As a Chinese woman living in America, I have always found the concept of being seen by white men as sexy, desirable, and even slutty to be incredibly appealing. That doesn’t seem that unusual I think. Giving people, especially to white people, pleasure and sexual satisfaction has always turned me on. I like the idea of catering to someone’s fantasies and knowing that I fit into theirs. This whole post might sound weird or contradictory, but bear with me.


The idea of being perceived as more stunning, graceful, and irresistible just because I am who I am is a major turn on for me. The idea of raceplay and male misogyny are both really arousing, at least to me.

There is something thrilling about it. About being able to set aside my responsibilities and who I am supposed to be, just to be seen as this thing that is desirable simply because I am Asian and a woman. It is complicated and I don’t know if I am doing a good job explaining this. This has just been on my mind a lot lately.

Last year, I started seeing this guy who has a male superiority kink and an Asian fetish. He is married, he has two daughters, and he seems like a good husband/father. So I don’t think he really believes in it. He has lived his whole life in the Midwest and only dated white women before me. That could be why he is so into Asian women.


For me, growing up in a pretty strict, traditional Chinese household, I was always taught to blend in, behave, and stay quiet. To listen to my parents, especially my father. We moved to America when I was five, shortly before my brother was born. My parents would praise me for beating my male cousins at games, getting better grades than them, being more brave than them, even eating more than them. But when my brother was born, everything changed. The praise all went away. If I beat my brother at something it was because I was older than him. If my brother got worse grades than me when I was his age, it was because I didn’t help him. If he got hurt, it was because I didn’t protect him.


When we were in public, we acted American, but they always treated the inside of our home like it was China. My father, and later my brother, were always right. We spoke Chinese at home and we did everything at home as if we were in China. I never even ate at a restaurant until I was in high school, and that was because it was a school trip for an academic club. Outwardly, my family appears to be your typical middle class suburban American family, but internally we were a very traditional Chinese family.

But I never really felt like I fit the mode of either of those things. This is probably where a lot of this stems from.


Growing up in a family that prioritized men and living in a country where I was treated like an exotic treasure just became this “thing” in the back of my mind. Over time, I think my family life became a part of how I identify, what I find attractive, and what I didn’t want to be.

Once I became more independent as a teen, I started noticing I was drawn to certain types of people more than others. When we first moved to Canada and then to the US, I was suddenly alone. I went from having this large family with lots of friends, to being completely alone. My brother was the new baby, and a boy on top of that. I didn’t speak English at that time, so I didn’t have any friends. I was scared and alone.


The first person I became friends with in America was a white boy. We bonded over Pokemon of all things. I didn’t really need to speak English well and he didn’t seem to care. He was my first kiss, on the playground at recess. Nothing ever became of that, but ever since then I was more easily able to make friends with white boys then anyone else. And so I grew up as the lone girl in a lot of groups of guys. Late in middle school, I realized that my “friends” wanted to be more than friends because they would fight about me. And I enjoyed it. The attention, feeling desired, it filled that hole that had formed when my family moved to the US. By high school it had become more intoxicating, especially when someone saw me as uniquely attractive, even if it was based on a fantasy or stereotype. I never felt ashamed or degraded, but it made me feel cool.


Since then, I have mostly dated and hooked up with white guys. (The exception being two white women, and another Asian woman.) This includes one night stands, casual flings, and committed relationships. I would estimate that I have fucked more than thirty white guys, plus blown and jerked off about dozen more. They have varied in age, relationship status, and fitness level. I always enjoyed it, even when it wasn’t actually sex. It was incredibly hot to me to feel desired and to give them so much pleasure. Even when I am alone, I fantasize about being taken hard and used by white men. White guys have always been the center of my sexual fantasies.


I also have a strong breeding kink and desperately want to know what it feels like to be pregnant. Whenever I think about it, I imagine being impregnated by a white man. Again, this isn’t because I believe anyone is superior to anyone else, but all my fantasies are about white men. And the idea of having a mixed race child, so everyone can see that I was knocked up by a white guy through my progeny, is such a hot idea. I don’t know why that is such a turn on for me, but just the idea of being labeled as a needy Asian slut because I have a half white child is another big turn on for me. Just the idea of someone suspecting I am a desperate slut because I have a half white baby makes needy. I know it is messed up, but there is something intensely arousing about the taboo aspect of it all.


I am un-apologetically into being objectified, fetishized, and I often fantasize about being bred. Over time I have had to try to untangle whether that is just personal preference or something deeper. I have come to realize that it is something more than just preference. The way it makes me feel, being desired like that, is what gets me off. Now that I am older, it has grown into this wholly new thing. This infatuation with being degraded, with being owned, with being used, and being bred have become some of my favorites. The pull is something I cannot deny. I desperately want to feel what it is like to be made into a mother, and the idea of being impregnated by a white man, so everyone who sees my child knows, is such a hot idea for me. It is weird, but being labeled as something because I have a half white child has become another big turn on for me.

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