprinted forever inside my mind.

As I’m writing this, it’s once again past midnight. Besides the fluorescent glow of the laptop screen, the cottage house I’m living in is completely dark. There is no sound except the constant thrumming of cars on the nearby highway, like midges around a light bulb, like existence itself that thronged and hummed around me without obstinate difference.

My mind is in eternal chaos, a shifting kaleidoscope of fragments in pitch darkness.

I’m not able to tell anyone why I am crying just now. Such experiences as what I’m narrating to you now were not uncommon in my previously married life.

An indescribable oppression fills my whole being with an agonizing anguish. It’s like a a shadow, a mist passing across my soul. It’s strange, yet familiar. It’s a mood.

I worked as a prostitute not because I was in need of money, but purely because I enjoyed whoring myself out. It excited me. It made me feel sexy and rebellious.

I catered to group events especially because I enjoyed being the center of all male attention.

One time I was invited to a party and the men offered to triple my money if I would allow them to not use any protection. No condom. No birth control. No pulling out. They wouldn’t stop gangbanging me until I became pregnant.

It excited me to the core.

I knew the risk, obviously, but I also felt “right”.

Now what do I mean by I felt right? It’s hard to explain but let me try. I felt right because I was turned on. I was comfortable with the men. I felt like I was able to open my sexuality to them. I ignored the risk.

I felt right also because they were all rich men, educated men, successful men. It felt “right”. I felt good. I felt okay to be bred by those men. Even though I knew I would never know who the real father is.

“Once a gangbang slut, always a gangbang slut.”

On the one hand, there is no denying, in the eyes of ordinary, normal folks, I’d be considered a—what they would call—a ruined whore. On the other hand—there is no denying, and lying, though deceiving to others and even myself, doesn’t make it any less true; eventually, the truth always crawls out—I was living the best time of my life.

“Once a gangbang slut, always a gangbang slut.”

Words. Words, my professor once taught me, can be voracious and anarchic beasts. Loosened and unleashed, it stampedes through a woman’s heart and threatens to destroy her whole world. The power of words. Never underestimate the power of words, the most destructive, the most creative inventions. Wars have been fought over words. In the beginning were the words.

“Once a gangbang slut, always a gangbang slut.” I still get knots in my stomach when I hear those words, trippingly pronounced upon my tongue, invoking feelings of betrayal.

Because the fact of the matter is, once I was getting used to being gang banged, it had become nearly impossible to go back to having vanilla sex.

A few weeks after that gang bang party that defined and changed me for being who I really am, I found out I was pregnant.

And few months later, without any procedure to stop my pregnancy, I started to feel my body changing.

It was like I was ovulating constantly. My hormone level was in overdrive. When I hit the 17 weeks mark I was constantly craving cocks. My pussy was so slick and swollen and nothing—watching porn, fucking myself with dildos and vibrators, fucking with myself with a fucking machine even—nothing seemed to alleviate my sexual needs. My nipples also felt heavy and constantly ached, but they were also extremely sensitive and were desperate to be touched.

At any time I keep in my phone contact of approximately 20 different guys that I put on a rotating group every other weekend. I select 5 of them and all I have to tell them is “I’m horny for a gang bang. Come to my place tonight at 9 PM. Hit the gym and don’t shower.”

I tell the guys to hit the gym because I love the smell of sweaty white men. The musky, pungent smell of white men’s sweat carries me to an elevated state of lust.

I always choose a set of 5 guys because when I have all my holes stuffed with cocks, I’d like to have two more cocks in each one of my hands so I will have something hold on. Like hand rails on an elevator to heaven.

I believe there is a reason God gave me three holes and two hands and the ability to have multiple orgasms. I’d be disappointing my creator if I didn’t put my body to best use.

My hormone level became more unpredictable as I became more advanced in my pregnancy. It was rare that I actually felt normal. Most of the time I was just a mess. I couldn’t control my libido and I was always thinking about sex.

In addition to insatiable cravings for sex, I also constantly craved for food. I normally eat very little and I’m a very picky eater, but during my pregnancy I ate voraciously. And I ate everything. Chocolate. Eggs. Tofu bars. Noodles. Pasta. Ice Cream. Potato chips. I was constantly hungry. I couldn’t control myself, just like I couldn’t control myself around white men.

During a gangbang session, before the actual initiation of penetration, the culmination of our love of life (for I’m a fanatic lover of life), I always ask my boys to stand away from me and show me their erect cocks as I got on my hands and knees and crawled to them. I knelt before their gorgeous white cocks, and admired the sight which I was soon to devour.

