To All the White Boys I’ve Loved

People say your whole life flashes before your eyes when you die. For a chink whore who has dedicated her life to the service of white cock, it’s a bit simpler. The hottest white men that have fucked her throughout her life flashes before her slanted eyes.

AGE 18: DYLAN
He was the school jock, surrounded by beautiful white girls, while she–the chink–was the nerdy, quiet asian girl who just came from China. The white girls teased and bullied her, but no one hated her more than Dylan, the white boy whose grandfather fought in the Korean war. “The chinks were so cruel to us,” he said and rightfully so. White men were going to set all of Asia free and the chinks decided that slavery was better than freedom and fought against the brave white soldiers on the battlefields, and cast the entire continent of Asia under the spell of slavery, oppression and poverty for the next 100 years; and Dylan, the descendant of the white god, seething perilous rage from his pure blue eyes and seeking revenge, picked on the little chink girl mercilessly with his taunts and jeers; and he was the first person ever to call her a “chink” and he did it in front of everyone in class.

That was when the entire class burst out in laughter.

The submissive chink was humiliated. She lowered her head, hot shame in chiaroscuro of pink and red flushed her yellow face, and yet she took it stoically like a typical submissive chink. The white girls, smirking, and laughing, walked over in wavy staggering forms, and slapped the chink girl hard across the face. “This is what you get for being a chink,” the white girls laughed, and the little chink girl cried.

The little white gods and goddesses didn’t stop torturing the poor little chink there, especially not Dylan. Dylan was cruel, and devised a plot to hurt her in ways no white girls could.

He started being nice to her, and even actively befriended the shy, coy chink girl, who always had a secret desire for white guys, because, back home in chinkland, even her grandparents encouraged her to date white boys; and her mother, a well educated Chinese woman who worked for the Communist Propaganda department of the Central Government of China, actually forbade her to talk to other chinks in America, and instructed her to solely focus on making friends with white American folks, and, she even said, “If you could not find a white boyfriend on your own, then I will either help you find one, or, failing the first option, I will marry a white man myself, and divorce that useless chink father of yours.”

The naive chink girl started to fall in love with the first white boy who ever flirted with her. She was a virgin and, he told her that he would be gentle with her, as she let go of her white panties and bra, exposing her naked oriental flesh before her ruthless white conqueror, all the while staring at his godlike white physique. She couldn’t believe how handsome he was, how masculine and powerful he was. No little chink boy could ever grow to such enormous size. Ever. He pinned her down and pounded her tight virgin asian pussy with his big white cock, and she cried and screamed while he laughed and taunted her, and after his conquest he waved his big white cock stained with her fresh virginal blood like a glorious sword and slapped it against her face. No longer on the battlefield, the mighty white soldier had still conquered Asia, through the conquest of Asian pussies. The little chink was in hot shame of ecstasy and gave her heart to him. Afterward, he broke up with her and broke her heart into a million small pieces.

Back in school, all the other white boys now knew the little chink girl was easy prey for white meat, and it didn’t take long for all of them to have their turn with her, using her to clock up their first fuck. That was when she realized how powerful white cocks were, how much she loved white cocks, and how much she worshipped white men.

It had become an open secret that the asian girl was an easy whore for white cocks. When the white girls went out for pizza party, they ordered her a special “white cocks lovers’ pizza” just for her, with the cum of all the white boys from the football team as her special toppings …

Age 21: Wyatt
Wyatt was her roommate’s boyfriend in college. Her roommate was a typically tall, blonde, slim white girl and the white bitch had nothing but contempt for asian girls, whom she saw as a race of whores who are so eager to sell out their own souls to pollute the white gene pool by dating and marrying white guys. The moment the little chink whore moved in, she saw the white girl with her godlike white boyfriend laying in bed. They never acknowledged her presence, and made no effort to befriend her. It may have been the way she looked at him—it had given him cues—that the quiet and coy asian girl, though not curvy with big breasts and wide hips, but more than make up for it by being extremely submissive, having a round, porcelain face and soft yellow skin—was actually a real slut for white cock, just like all the other asian girls in their dormitory. She could tell he enjoyed teasing her, even when his white girlfriend was present. He would take off his clothes while all the asian girls of the dorm were present and they couldn’t help but stare, the godlike white man, the symbol of power, wealth, and beauty, the light of every asian womb, the fire inside every chink pussy. “WHITE-GOD,” she said under her breathe. Those words sounded so natural, so right, so instinctive as she uttered in a hushed voice. After he had stripped out of his clothes, he walked back to their room and had sex with his white girlfriend, and the sex was loud with moaning and groaning, and he didn’t give a fuck if any of those little chink whores were present or if they were all trying to sleep, and the chink girls knew better than to complain. Sometimes, while the white god and goddess were having sex, the pitiful chink secretly masturbated herself under the sheets.

