Asian Sex Slave Mother Susan Lin Chapter 2

This is the story about a beautiful young Asian mother trained by her two White step sons to become their sex slave.


Susan Lin, still spread-eagled, looked at her gorgeous, blonde haired, white step sons. They sat on the floor, looking at her, their aryan white cocks dangling between their legs. She felt dried cum juice still running down her thighs, and her cunt seemed to keep on pulsating. She had never cummed like this before in her entire life. As matter of fact, she never even had an orgasm during sex with her husband or any other man before. The only times that she had ever cummed was when she masturbated herself, even then it was only rarely that she achieved orgasm. She didn’t know what was happening to her. Susan Lin was so confused. Her mind was in turmoil. She ought to be mad at her white step sons, but she seemed still in a state of shock and didn’t know what to do. The ropes were cutting into her wrists and making her hands numb. Her brain seemed to be numb as well.

Untie me now, please?” She said quietly.

You won’t punish us, Mom?” Tommy asked.

No, I promise.” She whispered.

Mark and Tommy got to their feet and began to untie their mother.

Every inch of her sexy creamy nude body seemed to blush when she walked nakedly from the garage, feeling her white sons’ lustful eyes on her bouncing chink ass cheeks. Just before she stepped into the house with the garage door closing behind her, she heard Mark called out to her. “Hey, gook whore, we gonna play this game with you again soon!“

Susan soaked in the bathtub. Her mind was spinning with what had just happened to her in the garage. After she was released from her bondage, still in a bewildered state of mind she had stood before her white step sons without trying to conceal her totally naked body. She felt as if they had degraded her, cum juice running down her thighs, her gook cunt quivering and feeling as if those fingers were still jabbing into her vagina. She went straight to the bathroom and ran a tub of very hot water, hoping it would wash away her shame.

Her white step son Mark’s last words: “Hey chink whore, we gonna play this game with you again soon!” kept echoing through her mind. She knew her two white step sons will do these lewd acts with her again and she was totally powerless to stop it. She should report them to the proper authorities, but they might send her sons to jail and worst, how could she explain to their dad when he came back from Iraq! He will have murdered that treacherous chink bitch who betrayed his aryan white sons! She loved her white step sons as much as she loved her husband. They are the men of the superior race and they deserve to do what they think she deserved. They are White Gods. And she adored them. She could not bear to be apart from her beloved white sons no matter what they did to her.

Something was very wrong here, she thought. There was unwanted excitement still stewing deep within her lovely body, and she couldn’t think of anything else except being tied up so lewdly with her white son’s fingers fucking her. It was burned into her brain, the feeling still between her legs. She had never come that way before in her entire life. In fact, she had seldom experienced an orgasm, even when she had fondled and masturbated herself.

She climbed from the tub, rubbing her smooth and silky body dry with a huge towel, and wrapped the towel about her body and walked into the hall. She saw her two virile white young Aryan gods in the hallway. Tommy and Mark looked at their lovely Asian mother, grinning lustfully. She stopped abruptly when she saw them, hugging the towel tightly around her body. She trembled slightly as a flush crept over her beautiful face. She felt very vulnerable inside. Her vulnerability made her that much more sexy, beautiful and appealing to her white god-sons.

You’re naked under that towel ain’t you, chink?” Mark asked, his eyes burning with lewdness.

She nodded, biting at her slightly trembling sexy bottom lip. They knew, she thought frantically. They knew what she was feeling inside her. Tommy giggled, and jerked the towel away from his gook step mother. Once again Susan Lin was exposed to her two white step sons in glorious total nudity. Her creamy flawless glistening skin clean and fresh still damp from her hot bath. She tried to cover her Asian pussy with one hand, and her quivering creamy large breasts with the other. She was trembling while crouching down.

Aha… come on,” Mark taunted. “We already saw it all, chink. Don’t be bashful now.”