My impatience. My eagerness to please. My demands for entertainment must have made me seem so childish, and isn’t it true that at heart women will never grow past being children.

I fell giddy like a school girl choosing my favorite candies as I touched their massive erections, cupping their balls, and giving each one of them a lick here and a lick there.

More than a fanatic lover of life, I’m a fanatic lover of white men, to whom I’m willing to dedicate my life to worship. And that’s why I cannot lie to my son about who I really am. Eventually I have to tell him the truth.

I went into labor for about 24 hours and it went back and forth. At the time I was at home and my mom was ready to go to the hospital with me but then out of nowhere the laboring disappeared and I started to relax again. I mediated and breathed in and out, those long breathes like sighs of relief; images of the guys who gangbanged me flashed before my eyes and I wandered which one of them was the father. Moments like those were not uncommon during my pregnancy. I tried walking, moving, resting, crawling on all fours, hip rolls, other yoga moves suggested to me by my roommate (my best friend, a girl I knew since high school, and she lived with me until I turned 25).

The house was quiet by 11 PM. My mom was tired. My best friend had gone to sleep too after a day of exhaustion. I felt like I was in the center of a storm.

I slept only a few hours, and they were troubled and feverish hours. Disturbing dreams entangled with bizarrely sexual images. “a gang bang slut. A pregnant whore. A yellow cunt who enjoys drinking white men’s piss.” I heard my mom crying In the other room. We never discussed how she felt throughout this whole ordeal.

The cool air from the air conditioner—it was summer when my son was born—was invigorating and it somewhat steadied my faculties. I was not seeking refreshment or help from any source, either external or from within. I was blindly following whatever impulse moved me, and I allowed invasive, alien forces to direct my hands to whichever direction they fancies, thus freeing myself from any responsibility—I felt reluctant and weird, as if I was in the midst of a violent rape, as my hands stimulated my nipples. A primal desire arose through my body. My hands reached for my clit and I rubbed it hard. It wasn’t enough. I shifted myself to the edge of the bed and took out my vibrators and dildos from my night drawer. I stuck one inside my ass, one inside my pussy, one inside my mouth and then went to work. Images of myself being gangbanged resurfaced. I was in a trance. I fucked myself and moaned. My son was soon to be born into this world and he will know his mother is a whore. I cried.

A recollection of all the gangbang sessions I have had d since my first one: fragments and images appeared to me like a vision. I remember at another party—that was a year after my son was born—a guy was cupping my head from behind while several guys took turns jerking off their cum into my mouth. The previous guy’s cum was still on the tip of my tongue as another guy came in and mixed in his cum. It was like a cum cocktail inside my mouth. Some spilled to the side of my mouth, smearing my red lipstick and messing up my makeup. I moaned and groaned in pleasure. One guy. Two guys. Three guys. Four guys. A total of four guys ended up cumming inside my mouth and then and only then I swallowed. Their taste was nasty. But more than the taste itself, I felt an arrow piercing my bosom. I had become a cum urinal, I thought, and all the guys loved it.

Throughout the years I practiced on my blowjob skills and perfected them to the suitability of western white men. When a customer suggested that I deepthroat and he would pay more, I googled and did literature search and practiced everyday with my toothbrush. After a few months I was able to let guys take turns deepthroating me and they ejaculated their cum directly down my throat and into my tummy.

It may seem paradoxical for me to tell you that I’m actually completely asexual. I can go now for an entire year, or even years maybe, without sex, and I’d function perfectly normal. I could be bored of course, but it does not bother me in the least. On the other hand, if I’m in the right mood, if I want to truly please a man, I can have sex with him as much as he can get it up. I feel like at the end of the day, I’m my own master of my sexuality, and that’s perhaps why I am so confident in my sexuality.

Sometimes sex can actually seem more like a chore to me. Perhaps it’s because I have had sex with hundreds of men.

At the age of 37, I’m no longer a young woman. I’m an old, used up whore. But it doesn’t mean I’m useless. I can still be of use to white men.

And of all the white men I love, I love young white men the most. I love having sex with young white men in their 20s. And especially if they’ve never been with an Asian woman. Because after sex with me, I can guarantee, they’ll be hooked on Asian pussy for life. It’s the feeling that I’m actively spreading the yellow fever, infesting their innocent minds with Asian fetish, that brings a special joy to my heart.