One late night, the dorm room door was unlocked. The white goddess’ white boyfriend stumbled in and shook the little chink awake. She woke up in a daze and she could smell the strong stench of alcohol in his breathe. He told her he would fuck her that night. He didn’t ask. It was a matter-of-fact. He flipped the horny little chink over on the bed and fucked her doggy style. She screamed so loud all the other asian girls in the dorm heard, and of course, the white goddess too was rudely awakened.

“I can’t believe the little chink whore fucked my boyfriend.”

The chink was so ecstatic with pleasure that she couldn’t help but cry and even begged for second rounds, but the white god realized his mistake and retreated. The next morning the white goddess flipped the chink out of her bed, slapped her hard across the face. That afternoon she moved out with her white boyfriend to an off-campus address. The Asian girls in the other rooms, however, were jealous.

“She got a taste of white cock,” they whispered.

AGE 24: MATT

The little chink whore has now become a working professional and a full blown white-cock-crazed slut. She has stopped pretending that she is anything other than white-only. Like all the other asian girls who grew up in America, she knew she only liked white men and would only date white men, and she would never ever even look at an asian guy, let alone date one. Looking at a disgusting chink man, knowing that she is of the same race as a chink, made her want to vomit. All she ever wanted now was to be cleansed and baptized by white sperm, to be reborn again into the white race.

Matt was the nerdiest and least attractive white man there was, and even for a white man who was otherwise a complete loser and had no chance with an attractive white woman, he has had a series of the most drop-dead gorgeous asian girlfriends, and she—our little chink protagonist—was his fifth asian girlfriend in the last two years, and even though he wasn’t physically rough as her previous white boyfriends, he was emotionally the most cruel. He didn’t even refer to her as his girlfriend and merely told everyone that she was merely his fuck buddy, and when he was not having sex with her, he left her naked with a dog collar and on a leash like a puppy and made stringent rules for her to follow in his house, such as not being allowed to use the toilet in the house, and must pee in the backyard, not being allowed to eat at the table, but must eat from a dog bowl, and even made her present herself as a naked dog to her white colleagues from work when they came for visits. She couldn’t tell if he had any feeling for her; sometimes he would be romantic but then ignore her for weeks. He would message her late at night and ask her to come over, and he’d fuck her silly like he hated her. He almost never took her out on dates and even when he did, she never felt that he was in love with her, but she was never more in love than when she was with him. For the first time, she finally had hoped that a white guy would want to settle down with her, even if he were a bit abusive.

It all came crashing down when he started to ignore her again. It had been months since she heard from him and she had been trying to call and message him. No replies. Eventually, he blocked her number and unfriended her on Facebook. He had ghosted her and left her for the dogs.

Her little chink heart was broken once again.

The next time she saw him, across the street from where she was getting her sushi takeout, she heard his deep laugh and she saw him with a different asian girl wrapped around his arm.

AGE 29: LOGAN

The chink slut knelt in front of him and stared up at his massive hairy chest. Even though he was 60 years old he was still incredibly fit and strong. At the age of 29, the chink whore felt she was getting too old to look for white guys her age to fuck, because it made her feel self-conscious, to know that she has passed the prime of her age and was yet still unable to fulfill her life long dream of marrying a white man. So in stead she settled with older white men nowadays, and she hit the jackpot with Logan.

He was gruff and masculine. Every hair follicle on his broad chest excreted testosterone. She knew he liked to fuck asians and he never fucked the same asian twice, but she didn’t care. She has given up on any fantasy of finding a white husband and all she cared now about getting as much white cock in her asian cunt as possible, before she became too old.

With an endless supply of asian whores throwing themselves at his feet, Logan knew he could be as cruel as he wanted. The white god pinned her down and shoved his big thick cock down her throat until she couldn’t breathe. He fucked all his asian whores bareback and made sure he cummed inside each one of them. He said this was what he used to do in the Philippines too. And after getting fucked, before she was allowed to leave, the pathetic chink must give her white master a foot massage, with her mouth. She slobbered all over his manly white feet and she was mesmerized by the power, the superiority that the white man represented. The little chink whore has devoted her life to serving white men and was willing to be dominated and humiliated just like every other asian whore.

