For a very long time I’ve shirked my responsibilities as a mother and a wife, because I’ve been consumed by my lust, my lust for white cocks. 

I confess that I’ve problems. I’m addicted to white cocks. I love sucking white cocks, and I love getting fucked by white cocks; and when I cannot get what I need, my behavior becomes erratic; I cannot concentrate, I become scatterbrained, and my entire body aches. I feel so ashamed of myself because, in a sense, I’m almost like a drug addict, except sex with white men is my drug. 

I wish I could stop but I just can’t. I can’t and I have tried. Maybe I should try therapy. Even when I’m not actively getting fucked, I play with my dildo and do webcam with people online. I own a fucking machine at home which I hide under my bed. Whenever I go to any family events, school events, or some other social gathering, all I can think about is leaving with some dad or other men who were there so I can be who I really am, a shameless, depraved cum dump.

I feel shame, guilt, remorse, lust, and a whole gamut of emotions. And most of all, I feel a need to punish myself. Punish myself for being such a nasty slut. I once took a big black paper clamp, reached down between my legs, pulled my pussy lips together and clamped them together. I made myself scream in pain but the pain felt so cathartic.  

I’m pregnant yet again, and in order to support myself and my children, I decided to get married again. This time to a man who is much older than me. He is fully aware of my nymphomania and he says he accepts me for who I am. I really really really do want to become a devoted mother, a submissive wife for him, because he is so good to me. He is like a father that I never had. I suck his cock everyday and I give him full body massages. In return he gives me financial assistance. My life has been a complete mess and I feel he fulfills me and he also disciplines me and I beg him to punish me when I’m being stupid, disobedient, and irrational.

I feel I need the rough and stern hand of a real man, and he provides that to me, and for that I am grateful. I’m also rediscovering Jesus and my current husband and I go to church every Sunday. I pray to Jesus that I could abandon my sinful ways.