I let those virile young white men gangbang me, pick me up like I’m a ragdoll, throw me around, brutalize my holes with their massive white cocks. I use the cock in my mouth as a gag so I don’t make too much noise, and when I’m getting drunk on the feeling of their cocks fighting for room inside my pussy and ass, I squeeze the cocks in my hands.

I remember being at a party for college aged white studs and as I was sucking a guy’s cock, some white girl yelled, who invited this old Asian hooker? The white girl even threatened to call the police on me for being a prostitute. I was so ashamed of my behavior, for being such a slut, and someone had to explain to her that I was some nerdy Asian kid’s mom who just enjoyed being fucked by hung white studs then and only then did she relax and rest her case. But she still hated me and didn’t want anything to do with me. I do notice that I attract the hatred of white women a lot.

That particular night I was brought up to a room and fucked from evening until morning. There were a total of 16 different guys.

With beer in one hand and marijuana in another they rotated among themselves. One guy pulled out and put it in my mouth. Another guy whose cock I was holding with my hand just a minute ago went into my pussy and the guy who was in my pussy now rubbed his cock against my nipple. The entire time I was in a trance. It’s an unspeakable pleasure. To have multiple handsome, virile white men all pleasuring me.

I never asked those men to wear condoms. I told them I don’t care if I get pregnant again. It wouldn’t be the first time.

The worst thing that ever happened was this one time when they had me blindfolded and asked my son to fuck me, but as soon as my son had put on the condom he cummed inside the condom and his penis barely even touched my pussy. I heard wild laughter and knew somethig was off. I grabbed the blindfold off and pushed him away and there were more boisterous laughter all over the room as the guys all cheered and my son stole away in shame.

“Once a gangbang slut, always a gangbang slut.”

I love the fact that those men who fucked me had no respect for me and had thought of every way to try to humiliate me. The worse they treated me, humiliated me, the hornier I became. It just felt so right. It just felt so good.

And after the gang bang I was as inevitably drenched in cum as the wet ground on a rainy day: covered in cum from head to toe: cum in my hair, on my face, on my chest, and inside all my holes. Cum leaking out of my ass, my pussy, my nostrils. Cum in my stomach.

Before they left for the morning I offered to lick their asshole and after they left the smell of what had just happened lingered on and I usually had to masturbate and make myself have another orgasm before I fell asleep in a stranger’s bed covered in filth and degradation. My son picked me up afterward and we drove home in silence.

The taste of their cum usually lasted for an entire week. No matter how much I showered afterward, I could always taste their cum in my mouth and my sense of smell take on a colorful intonation. Just by reminding me of who had cummed inside my mouth, I was able to see the color associated with that guy’s cum. And when this association happened, the world became more colorful. I saw the golden sheen of the lion, the blue eyes of the white man, the orange pubes of the Irish man, the red hair of the Scottish, the speckled pink pigment of the ginger guy, etc. And all their cum was inside me and their presence were imprinted now forever in their different colors.

I may be seen by others as a irreparably damaged slut, even deranged perhaps. But to me, I feel like I’m actually doing god’s work. I may be hated by ignorant people, but only god knows that I’m a saint, a yellow savior sent to this deep blue earth to give salvation to all the sexually starved, horny white men. My reward is not on this earth, but in the glorious, sun-bathed after life.

I need to feel inferior and humiliated.

When I was younger, I used to be ashamed of those feelings. Feelings that I get when I was humiliated, degraded, made inferior in front of white men. Yet after the feelings of shame washed away, I always ended up coming back and asking for more. I crave the sexual humiliation in front of white men even more so than the actual sexual act itself.

As I got older and even became a mother, I had thought, those phases of my life would pass, and it was true, those feelings did pass for a while, while I was married, and yet like a recurring nightmare they came back, crawling into my brain like a parasitic infection.

I once thought I wouldn’t ever come back, to stoop so low into such depravity. I once thought I wouldn’t ever get off from being verbally degraded, physically abused, and sexually molested by white men, again. Yet here I was, whored out to white men who were not just racist to me, but who outright treated me like garbage.

Eventually I learned, I stopped fighting my sick urges, those urges that have always accompanied me since my teenage years.

I suppose I need to accept myself for what I am. I need to be made feeling inferior. I need to be made feeling worthless. I need superior white men to treat me as a punching bag, taking out their frustrations pounding my holes, human toilet, relieving their urine into my mouth, my pussy, and ass.

Perhaps you are right, I’m sick. I need help. I’ve been destined to this road down to depravity since I was born.

