I’m suddenly reminded of some gum commercial I saw when I was a teenager, “How it feels to be chewing on ten gums all at the same time …” and then it was just some person falling into a rainbow LSD-fused wormhole.

That’s actually kind of how I feel like when I was being gangbanged. It was a complete sensory overload. I used to be really good with people-recognition. I can tell who is speaking, who is touching me. I can associate a person’s voice, touch, smell, face, and I’m very good at remembering people’s names.

But when I was being gangbanged, all my abilities were tossed out of the window.

I would be having a guy’s cock inside my pussy pumping hard and yet I would have absolutely no idea whose cock it was.

I could feel some guy’s cock inside my mouth and the tip of his cockhead was hitting against the back of my throat, and I didn’t even have time to think to myself, “Who is he and whose cock is it?” All the while some other guy’s cock slapping against my nose bridge and he was smearing his precum on my face.

I could feel my hands being twisted and hitched up behind my back which usually would make me yelp in pain, but some guy’s cock was stuffed down my throat and I had no way to scream, and so I just had to take the pain silently. Then some guy was trying to put his hard cock inside the palm of my hand and ask me to jerk him off. When I didn’t respond he put his hand over mine (his hands were enormous) and just made me make a fist over his cock.

I would hear men’s laughter, talking to each other, snickering, and rough grunts and my head was so dizzy and my whole body was so overwhelmed I had absolutely no way to tell who was speaking, sometimes I couldn’t even tell what language they were speaking. They were all speaking English, but the sounds became indistinguishable inside my mind and they became a blur and I would be horrified, horrified that I was losing the ability to even recognize language.

I would even feel different men’s pubic hair stuck in between my teeth, and after they were finished gangbanging me, I would reach my fingers into my mouth and pick out their pubic hair from between my teeth, and I knew they belonged to different men because their color was different.

But this little trifle pales in comparison to the fact that different men were depositing their semen inside me. After one session, which usually involved at least ten different guys, I would have all of their DNA deposited in all of my holes, multiple times. The realization that their sperm, billions of them, were now fighting inside my body, inside my tummy, my womb, and my rectum, all locked in a life and death match against time to find the path to my ovary.

That realization made me ponder on what life really is. Life as a constant struggle. Life as a struggle to reproduce. And that realization made me feel it’s okay to be bred, because this is what I was designed to be.

There were times when they would coordinate with each other when they fuck me. Some guy was fucking me inside my pussy and then another guy was trying to stick his cock inside my ass, and I don’t know if they spoke to each other or not, (I honestly don’t remember), but the guy who was pumping furiously into my pussy slowed down, and the guy behind me was groping my asscrack with his cock as he searched for the entrance to my butt hole. Once he was inside, the two of them would pick up their pace again, and I felt like a bug being squeezed and rolled around between two giant, iron cogwheels

Whenever I had the chance I would observe their faces and I would try very hard to associate their faces with the cum inside my body and it was a futile effort on my part. I simply wasn’t able to keep track of all that was happening to me. My mind was glazed, not to mention the fact that my entire body became soft as cotton and all my joints ached. But out of instinct, I tried. I tried and I wanted to keep track of who was cumming inside me and when.

Gangbang felt like participating in a very competitive sports event, and even though I drank so much cum during it, I would still be thirsty afterward, and usually I needed to take a nap right afterward, because of how traumatized and exhausted my body was.

But most important of all, I felt I had lost all dignity as a woman. I ceased to be even human. I was an insect. There was one time a guy came up to my face after the gangbang and he sat on my face with his bare ass and my nose and mouth were all smothered into his asscrack. Then he commanded me to “Eat my ass, slut!” Then I heard laughter around the room.

I wondered how I would react if I wasn’t just being gangbanged. I wondered if someone did to this me while I was at work or in school. I think I would have been angry, but the fact that I was their gangbang whore, I felt I was in no position to protest.

Initially I resisted the urge to let them take photos of me, but as time progressed, I realized, resistance was futile. Everyone of them has had at least a few dozen photos and videos of me being gangbanged from different angles, and they would brag to their other friends that I was their gangbang slut.

And when that happened, when I heard their cameras shutter and the LEDs on their phone cameras flash, I felt like I had become a star, almost a superstar, a rock star. All the guys were fighting to get access to me, and it made me feel so special. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, but I know I enjoyed the attention I was getting. At that moment I felt I was a goddesss. I was no longer an inferior bug. I was their princess. Their gangbang princess.

This became addictive. This sensory overdrive. This roller coaster of emotion. This complete overwhelming of all my senses. I cannot get by a day without thinking about all the guy’s cocks, the smell they left on me, the cum smeared in the inside my mouth, permanently imprinted to my gum and teeth, the sperm that was left swimming inside my vaginal duct, swimming toward my uterus, find their home inside my ovary.

So many different men have left their DNA permanently inside me.

It scares me to think about it, and I woke up in the middle of the night after I had a wet dream, a nightmarish wet dream. I saw hundreds of men, and I recognize their faces as all the men who have gangbanged me, and they were all coming at me all at the same time, and they were tearing me from limb to limb like a pack of hungry wolves.

And after I woke up from this dream I found my lower body was completely meshed and my pussy was sopping wet. It was a mixture of my own pussy juice and sweat, and I felt disgusted with myself. Yet I could not control myself. This feeling was like a drug taking over my body.

I felt abnormal because I did something that is unthinkable to a lot women, and I felt scared that I will be made into a pariah among my own gender, but then again, it didn’t matter, because I’m literally being treated like a queen among men, so that is that. Lying to myself does no good to me. Being gangbanged is my happy place, being turned into a free-use kinky yellow slut for white men for their pleasure and entertainment makes me feel useful. This feeling of being useful had me hooked, and I’m addicted.

All those thoughts flashed before my mind’s eye as I was left once again in a sweaty, cum-covered, quivering mess today yet again.

I once even passed out after I had multiple orgasms during which time I was made airtight, and when I regained consciousness I saw myself facing a large mirror, naked, my breasts and pussy exposed and on full display, my arms and legs were twisted like a pretzel and restrained by ropes, and there were mysterious liquids leaking out of my every hole. There was a laptop open and a small webcam were attached to the erect lid on top, and its LED was blinking. Videos of my gangbang was being played on the laptop on repeat and then I heard one guy telling the rest if he thinks they could livestream my gangbang session.

The thought scared me, but also turned me on. So they really want to turn me into a whore, a porn star. Is this what I really wanted? I asked myself. And I’m still searching for an answer.