Most people only see the me that is on the surface, the integumentary layer of my inner core, the glamorous, elegant, and delicate protective outer whorl of sepals that envelops the real me, but only I myself, and a select few, can splay me open, like they would splice open a cantaloupe with a meat cleaver, and look at my inner scars.

I suppose this is what I hope to do symbolically when I spread my pussy lips to strangers. I show them the pink inner flesh inside my labia lips, and I expose my soft vaginal walls to them, all in the vain hope to show them the scars that are invisible to them. 

I have done things most people would find abhorrent and morally reprehensible. And I did it all just to entertain men. White men more specifically. 

Many years ago I was a student at NYU, in New York City. I lived in Soho and every night I dressed up like a cheap whore and went out to party and that was where I accosted the son of a wealthy Jewish businessman, and I was brutally raped. This event changed me. And to this day when I think back to the instance … the more I think about it, the more I’m turned on by my own rape and my subsequent slavery and sometimes I want to simulate what had happened to me and make it happen again, and that is why I often put myself into risky situations just so I can be raped and enslaved again.

I love the attention superior white and Jewish men gave me. I crave their attention. But I also know how worthless I am. I’ve been told many times that I am not as good as a white woman, and that to those billionaires, I’m a second tier slut. I remember being led to parties by my then ex-boyfriend, my rapist, and I had witnessed Japanese and Chinese girls having their nipples and labia pierced with ugly, scary rings and being suspended by their wrists and whipped mercilessly. Or having their assholes stretched out, gaped monstrously. I know how insignificant I am, and the more I thought about what I had witnessed, the more turned on I became. 

And ever since then I’ve become marked, a marked woman. 

Whenever I am alone, horny and ovulating, I dream of a train of the sons of racist, sexist, Caucasian/Jewish billionaires all taking turns using me. My ex-boyfriend’s dad had sired more than a hundred sons, all through surrogacy, and all of his sons were over six feet tall, had blonde hair and blue eyes, using the eggs from East European models. When I looked at the pictures of his brothers, I felt eerie, surreal, like I was watching the motion picture out of Gabriel García Márquez’s 100 Years of Solitude. I felt sick, but also strangely aroused, knowing that those white American Jewish men had so much power, much more power than I could ever even imagine. 

More than 100 sons. I did a double take. And he replied yes. And then I thought about it. Each surrogacy cost more than 200 thousand dollars, he told me. I let that sink in. His dad had spent more than 20 millions dollars to have 100 sons and that does not even include the cost of raising them, hiring nannies, attending private schools, for each of the 100+ sons. And that amount of money is considered nothing more than some pocket change for his family, like how I would spend 20 dollars on a typical day. 

At the time I was 19 years old, and after I was raped, I cried. I knew I was powerless against them. And when I felt powerless, I submitted and begged to be taken. He had more than me as his girlfriend, and I’ve met them, and all of them had told me that I should consider myself lucky to receive his penis inside me. It’s an honor, they all told me. 

I lasted only a few months before I was sold another man, for a “fee simple” a little over a million dollars. I did whatever he wanted me to do. I defiled myself. Degraded myself. And when I was not sufficiently obedient, lashes of spline whip were applied to make me compliant. And during cocktail parties, me and a few other of his owned girlfriends were told to drink our master’s urine and if any of us spilled or vinced in disgust, we were punished. Such as being stripped, tied to a walled window facing outside, with ankle bars attached to our feet. Then whipped. 

I was given a collar to wear, with the word “CHINK” studded in sparkling silver studs. I was one of the few Chinese girls selected. Others were Japanese, Korean, Russian, Ukrainian, with a slur for their ethnicity written on their collars. They said, I was lucky. Not everyone had the opportunity to become a sex slave to those men. 

I remember the degrading things I did, and I even cut myself remembering. I can never forget. And part of me wonders if they ever remember. Probably not even. By the time I was 21, I was too old. 

Those men have taken advantage of me, ravished me, and made me the broken slut that I am today. But I am thankful actually. I am thankful for every blissful moment they have blessed me because without it, I’m nothing. I am worthless otherwise. I would not have turned out to be the woman that I feel so proud to be today. 

I am who I am because of what they did to me, not in spite of it.

Things my white masters had done to me, as I had recorded in my diary:

January 2nd. 

Licking my own urine. During one torture session, I was beaten so badly I urinated on myself. I was suspended upside down and being whipped inside a dungeon. I lost control of my bladder and urine flowed from my pussy and traversed downward along my body until it reached all the way up to my chin. My white master gestured to his minions and told them to look and they all laughed. Then I was led down from my suspended position, and was ordered to lick up my own urine splattered on the floor. 

January 3rd. 

The cold was passing through the earth and snow blanked the entire mountain. Me along with three other Asian girls were all taken to the snowy mountain resort, pushed out into the forest completely naked. Each one of us was tied to a bare tree branch, and my master and his friends threw snowballs at our naked bodies. We were used for target practice for their snowball fight and they competed to see who hit the best. Then they also tried to bury me alive with the snow and make me into a “snow slut”. After the snowball target practice and “snow slut”, my master wanted to test his new bullwhip and I received 40 strokes on my breasts and belly, all this time I was still naked and I was scared that I might freeze to death before I was whipped to death.

January 20th. 