After she was thoroughly fucked, she picked up her belongings and left. When she exited his apartment, in the elevator, she saw a beautiful young Korean woman with permed hair, wearing bright red heels, and skin-tight miniskirt, getting off on the same floor. Instinctively she knew Logan’s next asian girlfriend has just arrived, waiting for her turn to be fucked and bred with superior white sperm.

AGE 38: ANGUS

Before the chink whore went back to jail to report to her parole officer, she knelt down again before her white god and received her beatings. After she was thoroughly beaten, she was fucked, not in her pussy, but in her ass.

“White cock hurts so good,” she murmured, teary-eyed as her white god dominated her.

The little chink whore got into a failed marriage with a loser chink husband who was completely unaware of her sexual escapades with many white men before marriage, and she had even given birth to an ungrateful chink pig daughter who was a pure bred chink. Unlike all her Asian girlfriends who gave birth to half-white babies, the chink slut, troubled by the sight of a pure bred chink husband and its demon-spawn chink babies from her own womb, was filled with resentment, anger, and despair, and everyday she wished that she could leave her pathetic chink husband. It was at the restaurant that they worked in she met Angus, a pure-white 19 years old college student who was willing fuck a mature asian mother, provided that she was also willing to be fucked by all his white friends. The chink slut was in ecstasy and relived her childhood dreams. Flashbacks brought her memory to high school, where she was humiliated, beaten, and eventually fucked and dumped by the white guys at her school, and she felt so happy, so at ease, and she was willing to live the rest of her life worshiping her white gods. She showered Angus with gifts and even paid his bills; on weekends she went over to his apartment and cleaned his room like a cleaning lady and if she pleased him well enough, he would let her lick his asshole after he worked out.

In order to remain with him, she agreed to let him and all his white buddies fuck her as much as they wanted, and it almost drove her crazy, from being fucked so often, but she had no power to complain. She knew her life was at the very edge. She was a cheap washed-up asian slut and Angus was her last hope of ever being able to get fucked by white guys. He even whored her out to other white men and turned her into a full-blown prostitute, charging clients only 20 dollars for a blowjob and 40 dollars for full service. Not satisfied with turning her as a whore, Angus and his white buddies set up online cam profiles for her and made her perform for money, and Angus kept all the profit.

Soon her chink pig husband found out about her infidelity and had a mental breakdown. He tried to kill her and she called the police and now the chink loser is in a mental hospital, and a divorce settlement is still under deliberation after a lengthy trial that ate away almost all their savings. With nowhere to go, the pitiful chink whore turned to Angus, who introduced her to his sadistic grandfather, who was a Vietnam-war veteran and was very skilled in torturing chinks and gooks and had turned the chink whore into what she was always destined to be, a sex slave for white cock. She received beatings everyday and must do everything her white master ordered. It was like being in a training camp for soldiers. The chink must learn to be completely obedient and she was to be so broken until she realized she was completely worthless without her white god. After her training was complete, she was willing to eat her own feces if her white god had ordered her, and she was kicked out of his house to become a BDSM prostitute, where she was arrested for prostitution and sentenced to seven years in prison …

__________________

And there ends the sad life of a chink. And no, she didn’t die at 38. She lived, and would probably continue to live well into an old age. But that was the last time she got fucked by a white man, and a chink’s life isn’t worth living–it’s not really a “life”–without white men. A chink’s life ends when she loses favor with white men, and when her body finally passes away, as this warm sensible motion becomes a kneaded clod, the chink will be blessed with that quicksand of memories, memories of the all white men that made her poor sad life worth living, of all the white boys she has loved.

