I know, of course, I know, that this is against what the tolerant and accepting society wants me to be and I get hated–I’ve been getting hated all my life–for being this way but seriously I just can’t help myself … I haven’t been able to stop all my life.

Ever since I was 18 years old when I lost my virginity to this white guy who kept praising me for being asian, telling me how much he loves my tight Asian pussy, well, ever since then I’ve become addicted and my whole life up to now I’ve dated and had sex with nothing else but white guys.

It makes me cum so hard when white guys make me pretend to be stereotypical Asian whores, making me say stuffs like “me sucky sucky”, “me so horny, me luv you long time,” or put me in subservient positions like making me massage and worship their big white feet, or clean their houses naked like I’m some sort of an indentured servant, or showing me off naked to their friends and telling them that I’m a cheap Asian prostitute.

I’m addicted to white guys who are not afraid to be rough and cruel to me and I cummed so hard a few times when they called me “ch**k” during sex, especially considering that I’m not even Chinese. In general the less respect they have for me, the hornier I became and the more desperate.

I know other Asian people, especially Asian boys, consider me a disgrace but I just can’t stop.

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White Men satisfies me in a way that I have been trying to describe in words all my life:

The inexplicable pleasure when I’m having all my pussy, ass, and out all pumped full of white cocks, feeling their cum inside me, feeling multiple hard, throbbing white cocks fighting for space inside my body, feeling all their sperm swimming inside me; being covered, drenched in their semen … it was simply too incredible. The animal spirit inside me was set in motion when it happened; an intoxication, an excitation of the cerebral movements within the nether regions of my brain has been activated; it has inebriated and awakened me at the same time; and I wish this feeling could last forever.

Currently there are seven white guys who are using me. I have given them keys to my house. I tell them that they don’t need to call ahead and they can show up at my house at any time but they are always so polite and well-behaved that most will still call ahead to schedule. Just FYI I live in the suburb and one of the safest cities in America. The city itself if nearly 90% white so it’s extremely safe.

I prepare their visit by primping myself with extra makeup, perfume, and sexy lingerie like wearing crotchless panties, see-through bras that have little bells attached to the front, black stockings, high heels, etc. And there is always beer and food ready for them. I love feeding my boys with food so they can have an excess of energy to be spent.

My heart starts to race when I know they will be showing up soon. And when they are late, I get so worried. I’m scared they will never show up or that they will leave me, abandon me. And then when I finally see them, feel them, and touch them, all my emotions explode.

The white men I see only show up on weekends because some are still attending college and some are married and have work; some are living on campus and a few have families to go back to. I live in my ex-husband’s house which is 50 minutes away from the city. The distance both in time and space makes the longing that much stronger.

The first session usually happens on the front porch because I cannot wait to go into the bedroom. The suburban around my house is surrounded by trees and there is no nose-y neighbor to worry about. First come first serve. Whoever shows us first gets to fuck me. They are free to bring as many friends as they wish, and I never say no to big white cocks. I make sure my asshole is well lubricated for anal, and I have packs of condoms available, if they wish to use. I never ask. In addition I have all kinds of sex toys and equipment for them to use on me: dildos, fucking machine, vibrators, dog collars, hand cuffs. I love being nasty and degrading names and I try my best to act out all their sexual fantasies.

When they get tired of fucking me, they relax in the living room drinking beer, and I have a strip pole set up in the middle of the living room where I dance and entertain them with my stripteasing skills, which I have learned in my spare time. All lap dances are free of charge. I do my best to make the entire weekend as carefree and as pleasurable to all of them so they will want to keep coming back. Because those white men are young and virile, nearly all of them can go as many as six or seven rounds, and sometimes I have to tell them to stop to give me a break because I’m so much older and I simply can’t keep up with all those young men, but the mere fact that I’m having sex with them makes me feel young again and I feel like their semen are like the secret anti-aging drug that that the empress of China had once sought after for thousands of years.

But the feast has to end. When it was time for them to leave, I always felt sad and despondent. All week long I’m filled once again with longing, longing for the weekend, when my young lovers will show up again. I don’t feel complete until I see them, and the hope of seeing them again keeps the fire alive within me.

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Such then is the great novelty of the theories of Würzburg psychological school of thought that says that those thoughts and those images of the fragments of my life that appears to me like a river are … and to think that I’ve lived thus far and yet this obsession is still here. I have thought the fire may eventually be extinguished, but it has not. It has certainly become more steady, and the intensity has not lessened … I live to worship white cocks. I worship white cocks in order to live. Perhaps this will become my mantra onto life.