As if in a dream, Susan Lin felt her white step sons took her arms and she went passively with them back to the garage. She was totally naked and stood very still as they tied her hands to pulleys attached to the ceiling. Next, her delicate ankles were tied, and then Tommy began pulling on the rope attached to her legs.

Her shapely legs started to lift off the floor, and soon she was swinging by her feet and hands as her whole body was lifted three feet above the floor. Her dark silky hair hanging down almost to the floor. She was hogtied with her hands and feet pointing upward and almost touching each other.

You knew what we’re gonna do with you, Mom?” Tommy said, twisting her Asian nipple hard enough to make his mother gasp. “We’re gonna fuck you.”

No! You can’t do that!” Susan Lin said, her eyes full with shame and outrage. “I’m your mother! You can’t do that to your mother!”

You are not our real mother, gook! You are a fucking gook pig my dad picked up in China.” Mark said. He was looking at the way his Asian mother’s cunt was bulging between her creamy thighs. “Just watch. I’m gonna stick my Aryan cock in your beautiful chink cunt and fuck you good, you dirty Asian whore. There ain’t anything you can do about it.”

I’m gone fuck you too, Mommy.” Susan’s younger white son Tommy said as he was leaning down and biting hard on one of his mother’s throbbing and extended nipples, making her scream in pain. “We’re both gonna fuck you, just like how our father fucked you. We are both white.  We deserve to fuck a chink like you.”

Mark… Tommy, please listen to mother, you know this is wrong.” Susan pleaded, knowing it would do her no good. ” You’re not supposed to have sex with… your own mother, even if I were not your biological mother. It’s wrong.“

She felt Mark rubbing the head of his cock up and down the slit of her cunt. There was an immediate response, and she felt her cunt twitch, getting wet quickly. She began to cry with shame, not wanting this, yet knowing that she did.

In a last minute attempt to stop the sins against nature, she looked at her oldest white son with huge tear drops falling out of her big beautiful baby brown eyes and pleaded again with him that she thought was the most powerful argument for Mark to stop what he was about to do.

“Please stop Mark. You can’t fuck me! I’m not on the pills, or anything else, you may get me pregnant!”

Instead of stopping her white son-god from fucking and impregnating her, her pleas only increased Mark’s excitement and made him even more eager with determination to fuck his beautiful young Asian mother. That fucking his chink mother might result her getting pregnant had never entered Mark’s mind until now, however the thought of making a cute Eurasian baby in his own beautiful Asian mother’s belly made his white cock became even harder than ever.

She felt Mark’s white cock head pressed against the entrance of her chink vagina, and she gasped when he suddenly rammed his penis all the way in. Her eyes buffed out and a hiss came from her lips. She couldn’t believe what was happening, her white step son really was actually raping her!

Mark cupped his chink mother’s hanging ass cheeks and began to fuck her. Each thrust made her swing back and forth. She felt his cock going deep, almost penetrating her cervix into her womb. The friction between her suddenly fiery cunt lips sending sparks of erotic pleasure through her naked chink flesh.

She felt his cock throbbing deep inside her gook cunt, the tip of his penis touching her cervix and to her horror, she came. Tommy was pinching her sensitive tits brutally hard as his older brother fucked her, and Susan Lin cried out with a strange, pleasure-pain. She could feel Tommy’s cock brushing along her side leaving a searing wet trail of pre-cum. The situation was quite unreal to the beautiful young Asian mother. Her white step son Mark was raping her cunt while her other white step son Tommy was abusing her breasts. She should have been outraged and fighting mad, instead she was loving every minute of it. Her cunt closed tightly about Mark’s cock of Germanic conquest, and she had never felt her pussy do that before. It seemed as if her gook cunt wanted her step son’s white cock of dominance, wanted to pull it deeper into her body, into the center of inferior chink womanhood, her birth chamber of the defeated East, her womb of chink; into the place so she can give birth to pure white babies just like Mark and Tommy.

She began to moan. “She likes it!“ Mark said, wrapping his arms about his mother’ silky smooth thighs and jerking her cunt onto his cock. He was pushing and pulling her, making her cunt ride back and forth on his white cock.

