First of all, I’m very sorry for my poor English. I emigrated from Tibet to America with my parents and so English is not my first language.

I had a very traumatized past. Both my mom and I suffered sexual abuse in prisons with Chinese men. I was raped two times, my mom was a victim of serial gangrapes on an almost daily basis. My father, my uncle and my grandfather were all subject to torture in Chinese prisons. My dad’s chest is covered with large swathes of scarred, gangrenous wounds. Both of his nipples were gone and in their place were scale-like scars covering them.  My grandfather died in prison ant after he died, the police allowed some family members to look at his corpse, and they said that there were wounds all over his body and congealed blood and unknown gray and white matter was continuously oozing out of his ears, nose, eyes and the edge of his mouth even after he died. He was immediately cremated afterwards.

My mom had suffered bleeding from her vagina and anus as a result of the gangrape she suffered at the hands of the Chinese thugs. And even after we were released from the black prison site, Chinese thugs were stationed inside our home and were watching over us 24 hours a day and on many occasions the men gangraped my mom in front of me.

We fled Tibet and applied for political asylum in the United States embassy in India and we are now living in America where I went to college. Due to my traumatized past I had difficulty trusting men and I became a lesbian.

I dated several girls and then I became involved in a long term relationship with this Asian American female who was the same age as I was. She is bisexual and in addition to me she has a few boyfriends, all of them are white American men.

Her parents were originally from China but she was born in America, and we met in the Asian Club at our college. She is very pretty and she can speak Chinese fluently but we mostly converse in English because she feels more comfortable speaking English. I speak Tibetan at home and I’m fluent in Chinese as well. We were required to speak Mandarin Chinese when we were in school in Tibet.

She is very interested in my traumatic past and she makes me recount my traumatic past while she is sexually abusing me and sometimes she would do the exact same things the Chinese thugs did to me. When I told her that the Chinese thugs used my mom as a cigarette ashtray, she started smoking (she didn’t smoke before) and ordered me to serve as her ashtray. She makes me kneel before her, I open my mouth, and she flicks cigarette ash into my mouth.

Another time while we were cuddling in bed together and we had a double ended dildo stuffed inside our vaginas, she asked me about my trauma and as I told her about it, she started thrusting against the didlo and ended up orgasming on it. Then she told me, “You know, I can help you get over it.”

I asked her how and she said, “I feel like you should relive it.”

But I told her “Don’t you think it’s just going to make it worse?”

And then she just shrugged and said something along the lines of “But I think it’s going to be so fucking hot.”

I told her I absolutely hated the idea, but the fact that I seemed to hate the idea turned her on even more and over the next few days she kept on peppering me with questions about my trauma and she even started to arrange for guys to meet with me.

I was adamant at first but she reassured me it was going to be okay because, she said, “I’m here for you, honey. It’s going to be okay …. I’m here for you, babe … I’m not going to hurt you.”

Her voice was so musical when she said it and I was lulled by her words and so eventually I agreed.

She invited three guys who were friends with her and invited them to our place. Once there, she took off my clothes for them and as she was doing this, she was telling me, “Is this how they did it to your mother?” I was relieved that they were not Chinese guys. She told me before she doesn’t date Asian guys and all her male friends were white American guys.

The guys were grinning but they didn’t say a word and she continued to say stuffs like, “It’s okay babe. I told them about what happened to you and your mom in China. We are not going to hurt you. We are here to heal you. You are in America now. You are safe.”

Once I was completely naked the guys came up to me and started to touch all over me. Then they took out their cocks and she held my hands and tugged them forward until my fingers touched their cocks. She told me, “It’s okay, they don’t bite.”

Initially I felt disgusted when I touched their cocks but because I trusted her, I fought against my own disgust and stroked those cocks. She kept calling me, “Good girl. It’s going to be ooooookay … it’s going to be oooooookay. Those are big white American cocks … big …. white …. American …. cocks ….”

I don’t know if I’m conveying the proper sense of what she was saying but whenever I hear her speak I feel like I’m being lulled to sleep, like I was being lulled to sleep by my mother when I was very young, and her words just kind of stuck inside my mind and I keep on repeating what she said because it was like music to my ears.

