Asian Real Estate Agent Stephanie Kwon Chapter 3

A successful Asian female real estate agent has deceived many people. She finally gets caught and then is turned into a sex slave. She gives up everything for a year to avoid being sent to prison and she is subjected to many humiliating training and painful torture.

Gook Slave Farm

“Where are you taking me?” questioned Stephanie Kwon.

“To my ranch, but a few more stops first slut!” Ron exclaimed.

They rode in silence for a while, the little Asian slut sitting there with the rope collar around her neck. It scratched her delicate skin, but she was afraid to move it or even ask to have it removed. She hated this white man and she didn’t know what else he might do if she questioned him. She was afraid now.

Suddenly, Ron pulled off the road into a vacant parking area. He got out and opened the trunk of the car and stepped to her side of the car.

“Get out cunt!” he ordered as he opened the door.

She fumbled some, but got out and stood looking at him. She looked cute with the rope collar on, he thought

“Please, please let me go. you can have everything, just let me go. I’ll move away and won’t even try to sell real estate again. Please,” she begged.

“Not a chance, gook. One year is what your contract says and it’s going to be one year,” Ron stated. “Strip, cunt!”

“Bbbbuutt, sir, we are outside. Someone could see me.” She was begging now.

“STRIP!” he ordered again, slapping her hard across the face. “NOW!”

Stephanie was crying, but began to remove her clothes. She took everything but her shoes off and he pointed to them, saying, “Those too, cunt”

She bent to take them off. she was now totally naked and shivering from embarrassment.

“Put everything in the trunk and get back up front by the door,” Ron ordered.

She put her clothes in the trunk. She thought to herself, “now I can’t even try to run. i can’t go running around naked like this and besides, where am I? i don’t even know where we are.”

Getting back to the door, he put a blindfold on her, covering her eyes and then helped her in the car. But before closing the door, he pulled her hands toward her back and tied them behind the bucket seat. She couldn’t even move now and couldn’t cover her nakedness.

Next he positioned her legs so she was spread open, her cunt in plain view and he said. “Don’t move from that position, or you’ll pay.”

He shut her door and went to his side. Getting in, he started the car and drove away. She had no idea where he was taking her, but she didn’t like it. She wouldn’t know where she was nor how she got there.

They rode in silence again. Stephanie was afraid to move. She knew he would spank her or worse if she did. She sat there naked, legs spread wide, her cunt open and exposed. He reached over as he drove and played with her cunt, rubbing her clit and sticking his fingers in her. She was getting hot. She didn’t know why she was enjoying this, but her cunt was juicing and running from her cunt onto the seat.

They drove a little further and then she felt the car slowing down. He turned onto a side road and then into a parking lot and stopped. Stephanie heard him get out of the car, but he didn’t come to her side. She sat there terrified, not knowing where she was or what would happen next.

About 10 minutes later, her door opened. It startled her and she jumped, closing her legs. Ron laughed and said, “Did I scare you gook? Now let’s get you out. Spread those legs,” he added, slapping her thigh.

He unhooked her hands and helped her out of the car. She stood outside, not knowing who else might be there. She didn’t hear the car door shut and wondered what was next.

“Look at that mess on my seat!” Yelled Ron. “Your slutty Asian cunt leaked all over my seat. Now, it will have to be cleaned.”

Stephanie was afraid to say or do anything. She just stood still, naked and chilled by the light wind that was blowing. She shivered from the cool air and nervousness from what was happening to her. Why did she ever do those things to get ahead?

“On your knees cunt and lick that mess up!” Ordered her tormentor.

Ron took the hemp rope that was still around her neck and forced her to her knees. The pavement was hard on her knees and she knew they got scraped when he forced her down. Then, he pushed her head down and she made contact with the seat of the car.

“Lick it up Bitch!” he ordered.

she was afraid to do anything but what he said, so she started licking, tasting her own cunt juice. Stephanie had never eaten pussy before, and as she tasted her juice, she thought, “It isn’t too bad.”

Once he was satisfied his seat was clean, he pulled her to her feet by the rope. She choked and gagged as the rope tightened around her throat. she moved quickly to get up so she could breath again.

“Now just follow me. I am going to lead you and you will follow. I will not stop for anything, so you had better keep up and don’t fall down. I would hate to have your precious Asian body all scratched up if I have to drag you.”

With that, she felt the rope pulling her. she quickly started moving, afraid if she hesitated or fell, she would be in a lot of pain. They walked through the parking lot and suddenly they were on gravel. Her feet hurt as soon as she stepped on the little stones, and she stubbed her toes as she walked. But she kept up the pace and followed him.

He stopped suddenly and she bumped into him. He chuckled, knowing she couldn’t tell when he would stop or go or where she was. A door opened and another male voice said, “Hello Ron, come on in. I see you have another one of those gooks to tame.”

“Thank you, Eric. Yes, this little one’s name is Stephanie Kwon and she will be tamed and trained to my specification. I hope you’ll be willing to help with her.”

“Yes, I have some free time and will assist you with her. Let’s get her in here, so we can take the measurements for her new outfit.”