“Chink whore loves my thick white cock up her fucking cunt. Look, I’m making her fuck me!” Mark exclaimed!

When Tommy moved around to watch, she felt her shame burn even deeper. It was humiliating to have anyone, and especially her own step sons watch her cunt moving back and forth on his older brother’s hard cock. But she could not deny how good it was starting to feel. She began to gasp and pant, enjoying the long hardness of her white son’s cock fucking her.

I don’t want this! You’re raping your own mother!” She shouted out partly because she was outraged to be sexually abused by her white sons but mainly she was desperately trying to deny what her body was reacting to the raping by her white sons.

I don’t want to be tied up and used this way! Stop it. Mark, take it out of me now!”

A stinging slap across one of her tits shut her up quickly and made her creamy breasts bounced up and down on her chest erotically.

You don’t have anything to say about it, gook whore. And stop pretending to be our mom, for god’s sake. You are not really our mom. We are white, you are Asian. How can you be our mom.” Tommy said, digging his hands into his chink mother’s large creamy breasts, making her cry out with pain again.

Susan Lin began to cry. She didn’t know if she were crying because of the pain in her tits or if it were because she was experiencing something which she had never felt before. Something seemed to snap inside her mind. She wanted to be treated so shamefully. She especially wanted her white sons to degrade and humiliate her and for them to do anything they wanted with her. It would make her very ashamed, yet that very shame was part of her desire and pleasure. She was enjoying the way Mark was fucking her cunt, she wondered if she were losing her mind. It seemed so deprived to want her own white step sons to fuck her. Yet, She really wanted it! Her virile white step son’s cock felt so good in her gook pussy. She couldn’t admit to herself yet that she could never do without it anymore. She began to groan softly with pleasure.

Mark, hugging his chink mother’s thighs with his arms, was thrusting his aryan cock of dominance into her Asian cunt faster and faster. Tommy was pulling and twisting her nipples painfully, and Susan Lin was coming again. Her cunt gripped Mark’s cock very hard, squeezing it as she came.

More!” She heard herself moan. “More, please!”

More what, chink whore!” Tommy asked stretching his chink mother’s nipples as far as he could.

White cock!” She shouted.

Mark laughed as he rammed his white cock hard into his chink mother’s tight cunt.

Tell me how much you want it, chink,” he grunted ramming powerfully into her pussy, his balls beating at her swinging ass cheeks.

I don’ want to say it… ohhhh, give it to me! ” She wailed. “Please don’t make this chink mother say those things. Mark I’m so ashamed … I can’t say those words … Oh, fuck your chink mother hard Mark, please!”

The pain in her nipples was forgotten, replaced by the most exquisite feelings in her cunt that Susan Lin had ever felt. She was coming in wild, fiery bursts, and there were tears of ecstasy in her eyes.

Fuck me … Fuck me … Fuck my chink cunt!” She moaned. “Oh, give me your gorgeous white cock!”

She couldn’t believe she was saying those things. Her body being swung back and forth by the powerful thrusts of her white step son’s cock and she was urging him to fuck her faster and harder.

Suddenly, sanity returned to her. What was she saying? She didn’t want her white step son to rape her, just think of the consequences! How does she explain to her husband when he comes back! She suppressed the feeling in her gook pussy and pleaded with her step son weakly.

Mark, please take you cock out of mother now before its too late! You mustn’t come in me! This is my most fertile period of the month, if you ejaculate your sperm into mother’s cunt now, there is a very good chance that you might make me pregnant. I don’t want to be pregnant and especially not by my step son! Mark, you are not even suppose to fuck your own mother let alone make your own mother pregnant!”

You are not my real mother gook! My mother is a White woman!”

Her plea seemed to have fallen in deaf ears. She thought that by telling her white step son that this was the most fertile period of the month for her to have sex—although it happened to be the truth anyway—would surely convince her white step son, but instead of stopping him from fucking and coming in her cunt, it only made him even more energized. Mark redoubled his effort to spill his potent life giving white seed into the chink mother’s fertile womb.