Author: jennifer suzuki

I have been a very confused—some might say very conflicted—girl ever since I can remember and I have always lived in a fantasy world of my own making. I was born in Japan, my mother is Chinese and my father is Japanese, and my father's mother or my grandmother was German Dutch, and I came to the United States as a teenager and lived and went to school in Maryland, and worked in New York. I lived in fantasy worlds since I was a teenager and I have always done so, sometimes so deep in my own fantasy I forgot my own identity. I no longer knew who I am. Physically I look more European than asian. My father is of mixed heritage—he has white blond hair, but he also has some distinctly Japanese features. On the other hand my features mostly resembled my grandmother, who was a full blooded European woman. Which was not something that really bothered me. Actually most modern Japanese look very European compared to the rest of asians. My father was a sadist, and my mother, on the other hand, was, in my opinion, a masochist with no self respect. Growing up, seeing my father beating my mother was almost as frequent as having dinner, and when not beating her, she was constantly being humiliated and degraded, like having to serve dinner to him naked on her knees or being tied to an utility pole only in her panties during the winter. At first I believed my mother was a victim, a unfortunate human being in the hands of a cruel evil man, but as I grew older I realized that it was my mother who enjoyed being treated this way. The initial realization made me feel she was a disgusting, perverted, sick person, but as I grew older I began to have the almost identical sexual fantasies that my mother lived and experienced through. I began to think that my mother was the luckiest woman on earth since apparently she had found a man who understood her desires and could give them to her. My dad studied and worked in America before, and during that period he desperately wanted to marry a white woman, and vehemently pursued several white women, but was unsuccessful. At the same time Japanese women were unwilling to marry him. Maybe because just like him they were looking to marry into the white race, or maybe because he had sadistic tendencies. Out of options he settled to look for a Chinese woman. Statistically, marriages between Chinese women and Japanese men have been quite common, and I personally knew quite a few couples just like my mother and father. Even here in America I knew several Chinese women who had Japanese boyfriends and those women were actually quite proud of having superior Japanese men as boyfriends. Japanese in general look much more European compared to other asians and I suspect it was the putative European appearance that attracts other asian women. Of course Japanese are not Europeans, no matter how much we try to become European, just as Jews will never be fully accepted as White Christians. I think Jews and Japanese have a lot in common. We were both persecuted by Europeans, the Jews by Germans, and Japanese by Americans, yet we both come to love our white Masters. Jews weren't officially considered white until very recently, and I think as time progresses eventually Japanese will be categorized as white in the future, though Jews and Japanese will always know that they are still inferior to their Nordic Masters. But as always the Jews will be Masters over the Arabs and the Japanese will be Masters over the rest of Asia. There is no other meaning to life, other than the degree of domination. I had an older sister who looked fully asian, as opposed to me who looked much more European. And ever since childhood I have always known for a fact that I was treated better by everyone else because of my distinctly European appearance. In school classmates would be hesitant to tease me because they always thought my father might be an American or an European man even though they knew my mother was Chinese but somehow they still were afraid of me solely because of my European appearance. The thing was that in Japanese naming system, my mother's last name automatically gets attached to mine, so for example, my name in Japanese would actually be "Suzuki Liu Jennifer", because my mother's maiden name is Liu; this way everyone would instantly know my mother is Chinese. On the other hand my sister was bullied almost everyday by upper classmates because she looked very Chinese. They made fun of her hair and clothes and told her that she looked like a Chinese pig and I had seen boys pulling down her pants and laughing at her for having a "Chinese vagina". I was a very young girl back then and I felt ashamed of having her as a sister so in school I didn't talk to her at all. When I was 12 years old, she committed suicide by hanging herself in her closet. I know this because I was the one who discovered her body. My parents would have never told me about her death if I did not saw her dead body by myself. And ever since her death a dark cloud formed over my head and throughout my teenager years I was constantly harrowed by thoughts of suicide. It was not until I was much older that I learned suicide is infectious and that had been why I was constantly thinking about suicide. The realization made me try not to think too much about death, but no matter how much I try I can never get her image out of my head. Sometimes I feel she still haunts me because I didn't talk to her in school. My parents divorced when I was 14 and I went to live with my mom in China for two years. Contrary to popular beliefs, I had never experienced any form of racism or discrimination against me when I was living in China. Most people assumed that I was an European girl and the aura of being European seemed to make me inapproachable, like the shield of Athena covering me from head to toe. Even when I was in school, when classmates would know my father was Japanese because of my last name, I had never really felt any discrimination, though I did feel they were kind of afraid of me. I had never realized how much being White meant until I was in America: the symbol of power, domination, and superiority that being White implies. Being White is being the entelechy of all that is beautiful, good and righteous. Which is strange because my nationality still is, in actuality, Japanese and as I grew older I started to look more