It felt weird, stressful, and anxious, to know that I am going to become old, knowing that I have never had children and that I was not going to be getting married anytime soon. I used to not think about sex at all, but for some strange reason, ever since I hit the age of 30, I have been thinking about sex non stop. I ached for the feeling of a cock inside me, punishing me, hurting me …

I need a cock inside me almost everyday. The various men I have been seeing are not always available. They have their lives, their jobs, and sometimes their wives and families, so I had to remain in contact with over dozens of different men. I tell my parents that I have to work overtime when in fact I went to the various different men’s apartments to suck their cocks.

My mind is a mess right now. I can’t even think straight as I type those words. Even though I work in a bank and I make 100k a year, I still live with my parents. I have never had a boyfriend. But I am not a virgin. This is the sad reality of being an asian girl.

I have had sex with only white men, to make no mistake about it. Some of them are wealthy bankers, some are professors, and some are doctors and engineers. I choose my partner very carefully, but none has been able to connect with me romantically.

I hate my life so much. I don’t know how long I can keep it this way. I want to cry but my eyes are dry. Sometimes I feel I might go crazy.

I hate my dad so much. He is a typical asian man, patriarchal, effeminate, and just plain stupid. Everyday he plays with his phone and watches Asian movies and listen to Asian music. I hate him so much. He ruined my life.

I need a white man to save me. I need a white man to destroy me. I need a white man to put this little chink whore in her place. My life can’t go on like this.