I now accept myself for who I am. An inferior Asian slut who craves the dominance of my white master.

Today I fucked up. And my dom decided that I need to be punished. A group of his friends wanted to see me, “we want to see this inferior ch**k fucktoy you got”, and my dom had ordered me to clamp my nipples and meet them over zoom. Instead I told him I was too tired and took a nap.

Well, my dom was very displeased. I had embarrassed him in front of his friends. He came home from work. My kids had gone to bed. In a stern voice he ordered me to go to the bedroom, strip, and spread my pussy lips wide and wait for him.

When saw me, with my hands splaying open my pussy, spread on bed, he said I didn’t do a very good job.

He took out those large, black, paper clips that you use for office supplies and clamped them on my nipples, clit, and pussy lips. Gagged my mouth with a penis gag. Took out two dildos and stuffed them inside my pussy and ass. With all my holes plugged, I was ordered to lay still. Then he took out a thick black marker and wrote “CH**K” in giant letters across my chest.

Worst of it all, he was not going to fuck me. He brought another Asian woman home and fucked her as I lay naked, clamped, and plugged, watching them defiling my own bed.

He fucked the Asian woman to multiple orgasms. After he was done fucking her, he whipped my ass with his belt and didn’t stop until I was a sobering, whimpering mess.

I was aware that my son was able to hear everything that was going on in my bedroom.

It was perhaps not the best decision in the world that I allowed my dom to move in with me. In fact, during his interactions with my son, he had encouraged my son to have no respect for women. He told him that “women, especially Asian women like your mother, are nothing but a set of holes.”

“She is just a set of holes. And she is built to have all her holes fucked 24-7, preferably at the same time and with plenty of big hard cocks in queue to replace the others that are finished. Asian whores like your mother should be put on display and whored out non stop, wouldn’t you agree? What are you, a faggot? Aren’t you proud to have a whore for a mother?”

This was a typical conversation my dom had with my son.

Instead of becoming angry, my son actually agreed with my dom in his very misogynistic treatment of women and became an eager complicit in his endeavor of debauchery.

“No, I’m not a faggot. I’m a white man. A white man deserves to use an Asian cunt like my mom. We should hold a gangbang party for my mom on weekends. Only white men will be invited. She will serve drinks and mingle with all the guests, and they will grope and fondle her while she’s serving them. We should put a gyno table in the middle of the living room, and as soon as I ring a bell we put her into the chair and put her legs up in the stirrups. All the partygoers would watch as she masturbates herself with her dildo. After she fucks herself, we should all take out our cocks and fuck her.”

“You don’t care she is your mother?”

“She is my mother but she is also a slut. She deserves it.”

“That’s a good boy.”

“I’m not a boy. I’m a man. I’m a white man. Asian whores like my mom should be serving me like she served my white dad.”

Daily my inferior Asian cunt craves the dominance of the superior white men. When I’m not being put into my proper place, I feel irritated, restless, and neurotic. The strong, hard slap from the hand of a white man, on the other hand, instantly cures me of my insecurities, my mood swings, my depressions. I crave this kind of treatement. It makes me comfortable in my inferiority, let me breathe in it, drown in it, stew in it.

After the restless night, I cowered myself into a fetal position and eventually fell asleep, my mind and body numb from the humiliation and abuse.

Around noon time, I finally was able to get up and went about my day. My dom had already left for work and I cleaned, cooked, and cried a good cry as I masturbated myself to an orgasm.

My phone rang in the afternoon. My dom told me he was going to bring his friends over and I was to “prepare myself.”

Evening.

I donned my nipple clamps, anal beads inside my ass, dog collar with a big O ring dangling in front of my chest, wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs clicking against each other. I greeted my dom and his friends in front of the door.

My dom was pleased.

My dom and his friends had no respect for me nor for my family. And yet the more they humiliated me, degraded me, the more turned on I was. I’ve put myself in dangerous situations before, but not like this. I woke up in the middle of the night, imagining that if I were ever the premier or the president of some Asian country, I would declare total and complete defeat at the feet of an American president. Inferior Asian whores like me are not fit to lead, but only to be subjugated.

My dom let my son control my remote vibrator.

Once, to satisfy the sick and depraved wishes of my dom, I brought one of those wearable remote vibrators that pair with an app so someone far away can control it. I was out for some errands and my dom and my son were home alone. Unbeknownst to me, my dom had told my son about it and he told him that it would be “hilarious if I got my mom to use it in public and I get to control her vibrator.”