Mark plunged deeper and deeper into the chink mother’s birth canal until the very tip of his penis penetrated her cervix opening. His entire dome-shaped cock head entered her womb, the center of her chink womanhood. Mark could not hold off any longer, the chink mother was yelling, and screaming as she came repeatedly, she cunt was bathing his penis with her creamy feminine cunt juice. The scalding way his mother’s cunt was squeezing his cock, his balls growing tight at the base of his cock, made him start to pump his cum in her womb in huge quantity. Susan Lin, once a proud Asian woman, feeling her white step son’s baby-making sperm splashing into her womb and coating the wall of her uterus, realizing that she was becoming her white step son’s sex slave, screamed out loud with lewd ecstasy.

Mark gave a very strong push and his piss hole opened wide to eject a final gush into the chink mother’s birth chamber, filling her entire womb completely and deposited millions upon millions of his life giving and baby-making white sperm cells in it. Susan Lin’s cunt was over flowing with his semen and her own vaginal secretions. When Mark pulled his cock out of her cunt, she moaned, feeling her white step son’s sperm and her female honey seeping out of her vagina and running along the crack of her naked ass crack. It seemed to burn the pucker of her star-shaped rosy asshole, and she shivered and came again! Her cunt was leaking out huge amount of their combined sex fluids.

She felt shameful as her white step sons examined her chink cunt and ass, watching the sperm and cunt juice seeping from her gook cunt lips. She felt Mark’s finger in her vagina thrusting and then he was shoving it toward her face. She clamped her lips tightly, and Mark smeared his cum-wet finger on her lips. When he saw her stick her tongue out to run along her cum juice coated lips, he laughed aloud. Even as Susan Lin’s beautiful Chinese moon face turns to a dark shape of pink in shame, she enjoyed the combined taste of her white step son’s sperm and her own cunt juice.

Let me down now,” she whimpered. “Please, don’t make mother more ashamed of myself than I already am.“

Stop calling yourself our mother. You are our chink now!”

Her white step sons let her down on her feet but didn’t untie her hands. They shoved her to her knees, looped another rope around her shins and tied it to her neck. Shoving her back on the floor, they pulled her knees to her tits, tying the rope securely. She couldn’t straighten her legs now. She felt so exposed to them; her cunt lips were bulging from between her creamy thighs. The cheeks of her ass were parting, and she felt her asshole puckered as they turned her onto her knees and head. Her smooth round ass sticking in the air now and she couldn’t see her tormentors, but she could feel their hands as they stroke her spreading ass cheeks. Hands ran up and down the backs of her smooth thighs, cupping her cunt and then her ass cheek. She felt so humiliated and ashamed, she knew they could see her rosy star-shaped asshole clearly, an Asian woman’s most secrete and private possession.

“You can have chink’s pussy now, Tommy.” She heard Mark say. “Chink’s got a fantastic pussy, you won’t ever feel anything wrapped around you cock as hot and tight as her cunt. No wonder our father got an Asian woman. Asian women sure are the tightest.”

“Not you too, Tommy! My baby, you are a good boy, you don’t want to—aaah—fuck Mommy, do you?”

I’m a big boy! Of course I want to fuck you Mom!” Tommy protested.

No, chink. She is not our mother anymore. She is our chink.” Mark corrected him.

Susan Lin felt her cunt getting hot and wet again, and she knew to her horror, that she was anticipating her younger step son’s cock plunging into her cunt. She shivered, causing her ass to wiggle lewdly. The thought that she might be getting pregnant by her own step sons may be all but forgotten in the midst of her own sexual excitement.

Tommy went to his knees behind his mother’s ass. She felt hands moved along her smooth back, over her ass, cupping the creamy firm cheeks. She knew it was Mark’s hands. He parted the cheeks of his chink’s ass cheeks wide open, and she felt heat on her face because her asshole, now ever so slightly open before, had been totally exposed and gloriously displayed under her white step sons’ watchful eyes. Her beautiful face turned red. She could not help the involuntary pucker of it when she felt a finger probe the sensitive ring for a moment. Mark’s hand slipped further down and now her cunt was pulled wide open.

