They say you can never forget about your first time, and it’s the same thing with me. And after that very first time, I’ve had many more, but the impression made to me then has been forever imprinted into my mind, my consciousness, and ever since then, whenever, or wherever, a stimulant–a particular taste, or a particular smell–can suddenly trigger that memory and I’m once again plunged into the blissful nostalgia of pain and pleasure.

I still vividly remember my very first white cock: it’s shape, its color, its smell, its taste, and the orgasms it has brought upon me, and every minute detail, every thought and every expression I had during its torment of me is playing inside my mind as if I were watching a movie, as my life flashes before my eyes. It were as if it had just happened yesterday.

At the time I just became divorced and I decided, for the first time ever in my life, to meet with a random guy that was not my husband.

I was determined to do this. I downloaded Tinder, matched with a young man in his 20s. He had a handsome smile and he seemed sociable and well mannered. After chatting for a few minutes I already decided that I wanted to fuck him. And the rest was about setting up the logistics: where to meet, when, what to bring. That took a few hours and we finally decided to meet by the hotel near where I lived.

My heart was pounding when I went there and my pussy was tingling. As soon as he showed up the smile on his face was exactly the same as it was in his pictures except that he was actually even taller than I had expected.. I honestly thought he was lying when he said he was only 5’11. Because he looked like he was over 6 feet tall.

And he had such a silver tongue. I mean he was suave. He talked about his hobbies, his job, his dreams, his travels, and as he talked, he started hugging me, and soon we were kissing. And it happened so naturally. He was such a good kisser. The fact he was so tall made me feel so tiny and I was swept off my feet like I was 18 years old again. My spring has arrived, I thought to myself. My soil is fertile and ready to be planted and seeded, and he had brought the plough and the pail to tiller me, furrow me, and water me.

He took me to our hotel room and started undressing me. He played with my nipples, massaged my feet, my legs, my thighs, and fingered my pussy. He licked all over me and he licked my pussy until I was on the edge of cumming. I have never felt so pampered and so loved before.

As soon as he was ready to penetrate me though, I started to notice a problem.

His cock was so much thicker and so much longer than anything I have ever experienced and as soon as just the tip of his cock entered me, I literally felt like I was being split in half. I was moaning and groaning. I told him that I felt like I was losing my virginity all over again and he just smiled and said, yeah he has had this problem before with other Asian women as well.

Soon the cock was half way inside me and already at the point I told him, I have never felt myself being so filled. I was panting. My tongue was sticking out. And my brain was getting frayed.

The penetration deepened. My eyes widened and guttural animal noises were coming deep from my throat. It was as if his cock had impaled me from my pussy, leaving all my entrails unharmed, all the way to my mouth. Electricity was running through my entire body: my tiny feet and hands were kicking and failing; my entire body was covered in a sheen of sweat. It honestly felt like I was like giving birth to my son all over again except he was not just being pushed out of me but he was now pushing back in as well and it kept going, push out, push in, again and again, again and again, until I was ready to swoon from the pain and the joy. The joy of life.

Those were the thoughts I had at the moment and I could never forget those thoughts. Those thoughts are my guardian angels that follow me royally, obediently, wherever I go.

I still distinctly remember, during the middle of this ordeal, for no apparent reason, I blurred out, “Is my pussy tighter than other Asian women you fucked?” The fact that he has fucked other Asian women than me made me feel jealous and it made me really want to pleasure him; I really wanted to prove to him that I was special, and so I gritted my teeth and trudged forward through the mist of pain and accepted as much of him as I possibly can. I bucked my hips and I slithered my sweat-covered body toward him and took of all of his cock inside me, grinding all the way down to the base until I felt his public hair against my pussy lips. And I nearly screamed out in pain as I did this.

And as he kept going, my orgasms started flowing through my entire body. I felt my soul was being pulled out of me and I was in heaven. The pain was still excruciating but so was the pleasure.”Oh my god, you are so big! Oh my god you are so big! Oh my god you are so big! Oh my god you are so big!” I chanted, like a praying nun in a cloister, as the fucking continued. 

And then it hit me. He was not stopping. He just kept going. I have already been hit with a dozen orgasms and yet he was still fucking me. He even started to fuck me in positions that I thought was never possible, like lifting me up in mid air, grabbing my legs and twisting my arms behind me, walking around the room, carrying me this way in front of the mirror on the hallway wall of the hotel, and then walking all the way to the window with no curtains as pedestrians on the street stared up at us.

My excruciating ordeal. My destroyer. My conqueror. Everyday since then I relive through what he had given me, but like a drug that has lessened its effect, I now need more excruciating pain, and more humiliating and more perverse sexual acts to get my fix.