My dom called me on my phone, put it on speaker while my son stayed quiet and worked the app while he talked to me. They both listened to me cumming my brains out in a grocery store.

I was floored when I found out the truth. However, that was not the end of my humiliation, but the beginning. My dom was previously married to an American women, and he had two sons and a daughter. After letting my son control my vibrator, he had passed the game onto his sons. After that, he passed it onto guys he met at bars and clubs.

I had all my life had been accustomed to harbor thoughts that were forbidden to be voiced. Those thoughts, formless, mindless, and shapeless, became the basis of my struggle throughout my adult years. They belonged to me and were mine own, and I even entertained the conviction that I had a right to those thoughts because they concerned no one but myself.

Even when I’m alone, all by myself, as I walked down the street, fully clothed, those thoughts come rushing toward me, like hands poking though my cunt. The hunger inside my womb was like a raging fire. I thought I it would drive me insane.

I was and I am now forever a slave to white men. White men rule over me as kings. My pleasure was subordinated to theirs.

Those thoughts formed words and whispered to me.

I am still infatuated with white men. I had tried to forget about white men, realizing the futility of remembering. But those thoughts are like obsessions, ever pressing themselves upon me.

Flashes of all the white men who have fucked me appeared before my eyes. It was not the details of our acquaintances, our passionate nights together, that dwelt upon my mind. It was their being, their existence, which dominated me, which, sometimes fading, sometimes lucid, eventually melt into the mist of forgetting; then, out of nowhere, reviving again with an intensity which filled me with an incomprehensible longing.

Reading Excerpts from My Sexual Submission to White Power by Claire Liu

I need a White owner. I need a White Man to own me, use me and fuck me. I need a White Man’s discipline and I need to be used by him, tortured by him, and sexually abused by him. I need to receive daily beatings as all the other Chinese girls owned by White Men must receive, the strong hand of a dominant white god punishing a little Chinese whore, who ought to be always naked, always on her hands and knees, collared and leashed like a bitch, exhibited to strangers, shared by his friends, sexually humiliated at all times, become a White Man’s semen urinal, and bear his children for him.

It’s amazing how sexually aroused I am when I’m around White Men. Every time when I walked down the street and I saw a White Man looking at me, it was like electricity shooting through my body. I wanted to tell him that I wanted him so bad, I wished he would come up to me, talk to me, seduce me, take me to his home, fuck me, use me, and shoot his cum into me, breed me like a cheap Chinese whore, and then tie me up and put me in a garbage bag, and dump my naked body to the dumpster. My naked yellow flesh is for White Men’s consumption. Bite into me, slap me, and treat me like a cheap Chinese slut. Use me in anyway as you wish.

— My Sexual Submission to White Power: The Diary of an Ordinary Chinese Woman’s Transformation from an Obedient Asian Wife to a Masochistic Chink Slut by Claire Liu

Asian Cravings

Would you like to tie me up and use my tight Asian pussy to satisfy your thick white cock, sir? I know it’s too big and I know it’s gonna hurt but it’s okay.

You know that I’ve been craving your big white cock for a long time. I think about it whenever I close my eyes. I want to feel your big white cock stretching my tiny Asian pussy until I break, until I can’t take it anymore, until I’m crying from both ends.

You know there is nothing that makes an Asian whore like me wetter than thinking about how you will put my legs over your arms and fuck me against the wall. I go crazy just thinking about it.

I get so horny knowing I’m just another cheap Asian whore being put in her place, on her knees, collared and leashed and pumped full of my white master’s cum.

Do you want to beg and plea for it, white master?

I bet you’ve fucked enough Asian girls to know, that I can’t help myself. The second a white man approaches me, the image of his big white cock enters my mind and I start to get wet. My brain goes blank and all I can think about is his cock inside me. Thrusting deep in my tight little Asian cunt.

I cried like a little virgin the first time I got split open by a real man’s cock (that is, not a tiny Asian dick) and came over and over. Now, I can never go back.

It’s only natural. Asians were born to be slaves for white cocks.

It’s only natural. Asian cunts crave the attention of white men.

It’s only natural, as you pin me down and drill my wet asian pussy until I’m a screaming mess, impaled on your big white cock as I beg for more, slapped, beaten, degraded, humiliated, my asian hole burning with lust and shame, as you ram your cock back inside me; until you have forced more orgasm out of me than I had previously thought possible; until I’m completely vanquished and conquered, laying prostrate, at your mercy, turned into your obedient asian slave.