Stick your cock up her fucking cunt, Tommy, go on and fuck this chink.” Mark encouraged his brother.

Knowing protest would do her no good, she held her breath, prepared to be raped again, this time by her own younger white step son. Rage was growing inside her once again, they were horrible boys, using their own Asian mother this way, tying her helplessly, and performing lewd acts on her.

Tommy’s cock lunged inward. His penis went into his Asian mother’s cunt fast and deep, spreading the lips with a suddenness that startled her. She had been expecting it; of course yet she was surprised that his cock could be this thick and long. It went into her cunt so far, she thought the swollen head was actually touching her cervix as well just like his older brother cock did a moment ago. He smashed against her clit and the lower part of his hairy stomach smacked against the cheeks of her smooth rounded, upraised ass.

Hey, chink cunt sure is hot and tight!” Tommy groaned, “Oh shit, it’s fantastic!”

Susan Lin’s cunt was betraying her once again! It clasped tightly about Tommy’s cock as he started to fuck her. The tightness of her chink cunt created an intense friction, and she began to moan as Tommy banged into his gook mother’s pussy faster. She saw Mark standing off to one side, watching as his younger brother fuck her. There was a gleam in his eyes that terrified and excited her at the same time. She knew this would not be the last time they raped and abused her body. She also knew she was losing her will to fight against it. Tommy was grunting as his cock rammed smoothly in and out of her chink cunt. She moaned, but now it was with pleasure again. Their white cocks excited her beyond beliefs. Her uplifted ass twisted sexily from side to side moving on its own volition. Her cunt was stretching about Tommy’s cock, sucking it into her as he plunged with vigorous strokes. She felt his hands clawing at her hips, jerking her ass checks back against his stomach. His balls swung back and forth, beating against her clit. He held her ass cheeks wide apart, and she could feel his flesh against her tender asshole with each forward stab of his cock. She realized her cunt becoming hotter and wetter around his whites cock. She was quickly approaching orgasm again. She tried to will her cunt to be calm, not to cum, not to let them know they could make her cum so often and so easily in this vile, tortuous manner. Nevertheless, her chink cunt refused to obey her mind and she came again. She screamed as she came repeatedly unable to choke back the ecstasy of it. Her cunt rippled in fiery waves along Tommy’s cock as her whole body was convulsing strongly. Her entire sexy nude body shivered and twisted continuously.

She knew Tommy was about to cum in her cunt, but she didn’t care any more except her own orgasm. The deed was done anyway. Her cunt was already filled up with her oldest white step son’s sperm. Yet the thought that she might be impregnated by her younger white step son sent her over the top. Susan’s cunt contracted violently and she came again.

Tommy pushed his cock into his Asian mother’s gripping cunt, lifting his head back and starts to groan as his balls tightened. “ I’m gonna come!” He yelped.

Don’t you dare come in chink’s cunt Tommy!”

Mark started to pull his brother’s cock out of the chink’s vagina. When Tommy’s cock sprung free of her cunt, his prick started to spurt his come juice all over her creamy ass cheeks. Susan Lin felt her ass cheeks covered with the thick juices of her white step son’s balls.

Why the hell you didn’t let me come in chink’s pussy!” Tommy yelped at his brother, fighting mad.

I’m the oldest, so I get to be the first to impregnate our chink.” Mark explained. “I want to be sure it’s my baby that our chink mother will be carrying in her belly the first time. You can plant a baby in her the next time,” Mark added.

But I want to come in our chink!” Tommy complained.

Sure you can come in our chink Tommy, you can come in her month and her lovely little rosy butthole,” reassured Mark. “However, you can only fuck her pussy, but you can’t come in her until I make her pregnant, understand?“

“OK, but next baby chink’s having better be mine,” Tommy consented reluctantly after a little while.