Ron tugged on the rope and led Stephanie into a dark hallway. Of course, she had no idea it was dark, because right now, everything was dark to her. They walked down the hallway to an open room and then went inside. Ron told her to stand still and they would position her in various ways so the measurements could be taken.

She felt hands on her naked body and felt a tape going around her. It was around her neck, her head, her waist, her tits, up her legs, her arms, around her ass and then she felt her legs being pushed apart.

A finger slid into her cunt and grabbed her lips. They stretched her lips as far as they would go and she gasped as they were pulled farther out. They stretched her cunt lips to the limit and then a little more.

“Very good,” said the voice of the one Ron called Eric. “These lips will make a great showing once you get them pierced.”

Stephanie tried to say something, but couldn’t. As soon as her mouth opened, a ball gag was pushed into it and strapped to her head. Now she couldn’t see and couldn’t talk either. She began to cry at the thought of being used and especially at the thought of someone putting holes in her cunt lips.

But her thoughts were interrupted when someone started rubbing her swollen clit. She started wiggling around because it was making her hot. But she didn’t wiggle for long. A loud SLAP on her naked ass with a warning to stand still made her stiff. The rubbing of her clit continued and then, a pain shot through her. A small clamp had been placed at the very tip of her clit and it hurt so much. Then, it was pulled out. She felt her clit growing and being pulled from under the hood. Whoever was pulling on it wouldn’t stop. They just kept pulling and she thought they would pull it all the way off.

Then she felt something cold on her clit and it was pushed into her at the very base of her clit. Her clit was stretched and this cold object was pushing into her. she hurt so much, and tears fell from under the blindfold.

Then everything stopped. Her clit was released and she was led someplace else and picked up. She was placed on a cold table and her feet were placed into stirrups. It reminded her of when she went for her annual gyno exam and the doctor had her in this position to check her vagina.

She was left alone for awhile. She heard the voices again. One was Ron’s and the other was this guy Eric.

Eric said, “Yes, I do believe we can fix what you need. She has some very interesting measurements, Ron. Would you like to hear them?”

“Yes, please do tell me. And give me a copy of them, so I can have them for later use in case I can’t find you.”

“Ok,” said Eric, “Here they are. Her cunt lips are about 1 and 1/2, her clit is only 1/2 and her cunt will open up to take 2 1/2. But I can see she can open up much more if needed. Now her asshole can only take about 3/4 and she can deep throat up to 8. But if you want more for her, it can be done. Now she is able to take a 9 into her cunt right now, but I am sure she can take more if we pushed it.”

“MMMMM,” said Ron, “I think we will need to work on some of the areas, but in time, not right now.”

Stephanie just stood mortified by the way they talked and she was really scared now. She didn’t know what was going to happen next. After all, she was naked and couldn’t see anything that was going on. She just wanted to get away and start everything over again.

The two men continued to talk without even asking her anything. But they talked about her as if she was just a piece of meat and she was so embarrassed about all of it. However, the talk she heard made her wet and she was juicing a lot from it. Stephanie didn’t know why her pussy got so wet, but it did.

Then she heard Ron say, “Well Eric, looks like you have done a great job for me. How would you like a good blow job from this little Asian bitch?”

“Sure, I can always use a good little cocksucker to relieve the tension in my balls.”

“Ok, slut, on your knees and suck my friend!” Ron ordered, as he removed her gag. “And don’t say a word, either.”

Stephanie didn’t move until, “SLAP, SLAP, SLAP,” on her naked ass. Then she got on her knees and as soon as she was down, she felt the head of Eric’s cock enter her mouth and it was big. She really had to stretch her jaws to take him, but she couldn’t refuse because he drove it into her mouth as if it was a pussy.

Eric fucked her mouth and used her like a two-dollared-Asian-whore. She couldn’t do much to stop it, but she wanted it to end. He took her by the hair and fucked her hard and deep and finally he shot his load of cum down her throat. Stephanie had a hard time taking it all and some dribbled out from the corners of her mouth. She was gagging, and choking on the huge load he gave her, but he didn’t quit. Eric just continued to cum and she was doing her best to take it all. She didn’t want to be spanked again and did her best.

Once he finished, he pulled out of her mouth and said, “Wow, Ron, that was some fuck! I haven’t had a blow job like that since you brought that other gook, Amy, to me.”

“Well,” said Ron, ” I guess we need to either get more sluts or I’ll bring the two of them back to you for some more fun”

Eric laughed and said, “How is Amy doing now? Is she still the shy little bitch she used to be?

“No, she has done a wonderful job. You wouldn’t believe how she has become a favorite at the ranch. She actually pulls the carts around with the best of them. She is one of the best pony girls I’ve ever had. But, in time I think this gook might outdo her. I will let Amy or maybe the other cunt Wenwei help with the training.”

 

That gook cunt’s name is hard to pronounce. Give her an English name already.”

“Keeping her chink name is fine. Make her feel more ashamed.”

Cunt, time to go, follow me.”

