Category: my diary

A few weeks ago my white boyfriend with whom I have been with for the last three years had found out about a private bdsm gathering dedicated to “the humiliation of asian women by white gods”—that was the name of the gathering.  Even when I just heard the name of the gathering being mentioned my heart jumped to my throat, and my boyfriend was expecting to bring me to the event and induct me into this “new society”. The entire week I was restless, anxious, basically a nervous wreck.  I couldn’t sleep at night and I couldn’t concentrate on my work and when my clients talked to me I was absent minded.  As that Friday approached my heart was knocking at my rib cage nearly every second.  I was extremely scared and yet excited beyond the bounds of my endurance—I had always tried to build a facade of order and elegance to hide the sordid tides of my inner life, and to waylay against those secret cravings that I fain would rather never admit in public, the urge, the need, the burning desire to be dominated and humiliated, those sick and unhealthy desires of my sick mind, and now …. My futile struggle against myself. The powerful recurrence of tides within me sought out my own destruction, from without as from within like a thousand natural shocks that my flesh is heir to had thronged and jostled fiercely against my crumbling defense, drowning me again me and again in a sea of sorrow and unfulfilled longings and yet I never die. The shadow of my dreams cast over me as my ultimate humiliation date loomed close, when my real self would be exposed in front of the world

The he car ride was a seasick experience and as we were nearer our destination my flesh burned to appease those fierce longings that were ready to burst out of my chest. I cared little about anything else; my life—a tissue of subterfuge and falsehood without this final realization.  At that moment, beside the savage desires which I brooded on for days and nights nothing else mattered.

We went into a gated community and on the private lawn I witnessed the most eerie scene up to that point in my life.  There were over hundreds of people, all white men dressed in suits, and next to each white man were naked asian women kneeling by his side.  Whereas the white men all wore black suits and were of all shapes and form, some bald, some short, some old and ugly, some young and handsome, some fair haired and bespectacled, some big bellied and moustached; and the asian women, were all naked, young and slender, smiling and kneeling with grace. I felt ashamed and degraded just being there.  I am not a cheap asian whore like the rest of them.  I went to a prestigious college and worked in finance.  But to my white gods, I am just another cheap asian whore eager to be dominated by the master race, the white race of gods.

“We celebrate, in this hour, the founding of our new society. It was only yesteryear that we had our first meeting and yet in just one year we have gained over a thousand new members, world wide. The great conflagration within everyone’s heart had no where to see its exhaustion, so we rejoice once more at the recurrence of this happiest event of this long year’s passing and the commencement of the victory of this night.” A booming voice was overheard over the podium. He was a lanky old man with white hair and stooping shoulders. His face was wrinkled and the drooling skin dropped over the necktie he was wearing. Next to both sides of his were two young beautiful women, both asian, naked and bound in hemp rope, kneeling on the wooden platform, their hands behind their backs, their long silky hair up to heir naked shoulders.

“True, our victory is but trifling, and the day will remain in the ascendant yet a while, but its oppression is breaking, and its weltanschauung and value-judgements in tatters.  The night shall fall and a new beginning shall come—night’s victory shall be seen by all.”

As I had just stepped out of our car my boyfriend had violently stripped me out of my dress and pushed me down on my knees, like one drop of urine I merged with that sea of asian women kneeling and crawling on the grass lawn. “A new beginning.”—my flesh melt, thawed and resolved itself into a dew as I heard that phrase. The lanky old man was sanguine and cheerful and he yelled to us: “James!” That’s my boyfriend’s name. “Come over here.  I see you brought your girlfriend over.  Let her speak.”  He was referring to me.  I didn’t really think I was going to become the herald of a new beginning.  I was just kidding for god’s sake.  If I were not kneeling at that moment, I would have knelt down from the weakness of my knees anyway.