Let’s shake on it! From now on we shall take terms making babies in our lovely chink mother’s belly.” Mark said as the brothers shook hands in agreement regarding to the breeding of their Asian step mother.

After her orgasms died down, rage started to grow again inside Susan Lin. Her white step sons talked about her as if she wasn’t even there. She, a proud and independent Asian woman, hogtied hands over feet, and stark-naked on her own garage floor, by her two white step sons! Her ass and cunt exposed obscenely, her ass cheeks covered with drying cum and her cunt, still full of her oldest white step son’s sperm mixed with her cunt juice, was leaking slowly down her thighs. Both of them not only raped her, but now they were talking about raping her mouth and asshole too, using their Asian step mother’s sexy feminine openings as receptacles for their potent white sperm. When she heard that they were even going breed her by take terms making babies with her, one part of her mind was screaming and disgusted that her white step sons not only wanted to make her their sex slave but also their breeding slave as well. But the erotic and submissive side of her Chinese nature was accepting the whole thing. Susan Lin could not lie to herself any longer that she loved being raped by her two white step sons now. It might be rape in the beginning or maybe not. Susan had more orgasm during her raping by her white step sons than her entire life combined. She didn’t think she could ever live without this raping by her own white step sons from now on. The thought that at this very moment she might already be impregnated by her own white step son sent shivers down her spine and Susan Lin came again and again.

Mark needn’t have to worry about his younger brother got their chink mother pregnant before he did. Swarms of Mark’s wriggling tadpole-like sperm cells were at this very moment reaching and attaching to his chink mother’s egg. A pair of his sperm cells have both successfully penetrated and expelled their entire content of genes into her egg and preceded to fertilized it simultaneously. This pair of sperm cells thus successfully locked out millions of other sperm cells that Mark had ejaculated just a few moments ago into the chink’s womb. It would be almost one month later before Susan Lin even found out for sure herself that she was indeed pregnant. Nevertheless, from this moment on, for all intend and purpose, Susan Lin, a beautiful thirty-two year old young Asian mother of two white step sons, was well and truly impregnated by one of her white step sons.