After that one guy came up to me and his fully hard cock was placed between my breasts and he rubbed it against me and he was using my breasts and mouth while my girlfriend fingered my pussy. I was scared to be honest. But whenever I tried to move away, she held me very tightly so I couldn’t move and her long fingernails were dug into my flesh.

Then another guy approached me from another side and instead of using me, that guy’s cock was inside my girlfriend’s mouth and she was sucking on it. I still held the third guy’s cock with my other hand and I felt like I was in a dream. Even though I was not reacting to their touches, I was screaming silently inside me. A million emotions were running through me and I felt like my heart was bleeding, like someone had twisted a knife into me.

My girlfriend slapped my ass, slapped my face, tucked on my nipples, and I was crying and she said, “That’s how she likes it,” to the guys and eventually I was pushed down on the bed and one guy climbed on top of me and had his cock inside me. As the guy did it, he said, “Holy fuck, this is the tightest pussy I ever had. Is she a virgin?”

The other two guys were lying beside me and my girlfriend was by my side as well and she took my one breast into her mouth and sucked on it, and she said, “Today you are going to be my mommy.” At that moment I absolutely hated her and I wanted to scream at her, “No! Fuck you!” But I endured it because I didn’t want to make a big fuss.

The other two guys now came over to my face and took turns sticking their cocks inside my mouth.

At that moment, to be completely honest, I absolutely wanted to die. I hated the fact that I was reliving what reviled me the most all my life. I felt like I was being used and I was being raped.

But a few days later, I can’t deny that it felt incredibly good too. I can’t deny that it was good for me. It was like shock therapy to me. I became what I hated the most. The fact that I was forced to feel good while not being able to do anything about it … I don’t know … I can’t explain.

This wasn’t the first time she did this. Every other weekend, she invited guys she met to have sex with me. And this one time, when my girlfriend kicked her panties off and some guy got down on her and started eating her pussy, to my shock, I saw on her pussy mound she had a Chinese flag tattoo on it and I asked her, “When did you get a tattoo?” And she said, “A day ago” and winked. It turned out it was not a real tattoo but I was still alarmed about it because my parents hate China.

About a month into our experiment, when she was inviting guys to come over to fuck me, as a white guy was fucking me, he started calling me a chink, and somehow my girlfriend was even more offended that I was. I was secretly smiling inside me. I learned most white guys can’t even tell the difference between Asians, they can’t even tell the difference between Chinese and Japanese. So I played into it. I said, “Yes, fuck my chink pussy. Oh god. Fuck my chink pussy with your big white American cock.”

My girlfriend was watching on the side and she was visibly riled up by what was transpiring between us. I was never able to ever see that white guy again because she said he was a racist and she didn’t want him to be having my Asian pussy anymore, to punish him for being a racist. 

Another time, when he invited a different guy to come to our place to fuck me, after the guy fucked me, he wanted me and my girlfriend to perform for him where we kissed, rubbed our beasts against each other. Then as she was licking my pussy, I said, “Do you love the taste of my chink pussy?” and she shot an angry glare at me while I was smiling from ear to ear. I never felt so satisfied in my life as I did in that moment. This time, the white guy didn’t say anything but just smiled.

I feel very conflicted and I don’t know why I’m a lesbian, and after I became a lesbian, I don’t know I hate my girlfriend or love her, and I don’t understand how the dynamic between us has evolved into what it is today. I’ve always been submissive and she is obviously a domme, and I think she felt like forcing me to have sex with guys was a way to humiliate me, but today I think I’m ready to stop being a lesbian. I’ve been experimenting long enough now and I think I’m finally ready to become owned by a real man. A white American man who is not afraid to call me a chink.

I love this website precisely because of how flagrantly racist and anti-China it is, and I wish more white men will become like this. It’s been hard to find white guys who are not afraid of being openly racist to Asian girls though. That white guy who called me a chink has been forever disappeared from our lives. Sometimes I wonder if he has been disappeared by the Chinese secret police, as Tibetans who criticize the Chinese government frequently disappear without reason.

But I want to bring more racist white guys to fuck me in front of my Chinese girlfriend and call me a chink in front of her, because she seems to absolutely hate it. Even though after I do that, she punishes me by making me kneel in front of her and makes me lick her feet, it’s still all worth it in the end.

The above post is a guest contribution. Opinion expressed and views held are solely the submitter’s and may not be reflective of the Inferior Asian Editor Team.