A transcript of I said at the second annual gathering: “asian woman will restore White man to his rightful in the world”

“I’m actually so embarrassed right now I am at loss for words.  I’m crying not because I am sad, please don’t misconstrue my tears.  I’m crying because I am happy, I am so happy that so many of us like minded people have finally gathered together to create our new society.  I never realized there were so many people who thought the same thoughts as I had thought and I couldn’t believe my eyes as all of you before me, sharing the same ideas that I did share so secretly for so long.  I couldn’t believe it. I am sorry if my thoughts are somewhat disjointed because I didn’t think I was going to speak in front of so many eyes. … Some might question why should asian women even be among white men, and much less to engage in discourse with white men or to become the girlfriends and wives of white men. What right do asian women dare to tell White men how to live? Despite my lily white skin, and large round eyes, I am just another inferior Japanese girl who ought to be denied of my own existence, sent to the Gestapo and exterminated just like a dirty Jewess.  I am not even worthy to be a slave to superior White men. After all, the descendants of Nordic conquerors have hitherto dominated over all human kind, from the Roman Empire to the British Empire to the American Empire, and there is no place for me to exist.  I am, moreover, just diluting the gene pool of the pure White race by seducing good honest White man to have genetically inferior babies with me, for by being his semen receptacle I have successfully mated with the most masculine and powerful man on earth, a White man, and my evil plan to destroy the White race has succeeded. But you are mistaken! For one thing, I am so ashamed to say it, but I feel white women have so utterly failed at their duties toward respecting, honoring and obeying their white men, that those white women, so utterly arrogant and obnoxious, would rather offer war where they ought to kneel for peace, and there therefore presents the opportunity for asian women to take over the duty truanted by white women. As an asian woman, I will always treat with white man as my lord, my life, my keeper, my sovereign and I will always be obedient and devoted in my service to my white man. As a Japanese woman, I find that the White race is the most superior race and the most masculine race, whose superiority and dominance is achieved through a genetic dominance as evidence through conquest and war. In my ideology, I see the west representing the masculine type: glorious, divine, supreme, victorious, dignified, strong, courageous, superior, unyielding; and whereas the east represent the feminine type: submissive, docile, obedient, passive, defeated, humiliated, weak, meek, timid, inferior, yielding; and it is the natural order that the feminine type should serve the masculine type; and I am flattered by my White boyfriend who chose to mate with me.  I, as my gratitude, show him my utter devotion to him, the devotion befitting a slave belonging to her master, and I am being completely subservient to him in every aspect of our relationship. I am willing to do anything to please him no matter how degrading and how painful it is to me; as long as he is pleased. But what I do is nothing so significant. What I do for my white man is merely what a woman ought to do to a man, as it has been done for the thousands of years until the 1960s, so in essence asian women are merely replacing white women who relinquished their natural roles.

“And secondly, some might argue that race mixing is wrong, and that asian women and white men will produce racially inferior children. Well, that is simply not true.. First of all, hitherto all noble races are the races of conquerors from the Germanic blond beasts of prey to the Scandinavian Vikings.  A man of a noble race was never a racial purist who stupors in his own community and inbreed with his own females. No. He goes out and conquers the inferiors races by murdering inferior weak men and raping inferior weak women.  A Spartan woman alone does not give birth to a real man, for all Spartan women were kidnapped from other nation states; she can only give birth to a real man by being impregnated by a real man, a Spartan man, a warrior and a conqueror.  There is no such a thing as a pure race.  All humans today are the descendants of conquerors and their slave women. And even if, let’s say, we were to breed a pure race, what would this race look like?  Well, it would be a race of inbreds, because as one becomes more “pure”, the gene pool shrinks, and there would be no genetic variation within this gene pool. …

“Some Americans look to Japan with a sort of nostalgia thinking that all Japanese are so pure in blood and so homogeneous in culture.  As a Japanese national, I can tell you that that is simply not true. It is said that the aboriginal Japanese were Germanic descendants who sailed to the Japanese seas some 200,000 years ago, and then there were those that came from China, Korea, and Taiwan.  So in essence the Japanese you see today are the mongrels of Whites, Chinese, Koreans, and Taiwanese.  We are anything but a pure breed.  I myself, for example, had a White grandmother, and Japanese father, and a Chinese mother.  (My grandmother was a German national born on a Dutch colony and my grandfather had throughout his life treated her as a White goddess, so much so that when he greeted her he bowed down to her and kissed her feet—even when she was old; on the other hand, because my mother was a woman of inferior race, my father constantly beat her and would treat her as a domesticated dog; even now I remember seeing my mother naked except for a collar and leash around her neck and being forced to crawl around our house, sometimes outside the house as well. I do not actually see anything immoral in my father’s treatment of my mother because that is the natural order of race, that men of the superior race should dominant and subjugate women of inferior race as it has been since the dawn of mankind. And since Japanese is the most superior asiatic race, Japan has the right to dominate over all other asian races, and but since all asian races are inferior to the White race, all asian races must submit to the white race.)  In general Japanese is much more assimilated into the West than any other asian people and we are also more White-looking as well and there are perhaps at least a quarter of million mixed children born of Japanese mother and White fathers in Japan.  I suppose that is why Japanese is considered superior to the other Asiatic people precisely because of our white genetics, and of course, if anything, Japanese are a pure race and no race is a pure race. Racial purity has never existed, has never worked, and will never work.