Author: jennifer suzuki

I have been a very confused—some might say very conflicted—girl ever since I can remember and I have always lived in a fantasy world of my own making. I was born in Japan, my mother is Chinese and my father is Japanese, and my father's mother or my grandmother was German Dutch, and I came to the United States as a teenager and lived and went to school in Maryland, and worked in New York. I lived in fantasy worlds since I was a teenager and I have always done so, sometimes so deep in my own fantasy I forgot my own identity. I no longer knew who I am. Physically I look more European than asian. My father is of mixed heritage—he has white blond hair, but he also has some distinctly Japanese features. On the other hand my features mostly resembled my grandmother, who was a full blooded European woman. Which was not something that really bothered me. Actually most modern Japanese look very European compared to the rest of asians. My father was a sadist, and my mother, on the other hand, was, in my opinion, a masochist with no self respect. Growing up, seeing my father beating my mother was almost as frequent as having dinner, and when not beating her, she was constantly being humiliated and degraded, like having to serve dinner to him naked on her knees or being tied to an utility pole only in her panties during the winter. At first I believed my mother was a victim, a unfortunate human being in the hands of a cruel evil man, but as I grew older I realized that it was my mother who enjoyed being treated this way. The initial realization made me feel she was a disgusting, perverted, sick person, but as I grew older I began to have the almost identical sexual fantasies that my mother lived and experienced through. I began to think that my mother was the luckiest woman on earth since apparently she had found a man who understood her desires and could give them to her. My dad studied and worked in America before, and during that period he desperately wanted to marry a white woman, and vehemently pursued several white women, but was unsuccessful. At the same time Japanese women were unwilling to marry him. Maybe because just like him they were looking to marry into the white race, or maybe because he had sadistic tendencies. Out of options he settled to look for a Chinese woman. Statistically, marriages between Chinese women and Japanese men have been quite common, and I personally knew quite a few couples just like my mother and father. Even here in America I knew several Chinese women who had Japanese boyfriends and those women were actually quite proud of having superior Japanese men as boyfriends. Japanese in general look much more European compared to other asians and I suspect it was the putative European appearance that attracts other asian women. Of course Japanese are not Europeans, no matter how much we try to become European, just as Jews will never be fully accepted as White Christians. I think Jews and Japanese have a lot in common. We were both persecuted by Europeans, the Jews by Germans, and Japanese by Americans, yet we both come to love our white Masters. Jews weren't officially considered white until very recently, and I think as time progresses eventually Japanese will be categorized as white in the future, though Jews and Japanese will always know that they are still inferior to their Nordic Masters. But as always the Jews will be Masters over the Arabs and the Japanese will be Masters over the rest of Asia. There is no other meaning to life, other than the degree of domination. I had an older sister who looked fully asian, as opposed to me who looked much more European. And ever since childhood I have always known for a fact that I was treated better by everyone else because of my distinctly European appearance. In school classmates would be hesitant to tease me because they always thought my father might be an American or an European man even though they knew my mother was Chinese but somehow they still were afraid of me solely because of my European appearance. The thing was that in Japanese naming system, my mother's last name automatically gets attached to mine, so for example, my name in Japanese would actually be "Suzuki Liu Jennifer", because my mother's maiden name is Liu; this way everyone would instantly know my mother is Chinese. On the other hand my sister was bullied almost everyday by upper classmates because she looked very Chinese. They made fun of her hair and clothes and told her that she looked like a Chinese pig and I had seen boys pulling down her pants and laughing at her for having a "Chinese vagina". I was a very young girl back then and I felt ashamed of having her as a sister so in school I didn't talk to her at all. When I was 12 years old, she committed suicide by hanging herself in her closet. I know this because I was the one who discovered her body. My parents would have never told me about her death if I did not saw her dead body by myself. And ever since her death a dark cloud formed over my head and throughout my teenager years I was constantly harrowed by thoughts of suicide. It was not until I was much older that I learned suicide is infectious and that had been why I was constantly thinking about suicide. The realization made me try not to think too much about death, but no matter how much I try I can never get her image out of my head. Sometimes I feel she still haunts me because I didn't talk to her in school. My parents divorced when I was 14 and I went to live with my mom in China for two years. Contrary to popular beliefs, I had never experienced any form of racism or discrimination against me when I was living in China. Most people assumed that I was an European girl and the aura of being European seemed to make me inapproachable, like the shield of Athena covering me from head to toe. Even when I was in school, when classmates would know my father was Japanese because of my last name, I had never really felt any discrimination, though I did feel they were kind of afraid of me. I had never realized how much being White meant until I was in America: the symbol of power, domination, and superiority that being White implies. Being White is being the entelechy of all that is beautiful, good and righteous. Which is strange because my nationality still is, in actuality, Japanese and as I grew older I started to look more