asian. My hair has gotten completely dark and my looks started to resemble my mother's. I used to have very light-colored hair, but I just felt fortunate that I do not look fully asian like my sister was. When I saw this image [of a naked asian woman kneeling next to a black furred dog] in a Japanese SM magazine a few days ago, all of a sudden I remembered seeing my mother in a similar position when I was maybe just 5 or 6 years old. It was not a pleasant experience; it was an extremely scary and traumatic experience, and growing up I heard constant moaning and muffled screams coming from my parents' bedroom. Every evening was a nightmare to fall asleep. But knowing that many asian women were treated the same way as my mother had been treated somehow made me feel better about my own family. At least my parents were not as weird as they seemed, and while growing up I had gradually come to realize that many asian girls have the same masochistic tendencies as I do, but many were just very shy and wouldn't admit their secrets. So it seems there are many masochistic asian women out there who thrives on been humiliated and degraded just like the girl in this image; I don't know why but this image made me feel kind of normal. I have lived in the States for nearly ten years now and I have not talked to my parents, who had divorced, for several years, especially to my mother whom I had some very severe arguments with over the years, especially when she remarried after she went back to China. I was more fond of my father though I haven't really talked to him that much either because he too had remarried. Despite all the mean things I had said about my dad, he was always very gentle with me and never beat me. He beat my sister and my mother but never me and I suspect he was much more gentle with me because of my more European looks. I felt their divorce was a punishment for me, as if they had abandoned me and I never felt comfortable with either of them or their new spouses, whether it be in China or in Japan. My mother's new husband was a very cruel and domineering white man living in China and he never treated me with the same special treatment I received from my dad. And I remember one time when I went out with him people on the street mistook me for his wife and I felt so disgusted I never wanted to go out with him again and then he would yell at me and yell at my mom. I am glad to have gotten out of there. And my dad ... well let's just say I couldn't bear to coexist with his new wife either. The last time we talked was already 3 years ago. This image had brought back so many long forgotten yearnings. I miss my sister and my parents. The memory of my sister and my parents started to fade away, like wavering forms they passed before my clouded sight; their images have become a blur rise about me out of mist and cloud; their faces, and their figures have become shades of phantoms; I wanted to hold you close to me in that blessed fleeting moment when you reappeared to me in my dreams. If only I possessed the strength to draw you near. I wanted to forever remember you—you bear the images of happy days; your airy smiles still stir youthful tremors in my breast—but my memory faltered. It would have been simpler if I were already dead. I would never be seized again by those long forgotten yearnings. I shuddered at those thoughts; and a tear draws other tears. Crying is my only form of release; through crying I am channeled to the solemn and silent world of spirits; crying is my whispered prayer that lingers in a vagrant tone. I have no one to talk to. I live in solitary confinement. I have been driven to madness even though physically I stay put. My life—full of dolor, pain and suffering. Sometimes I wish I could end it. The only reason I continue to live is for otherwise I lack the courage to carry out that final act, to take me beyond and step into the unknown. It is so much better to have been never born at all, or at least to die an immediate death. How sweet and wonderful death would be. My dear Aya, I am so very sorry! A vast space of nothingness in the empty universe fills my heart. Everyday of my life I live in terror because of you. A family dog Growing up, I always felt lonely. My family dog was my only companion. He was a slightly larger than a medium sized dog, with grey and dark fur, and a nozzle that resembled a wolf. He was so cute, so adorable, and he was my only friend. I often played with him in my desperate attempts to communicate with another living being, like Madame Bovary sitting by her fire place in a melancholic longing for escape. I want out!, out of this nonchalant prison of thoughts, out of this cruel alienated society, out of these mind forged manacles whose clanking I hear like looming madness; the marks of domestication on their faces, marks of psychological slavery, marks of intellectual death; they are mere automatons, inanimate objects, so lifeless like straw men, hollow men, stuffed men. I can't bare to look at those miserable beings' faces. In a domesticated dog I see more humanity than the entire humanity. If only my family dog can take me away! And I will elope with him to a happy place, where there is no more sorrow, no more dread, no more cold metallic prison walls of the mind. My family dog was my only friend, and he was my only confidante. To him I entrusted all my deepest secrets. Sometimes I wished I was a dog: no more worries, no more sadness, no more consciousness, no more thoughts, just the need to satisfy my most basic instincts, lying by my owner's feet, worshiping him and completely dependent on him. Sometimes I wish I could have another dog just like the family dog I used to have in Japan. And he will be my husband. I will belong to him. I will be his bitch. I will obey him, crawl under his belly, gently caress his furs with my soft hands, and please him like I would please my husband. And he will be my beast and I will be his beauty. Albeit he will be a gentle beast, always so obedient to me, and yet always so much more aggressive, and animalistic; he will protect me from harm, with his sharp fangs and naturally endowed muscles for chasing down his prey; and yet he will honor me and obey me like a lover would. He will never be jealous, never be angry, as long as he is fed and watered. He will be my best friend.

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