“What then? Do you think asian women will abolish the white race by making every children mixed with inferior asian genes? Nay, asian women are not here to abolish the white race, but to complete and preserve it. Today, we see more and more white men and asian women reuniting together, not to destroy the white race, but to preserve the great white race, but the white race will NOT be eliminated through race mixing. Of course not! White and asian as racial types will remain, just as white masters who once bred black slaves did not put an end to white and black racial types. The next generation of racially mixed children will still be divided among white and asian. Those who look white will be simply accepted as white and they will go on to reproduce and identify themselves as white; those who look asian will be asian and they will reproduce with other asian women; and if it’s a girl then she will always reproduce with a white man, no matter she looks white or asian; if it’s a boy, then, well, for me personally I will abort any asian boy, but if he is born, then if he looks white, and can pass as white, he will be white, but if he looks asian, then he can always go back to asia to find an asian woman to reproduce with. …

“I envision a world, a world in which white men will be enthroned to his rightful place in the world by submissive asian women everywhere—asian women who recognize, through enlightenment, their own natural roles as the auxiliary, facilitative utility for the most benevolent dominant race of men that god has created on earth, that is, white men, white gods. I envision a new world in which every asian woman must realize her destiny is to be the semen receptacle for white men, and all asian women must always kneel and prostrate before white men and all asian women must obey the commands of white men with absolute obedience. Today as I am kneeling on this wooden platform and I see already so many asian women who are similarly devoted to serving White men as I am, I feel so exuberant, so moved and I want to cry yet again, because I am so happy and proud of each and everyone of you. Though I know a lot of you actually hate me, because, let’s face it, asians hate each other, and asian women tend to hate one another even worse, but our hatred will give away to love and to a common purpose, and that purpose is to serve white men. In our inferiority we are exulted; in our infirmity we are strengthened, by white men. North East asian women in general are more white-looking compared to women of other races such as the Indians, Africans, and South East asians and in my very humble opinion, I think the North East Asiatic race makes a perfect beta race to complement the Alpha White race, as the servants and pleasure slaves for White men; but the ugly ones perhaps should be sterilized to prevent them from interbreeding with white men. … I had often dreamed of an utopia in which, since east asian men are in general feminine and submissive, they should be castrated and serve as eunuchs to White men, whereas asian women should be used for the sexual recreation of White men, and now our new world order is at hand. …

“North East asian women should never be White man’s enemy, but his most devoted admirer, and together we asian women and white men will be the champions of true equality.

“Asian woman will be the new keeper of White man’s civilization and we will together preserve, cherish, and worship this new religion, and from henceforward every white man shall be born a god, to be worshiped in asian women’s idolatry.  Sure, there are and will be enemies of our new found religion, (so much for the freedom of religion and the freedom to worship whomever we wish,) people will harangue, intimidate and try to silence our new religion, a religion in which White man shall by his natural rights reign supreme as the new deity, and where asian woman by her natural biological destiny serve as the most beloved subjugate of White man.  People will be angry at us, people will rage and people will try to stop us; people will say we are sick and deviant, but isn’t every new religion sick and deviant in the beginning?  Who crucified the Nazarene to that cross?  Were not those Pharisees still alive today but dressed in different shades and creeds?  We are discontent with our current utilitarian paradise, where, the current deity declares, all men and all women of all races are created equal.  We do not wish equality.  Neither do you.  We, all the asian women kneeling here today, recognize and realize we are inferior, inferior by our natural biological right as women of an inferior race, and not only that, but we are in debt to the superior white men who saved us from asian hell so that we could live in white men’s paradise, this great paradise god bestowed upon the white race and as natural as water flows from the mountains asian women shall serve white men as the most loyal and obedient subjugate. But there is trouble in our paradise. White men, for lack of better words, are the beautiful tyrants, the benevolent conquerors, the honorable tormentors, who ravished Asia not to destroy, but in order to save it, and shame on anyone who thinks that it was a crime for White man to have colonized all parts of the world, for he had the right to—he had the excess of power and dominance to; any other race would have WISHED that he could dominate the world as White man dominated, and as yet he is the most benevolent dominant this world has ever seen.  Prefer you to any other conqueror than a white conqueror and he would have burned and pillaged the world to ashes. But this world is so ungrateful, this world, this current world, created by the old deity, and who still speaks by the codes of the last millennium, and who still operates to the locutions of pre-French Revolutionary ideas that ultimately lead to chaos, death, and slavery, is not a friend to White man, and neither is this world’s laws created by this old Oriental deity; those laws are meant to restrain White man. White man is born, and everywhere he goes he is in chains. Everywhere a White man will face reverse-discrimination and be guilt-ed into doing what his hearts wish not to give consent.  How could any person of any race treat White men with such disdain: the discoverers of calculus and quantum mechanics, inventors of steam engine and printing press, builders of Hubble telescope and CERN accelerator and explorers of every sea and of every ocean tranche and of the infinite space, the men behind every known accomplishment in the world, the White gods?  But the hope of a new beginning is embedded into the founding of our society, in which asian women will restore you, my white god, to your throne, and we asian women will serve as your shield. We will deflect every accusation, every false homage, every brooding attack of the merciless knife.