Alligator clamps with chains were attached to my pussy lips and a small tin can bucket was attached to the other end of the chain. My pussy lips were being stretched and they added weights to the chain. I felt my pussy lips were being pulled off of my body.

January 21st. 

More weights were attached to the clamps attached to my pussy and I had to do squats as they added more weight. I did 50 squats and my legs and pussy were so sore I had trouble standing or sitting and I couldn’t keep my legs closed because it hurt my pussy.

January 22nd. 

Again alligator clamps were attached to my pussy lips and more weights were added to the tin can bucket. This time I had to walk with the tin can swaggering between my legs. Then a can of beer was placed inside the bucket. I walked around fetching beer for my white masters using the bucket attached to my pussy lips.

February 10th. 

Talon clamps were left on my nipples for almost an hour, together with heavy chains locked around my neck, and more clamps ziplined along my pussy lips, clit, inner thighs, and a two pronged dildo shoved inside my vagina and rectum. 

February 14th. 

My white master took me to a private dinner where all the waitresses were nude models. I served as my master’s pet as I knelt by his side and watched him eating dinner with another business associate. That business associate also had an escort, a gorgeous East European woman in her early 20s kneeling beside him.

February 20th. 

Pussy torture day. My white master first used evil sticks to mark my pussy. Then he spread my labia lips on a butterfly board (used for taxidermy and insect preservation) and pinned them with needles. Lastly, he hooked electric wires to the pins and jolts of electric current were sent to my labia lips. This was all videotaped and were added to my white master’s personal collection which he shares with his billionaire buddies. 

February 22nd. 

Window display. I was strapped to a glass window with my hands and feet tied to the four corners while wearing spiked cilice belts around my thighs and waist. I was displayed for an entire day and night without any intake of food or water.

February 25th. 

Outdoor whipping. My white master rented me out to another guest who took me to a resort in Greece where I was fucked and then whipped. I was stripped naked, my wrists were tied to the girders outside of a peristyle. Then the guest whipped me with a 20 inch long whip for three hours on my back, thighs, breasts, and lower legs. My entire body was crisscrossed and beet red.

February 26th. 

Anal stretching session. The same guest used a set of three spiked dildos to train my asshole for anal sex. I was strapped with chains to a bench inside his bedroom. Two wooden toothpicks were used to pitch my asscheeks apart. Then the spiked dildos were inserted into my asshole, from the smallest one working all the way to the largest one. The dildos were shaped like carrots ringed with rounds and rounds of small dotted spikes all over its surface and it can gyrate on its own once inside my rectum. He took photographs of the three dildo placed in a row on my small back, and then he held the largest one next to my face and took another set of photos. He kept those photos as souvenirs and also shared them with my master to showcase my anal training. Afterward I was fucked in the ass and he came inside me.

February 27th. 

More anal stretching session. This time a double balled ass hook was inserted into my asshole. The double asshhook was a pair of two stainless balls that goes into my asshole and the other side of it was connected to a collar around my neck. I was made to walk around in public wearing a mini skirt with the double asshook inside my ass. After the double asshook was taken out of me, I was told to lick it clean. Afterward I was fucked in the ass again and did ass to mouth.

March 1st. 

All of my master’s girlfriends were gathered in his mansion to celebrate his birthday. His sons and daughters were also present. To celebrate his birthday, I was whipped with a rubber chain whip by one of his sons. Afterward I was taken to the basement dungeon, locked inside a small dog cage and ordered to drink my own urine by one of his sons. Then I was fucked by him.

March 3rd to March 25th. 

Middle East Tour. I was taken to the middle east, and I was tied up to a truck, completely naked and in public and driven around in the desert. Then I was taken to a mansion, where me along with a group of Russian girls were beaten, gang banged, and whipped for three weeks straight. After each time I was cummed inside, the guys would gave me a round beatings. I was paddled, caned, whipped, suspended and hogtied, and then fucked again. I believe it was during this period that I was successfully inseminated. I can’t be exactly sure who the father is, because there were so many men.

April 15. 

I was hooded, with strings tied to my nipples, and pulled upward. Needles were used to pierce my nipples with string attached to the needles. And weights were added to the outside of the string. My nipples were pulled so hard I felt like they were going to pull my nipples off of me. It was at a party and all the men were laughing and drinking bourbon and scotch as they watched me being tortured. 

April 19. 

My white master stuck candles into my asshole and lit the candles and I served as a human candle stick to him and his party guests. The burning candles dripped hot wax onto my skin and I suffered second degree burns on my butt. In fact, to entertain them, more than one candle was stuck inside me. I had five candles stuck into my asshole and one really thick candle stuck inside my pussy and I had to remain in a headstand stress position for more than 3 hours, all the while the candles were burning and scalding me. 

April 25th. 

The next day to celebrate Passover, they decorated my nipples with candle wax. Strings were used to tie my nipples off and attached to weights and then burning candles were placed on my breasts. 

May 24th. 

Pregnancy. I discovered that I was pregnant and I was told that I had two options. Either have an abortion or keep the baby but never mention about my white master’s name. And if I “ever try to do anything funny”, he said, they’d have me and my baby both thrown off one of their yachts in international waters and no one will ever know we existed. “No one will be able to save you. Not even god. Because I’m your god.” I was warned. I decided to keep the baby and took a lump sum money as compensation for my time and service to my white gods.