All throughout middle school and high school I remember having crushes on the cute white boys. I remember my friends (most of them were white girls with blonde hair) straight up laughing at me when I would tell them who my crush was, and they would literally tell me that I had zero chance. “He would never look at a girl like me because he only date white girls. Not some yellow girl with no tits, no ass, and no personality.” They said. Admittedly, I was not super hot back then. This experience occurred countless times throughout my teenage years. Sure, once or twice, I would have dismissed it, but by the third time it happened, I began to internalize those feelings. One time, a white girl even slapped me because I tried to flirt with her boyfriend.

I want to say that I wasn’t hurt, and I tried to play it cool. I told her I liked being slapped and I asked her to slap me again. But the truth was, I was deeply hurt. I just tried to hide those feelings for a really long time.

I haven’t really given much thought about all of it until after I graduated from high school. Part of me wanted to bury all those bad feelings. I wanted to forget all of it. I devoted all my time to studying in college, to being a good student, and even though I still yearned and desired for white boys, I suppressed those feelings. 

Now that I’m in my 20s, I’m much more attractive, and a full-blown slut for white cocks, I decided to give some thought to the reason behind my desire to only date and have sex with white guys. I traced the reason to my experience as a person of color growing up, not being accepted by any of the white guys I was into, and also of being laughed at by white girls for liking white guys. 

It’s like I have something to prove to myself when I get fucked by white guys. It makes me feel worthy and “hot enough.” Nothing turns me on like a white guy deciding he wants to have sex with me. I probably need therapy for this, but in the meantime, I’m enjoying therapizing myself in this manner,

I find them at clubs/bars and on apps. I let them do whatever they want to me. I let them call me names, use me however they want, all my holes, spit on me, fuck me till I almost pass out, choke on their cocks until I can’t breathe, cum in my pussy and ass. Everything. I cannot get enough. I know it’s super weird but I love being choked. The feeling of their big, rough thumbs on my windpipe, their monster grip at the nape of the back of my head, all the while their cocks are thrusting and stabbing me inside my pussy. I remember being scared and excited and all this melted into a horniness which eventually culminates in my having multiple orgasms from being impaled on their big white cocks.

The guy I’m seeing now likes to slap his cock on my face over and over again when I’m on my knees.  The slap was more humiliating than painful, and for some reason when he slapped me with his cock, I remembered being slapped by the white girl from high school. And it made me feel horny. Then when I’m begging for it he will stuff the entire thing down my throat to the balls. I never feel more at peace than when I’m in that position. He will call me his white cock serving Asian whore while I’m choking and gagging on it.

I wrote this diary entry about two years before I became married to my current husband. I’ve been completely honest with him about my slutty past and he is okay with it. My husband is a dominant white man and his terms for me are slut, fuckdoll, shameless Asian whore, enthusiastic cumslut. Now, I enjoy being his exclusive slut and I enjoy serving him and degrading myself for his pleasure. When he fucks me, he likes me telling him all the depraved sex acts I’ve done with other guys, so he could repeat them and go beyond.

Despite of being fully American, I also am now starting to be more in touch with my Japanese heritage. I tutor Japanese language at a college. I participate in Japanese Student Association events and I enjoy introducing Japanese culture to more Americans. I also am active in match-making between Japanese women and American men.