“What has this world come to, when White man cannot defend against himself? That an asian woman must speak out for the preservation of the white gods?  That is why we are founding this society, and we asian women are the essential component to founding this society as much as the white men, that is the true equality—by accepting our inferiority we find true equality, true freedom, and the truest of truth—because we know we cannot let white men be burdened any further or else they would be driven into extinction by the current deity, that old Oriental deity who shed his old linen garment and disguised into secular progressive socialism—we know his name but we utter his name not—who want to make everyone equal, who want to make everyone happy by making everyone unhappy. Inventor of Communism is another one from this same tribe, and Communism has not worked and will never work, and yet the current deity wants to give us Communism.  No.  We don’t your Communism.  No chinese woman wants your Communism.  No asian woman wants your Communism. We know we are inferior to white men whom we worship, and we out of our own volition prostrate before our white gods and worship them. It is right, it is natural, it is beautiful, it is the true content of true freedom, true equality, true justice, the true biological-racial truth.

“So to the current deity we say, we don’t want your equality.  We don’t want your Communism.  Yet when you give us freedom and free choice and when we exercise that free choice and to choose to be slaves to white men, you chastise us, and you insult us for our choice.  You want to make us out to be victims, and blame the white men.  No, no, no. It is not White man’s fault.  Let it be our fault, asian women’s fault, it is our choice, our freedom that we submit to the white men, and it is what we see as natural and benevolent.  It is our new religion.  So let us commence, let our white gods humiliate us, torment us, O the happy torment, degrade us, not because we are the victims, but because we enjoy it, rape us, by the most romantic rape, ravish us, by the most divine ravish, the wasting fire of lust within me can no longer be restrained.  I am trembling as I speak those words, as my eyes grow dim and as a shard of glass stabs my heart.  So my white gods, I beg you, let the dawn of our new society begin, let “the humiliation of asian women by white gods” begin now, at the onset of this night.”

In the next few months, thanks to my boyfriend and members of the society, I had met many white men-asian women couples similar me and my boyfriend and I had started the earnest effort to collect all the stories and writings sent to me by various different authors, mostly and mainly of submissive asian women who share the same belief and some of whom are now the happy members of our new found society, and they all hail from such such different backgrounds and whose life stories yet I was both pleased and quiet stunned to find out were so similar to mine own, and some of those were so intense that I was reduced to tears after reading them, and in culling all those writings together with my own I want to, not just disseminate them among ourselves but also, to bring our experiences to more white men-asian women couples out there and I hope our stories will shed a new light to this world, illuminate our ideas, let more people become aware of our new society, our new religion, and moreover—so many asian women today are still being coerced, on a daily basis, into the tight foot binding traditional minded asian patriarchy that still controls and oppresses them and forces them to choose lives that they do not want to live and pressures them and shames them to choose sexual mates that they are neither attracted to nor want to be with—demystify whie men-asian women couples as exotic, un-shame that shame that we so long bear and unburden ourselves, and, once and for all, let it be known—free asian women from that oriental bondage; free asian women from asian men’s sexual oppression and let asian women choose whom they really want to have be with—let it be known that it is glorious for asian women date white men, it is glorious to worship white men and it is natural and even dignified to be the white men’s semen receptacle. Let the beam of a star shine through this loathsome world, let the world be pregnant with this new god.

To read more of PART II of my book