Growing up, I’ve always liked white boys and I was always afraid to tell my Asian friends that I was only attracted to white men because the society around me didn’t accept me for who I was. So I had to shut myself down. I would fake my smile, I pretended to be friendly with other Asians. I even pretended to like Asian guys in front of my other Asian girlfriends. But deep down I always knew. I knew I belonged to white boys. 


It was taxing to be living to be who I was not and I was getting tired, tired of the mask I was wearing, tired of pretending, tired of showing up to the charade party of lies, falsehood, and skullduggery. 
What you are seeing right now is the real me, the most authentic version of me that I dare not reveal to the polite society around me, the public world, the world where I had to hide. 
And the more I pretended to be who I was not, the more I hated the people surrounding me, especially the Asian guys. They were always so annoying. They were almost always short, ugly, nerdy, and smelly and yet so cocky and dispeccably arrogant, overcompensating for their weakness. The fact that I was related to them made me sick. And when my Asian friends were not around, I always looked longingly at the tall, handsome white boys and my heart lusted for them, for their natural power and strength, their serene, calm, silent dominance and their ease in their superiority. 


Even though I was born Asian, I felt I belonged more with the white guys, and sometimes the sheer realization that I was Asian made me feel inferior. When I was not within white men, I fantasized what it would be like to be with them, how romantic and ruthless those white men would be to me, and eventually I came to meet and know many other Asian women who were going through the same experience as myself.


That was many years later. But in the interim, I started to learn that I was what was known as a race traitor among the Asian community. It was meant to be insulting to Asian women who date white men, but I learned to embrace the term. Like blacks who own the n-word, I don’t feel the least bothered when Asian guys call me a race traitor now. 


In fact, I’d say, I’m proud to be a race traitor. By betraying the inferior Asian race, I’m actively upgrading the inferior yellow gene pool. If anything, I think those Asian guys should thank me for improving their ugly race.