The night after my debauchery, I was trying to sleep and during the middle of the night I was frequently woken up. The images of my depravity kept floating through my mind and causing me to become horny again. It was so bad it was like a physical pain and I can’t resist my hand from touching my clit, which had been swollen and was begging for a rub. I touched my clit and then my finger moved downward to my vulva, and I couldn’t resist and I moved my finger inward and my finger felt wetness again. I brought my finger to my lips and I smelled my own pussy juice and all of a sudden I became full-on horny and I thought myself, “oh my god, all the sex I had been having have not been enough to quench my thirst …”

Since my divorce sleepless nights like those have been a common occurrence in my life. I have been lonely, horny, and at the age that I’m at, I know my biological clock is ticking. The inevitable doom of middle age, menopause, and the eventual drying up of my eggs, are all looming on the horizon. I won’t lie as I aged my breeding fetish also increased significantly. I can’t stop thinking about being bred, being made a mom again, becoming pregnant again and feeling the joy of life popping out of me. 

So what happened two previous nights was I knew college had started and man of the students have returned. I lived very close to a college. There were several local bars where the college students would be partying at night time and I put on my high heels, my miniskirt, and a backless crop halter top that made me look like a slut. Everyone who caught sight of me would know that I was begging for it.

But that was not enough for me that night. I also wore a collar around my neck and I wore no bra and no panties. My nipples were sticking out from under the fabric and it was clearly visible to anyone who bothered to stare. 

I ordered a drink to calm my nerves and the bar tender, who was a young blonde white girl, rolled her eyes at me, and I was used to it. For some reason I have often noticed that white women do not tend to be friendly with me.

Soon, my target audience have arrived. Throngs and throngs of young, college aged white men have arrived. They were moving in packs, and I knew they were prowling for their prey. And what make my heart jump even more was the throngs and throngs of hot, young, gorgeous white women that were also coming. I felt self conscious. I’m reminded of myself when I was 19 years old. I remembered the opportunities I had and I desperately wanted to be a 19 year old again, to be surrounded by men, to be the center of attention of all the men, because back then, that was what I was. I was the center of their attention, but not since my marriage. Not since my divorce, and now, at the age of 37, I know this is all coming to an end very soon. 

So I decided to be more aggressive. When a group of white guys came by me, I gently tapped on the arm of one of the guys and asked him if he knew what time it was. immediately he and his group of buddies surrounded me and started chatting up with me. “Why are you here by yourself?” 

“It’s getting late. Do you need a ride?”

“Are you a student here?”

“It’s cold out. You are underdressed. Do you need a jacket?”

“You look so sexy. Wanna go back to our place?”

As the conversation continued the talk became more and more sexual. One of the guys put a finger very close to my face and I didn’t waste the opportunity, I put his finger in my mouth and sucked on it like it was a cock. I admit I was drunk and I don’t think I would have had the courage to do what I did if I was sober. In the corner of my eye I saw that white girl bar tender roll her eyes at me again and I didn’t care. The heart wants what the heart wants. I’m too old to care about what other people think.

The guys were grinning at each other and pointing their fingers at me, at my collar, my boobs, my bare legs, and they became more touchy with me. “Is it cold here or what? is that why your tits are sticking out like that?” And he brushed the back of his hand against my boobs. 

Yes! I told him. Yes, I was cold. And I needed warmth. I needed a scolding hot cock inside me to warm me up. I don’t think I said that last part out loud but that was what I was thinking, and as the night dragged on, eventually they decided to hitch the place and go back to their rented house and I followed them home with them.

That was when my memory became more fragmented. 

They lived in a very old house that was within a walking distance to the campus, and I wore 4 inch high heels so it was very difficult for me to walk. I asked one of them if he would carry me and he did exactly. He put me over his shoulders like I was a wounded deer and he was a hunter and almost as soon as he put me over his shoulder, my pussy tingled and my thighs were clenching. My skirt was riding up my thighs and my bare ass was on display on the street and I said to myself, “Oh my god! This is finally happening. I’m going to get fucked tonight.” 

My heart was at my throat and I was clenching at my teeth because at that moment I felt an orgasm was already building inside my body and it was travelling through my nervous system and extending into every part of my body, my organs, my flesh, my skin, my mind. 

My mind was no longer under my own control at that moment. My mind was overheating and then my mind fryed. 

Once inside the house they fondled my tits, spanked my bare ass, and then I was forced on my knees and they took out their cocks for me to suck. After I sucked their cocks, I was pulled up and the guy in front of me carried me into his embrace and penetrated me from below. I felt like a baby being carried by my daddy, and then another guy from my behind aimed his cock into my ass. I was screaming, “oh my god, lube. please.” 

But he didn’t listen and just entered me raw, without any lube. It hurt in the beginning but after the first guy cummed inside my pussy, he used his cum as lube for my ass.

At some point after this I blacked out from all the orgasms I was having, and the next fragment of memory occurred where I was on a mattress, a bare mattress with no blankets or quilts or linning on it, like it was a scene from a rape scene. I was asking the guy is that your mattress and he said he just brought it a few days ago. 

Anyway, I was laying on the mattress, I had my hands trying to ker off two cocks, while another cock was pumping in and out of my throat and some guy was eating my pussy. Then the guy who was fucking my throat pushed all the way inward and camed down my throat. He came so hard and so forcefully all his cum ended up going directly into my stomach. 

At that point I also lost my track of time but I distinctly remember asking myself, where are you clothes and my purse? because I was laying completely naked on the mattress and even my heels were gone and I was butt naked. The only thing that I was still wearing was the collar around my neck and the earings in my ear lobes which was brushing against my neck as I moved. 

I panicked at that moment but as soon as I wanted to say something another cock was inside my mouth and another guy was now pumping into my pussy. I was being spitroasted. I was reminded of the rotisserie chicken that they sell at Walmart and I wondered if it’s what I have become, a piece of meat rotating on a spit being roasted. 

Eventually cum was overflowing out of my pussy and the guy who was fucking me was literally using other guy’s cum as lubes and instead of fucking my pussy, they were now fucking me in the ass, and I got cum in my eyes and I couldn’t see anything clearly anymore. It was like a blurry fog and that was where my memory broke again.

But it always comes up but in fragments. The memory was like a physical pain. I cannot stop thinking about it. But also it was not like a physical pain, because with a physical pain, I cannot always try not to focus on it. Instead, this, this mental anguish that I feel, is always there with me. The more I try to not think about it, the more it comes back. And sometimes, well, I don’t mind how my mind works, I kept on thinking what I looked like to the other guys as they all surrounded me and fucked me. I wondered if I looked as good as those porn stars that I see in the movies. And then all of a sudden I was filled with happy thoughts and an unending stream of horniness.

I wouldn’t mind if one of those young, hot college aged white guys became the new father of my baby, and I think I actually said that to them, and I don’t remember what they said in return. I honestly wouldn’t. I’ve been so desperate for love and happiness I feel ashamed of myself for being so slutty and so easy. I feel they wouldn’t respect me because I’m a slut. But this is what my heart wants. 

And when I stare at the empty house just now, the house which my exhusband had left me, bereft of any living human being, bereft of the warmth of those handsome white boys, I felt a sudden wrung of heart pang. I want to go back to those white guys and ask them to let me live with them. I will cook for them, clean their house, do their laundry and provide them with sex every night. I will be their maid, their mother, and and their sex toy.

I’m rambling now. I’ve been so lonely for so long, and sex with white men has been the only constant that has been fulfilling my heart what I ache for all those years. I only choose white men because they are usually safe, disease free, and gentle. It’s just my own sexual preference.