asian. My hair has gotten completely dark and my looks started to resemble my mother's. I used to have very light-colored hair, but I just felt fortunate that I do not look fully asian like my sister was. When I saw this image [of a naked asian woman kneeling next to a black furred dog] in a Japanese SM magazine a few days ago, all of a sudden I remembered seeing my mother in a similar position when I was maybe just 5 or 6 years old. It was not a pleasant experience; it was an extremely scary and traumatic experience, and growing up I heard constant moaning and muffled screams coming from my parents' bedroom. Every evening was a nightmare to fall asleep. But knowing that many asian women were treated the same way as my mother had been treated somehow made me feel better about my own family. At least my parents were not as weird as they seemed, and while growing up I had gradually come to realize that many asian girls have the same masochistic tendencies as I do, but many were just very shy and wouldn't admit their secrets. So it seems there are many masochistic asian women out there who thrives on been humiliated and degraded just like the girl in this image; I don't know why but this image made me feel kind of normal. I have lived in the States for nearly ten years now and I have not talked to my parents, who had divorced, for several years, especially to my mother whom I had some very severe arguments with over the years, especially when she remarried after she went back to China. I was more fond of my father though I haven't really talked to him that much either because he too had remarried. Despite all the mean things I had said about my dad, he was always very gentle with me and never beat me. He beat my sister and my mother but never me and I suspect he was much more gentle with me because of my more European looks. I felt their divorce was a punishment for me, as if they had abandoned me and I never felt comfortable with either of them or their new spouses, whether it be in China or in Japan. My mother's new husband was a very cruel and domineering white man living in China and he never treated me with the same special treatment I received from my dad. And I remember one time when I went out with him people on the street mistook me for his wife and I felt so disgusted I never wanted to go out with him again and then he would yell at me and yell at my mom. I am glad to have gotten out of there. And my dad ... well let's just say I couldn't bear to coexist with his new wife either. The last time we talked was already 3 years ago. This image had brought back so many long forgotten yearnings. I miss my sister and my parents. The memory of my sister and my parents started to fade away, like wavering forms they passed before my clouded sight; their images have become a blur rise about me out of mist and cloud; their faces, and their figures have become shades of phantoms; I wanted to hold you close to me in that blessed fleeting moment when you reappeared to me in my dreams. If only I possessed the strength to draw you near. I wanted to forever remember you—you bear the images of happy days; your airy smiles still stir youthful tremors in my breast—but my memory faltered. It would have been simpler if I were already dead. I would never be seized again by those long forgotten yearnings. I shuddered at those thoughts; and a tear draws other tears. Crying is my only form of release; through crying I am channeled to the solemn and silent world of spirits; crying is my whispered prayer that lingers in a vagrant tone. I have no one to talk to. I live in solitary confinement. I have been driven to madness even though physically I stay put. My life—full of dolor, pain and suffering. Sometimes I wish I could end it. The only reason I continue to live is for otherwise I lack the courage to carry out that final act, to take me beyond and step into the unknown. It is so much better to have been never born at all, or at least to die an immediate death. How sweet and wonderful death would be. My dear Aya, I am so very sorry! A vast space of nothingness in the empty universe fills my heart. Everyday of my life I live in terror because of you. A family dog Growing up, I always felt lonely. My family dog was my only companion. He was a slightly larger than a medium sized dog, with grey and dark fur, and a nozzle that resembled a wolf. He was so cute, so adorable, and he was my only friend. I often played with him in my desperate attempts to communicate with another living being, like Madame Bovary sitting by her fire place in a melancholic longing for escape. I want out!, out of this nonchalant prison of thoughts, out of this cruel alienated society, out of these mind forged manacles whose clanking I hear like looming madness; the marks of domestication on their faces, marks of psychological slavery, marks of intellectual death; they are mere automatons, inanimate objects, so lifeless like straw men, hollow men, stuffed men. I can't bare to look at those miserable beings' faces. In a domesticated dog I see more humanity than the entire humanity. If only my family dog can take me away! And I will elope with him to a happy place, where there is no more sorrow, no more dread, no more cold metallic prison walls of the mind. My family dog was my only friend, and he was my only confidante. To him I entrusted all my deepest secrets. Sometimes I wished I was a dog: no more worries, no more sadness, no more consciousness, no more thoughts, just the need to satisfy my most basic instincts, lying by my owner's feet, worshiping him and completely dependent on him. Sometimes I wish I could have another dog just like the family dog I used to have in Japan. And he will be my husband. I will belong to him. I will be his bitch. I will obey him, crawl under his belly, gently caress his furs with my soft hands, and please him like I would please my husband. And he will be my beast and I will be his beauty. Albeit he will be a gentle beast, always so obedient to me, and yet always so much more aggressive, and animalistic; he will protect me from harm, with his sharp fangs and naturally endowed muscles for chasing down his prey; and yet he will honor me and obey me like a lover would. He will never be jealous, never be angry, as long as he is fed and watered. He will be my best friend.

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