Stephanie didn’t have much choice as Ron pulled on her lead rope and she had to follow. She still didn’t have any idea where she was or where she was going because she was blindfolded. She had not seen the man who had just took all her measurements nor the cock she had sucked.

She followed Ron without hesitation, because she had no other choice and once they were outside, her feet hurt from the gravel she had to walk on, but she was afraid to say anything. She just walked along behind this horrible man and did as she was told. Stephanie had no idea who else might see her, but right about now she really didn’t care.

They got back to the car and he had her get in, and spread her legs like before, making sure her Asian cunt was well seen. He also tied her hands behind the seat like he did before and told her not to move. In this position, her tits were prominently on display. Stephanie was so scared, she did everything she was told and kept her legs wide apart, never knowing who may see her. She wasn’t really afraid of people seeing her little tits, but she didn’t want them seeing her cunt. She knew, however, that she had no choice at this time.

she sat in silence as Ron got in and drove away. He played with her cunt as they drove, but she was determined not to deny him anything he wanted. She was really wet with her juices and she knew the seat would be soaked whenever they reached their destination.

They drove another 45 minutes and then she felt the car slow down again. Suddenly it stopped and she was once again wondering what would happen next. She heard Ron open his door and then her door opened.

“Get out, cunt.”

She quickly got out and followed Ron as he lead her once again through some gravel and then grass. She still had no idea where she was, but knew if she didn’t do what she was told, her ass or face would be slapped.

Stephanie heard some voices and knew this time it was female. she heard Ron say that he wanted something pierced and she was afraid because she was going to get her cunt lips pierced. At least that’s what Ron said.

Stephanie was led inside another building, but with a blindfold on, she had no idea where it was. She was told to sit and open her legs. She hesitated until she was slapped on her thighs and she immediately opened her legs after that.

The next thing she felt was someone pulling on her cunt lips. They stretched the lips out and said, “Ok, not a problem, but she has some small ones, so it might take some time.”

“That’s ok, take all the time you want,” she heard Ron reply. Her cunt lips were pulled out as far as they would go and the female voice said, “Ok, I can do this with no problem”

“Good,” said Ron, “I’m going next door for a drink. Do what you have to do, but make sure she has at least two rings in each cunt lip. And, Lan Ping, if you want, let her lick you a little, ha, ha, ha.”

“I can do that Ron,” said the female. “Now leave us alone.”

Stephanie wasn’t sure what was going on, but she knew she wasn’t going to like it. she sat with her legs wide apart, not knowing who was looking at her.

Then she felt something grab her cunt lip and pull it. It hurt her at first, but her cunt was so wet now, she was almost ready to cum.

“Wet little thing aren’t you? We will have to dry it up some before I can do anything.”

Stephanie felt a towel of some kind wiping away her juices and then something else was put on her. This was cold and her cunt seemed to shrivel up from it.

“Ooohhhh, cold!” cried Stephanie.

“Hush now little one and it will be over with soon.”

Then she felt the prick in her left lip and she jumped, trying to get away from it.

“you have to sit still or this will cut those little lips right off. Maybe I should tie you down.”

Stephanie tried not to move, and she cried. But with the stinging in her lip once again she jumped. Then it stopped. She felt something going around her body and when it was tightened around her, she couldn’t move.

Then this Lan Ping-person began again, trying to sooth her by being nice to her. She told Stephanie to relax and it would all be done soon, but she had to do as Master Ron had ordered, or he would punish them both.

Stephanie cried as her lips had the holes put into them and she could feel the cold metal of the rings being inserted. Once Lan Ping had them all in she sat back to examine her work and enjoy the view of Stephanie’s wide open cunt.

All was quiet as Stephanie sat in that chair, her legs wide apart and Lan Ping watching her. She was making sure there was no blood or other problems with her work. She reached over to pull on each ring. It wasn’t a hard pull, just enough to stretch the lips a little and make sure each ring was set in right. She closed the clasps, which made them all a permanent part of her body.

Lan Ping was thinking back to the others she had done for Ron and he told her each time to get some if she wished. But so far, she had not let any of the girls lick her, even though she had thought about it. Maybe she would this time. she knew Ron would be next door for awhile. He was well liked in the bar and figured he would be getting sucked off right about now by some of the gook sluts employed there.

Lan Ping tilted the chair in which Stephanie sat backward, and reached back to Stephanie and rubbed her cunt lips and then thought some more of how she would love to have this sweet young Asian girl lick her pussy. So, she pulled her dress up and her panties down and slowly climbed over the girl’s face. she was unsure if she would enjoy it or not, but she wanted to try this time. For some reason, Stephanie really made her hot.

Lowering her crotch down to Stephanie’s face, she said “Ok, show me what you can do with that tongue.”

Stephanie started moving her head back and forth, trying to avoid having a pussy forced upon her. She had never done this with another woman before and she wasn’t about to this time either.

But, this Lan Ping-person wasn’t going to give up either. So, as Stephanie was trying to avoid the contact, Lan Ping lowered her crotch right down to Stephanie’s mouth and now she had no choice.

Stephanie had her first pussy right on her lips and she figured out she had better start doing something or she would suffocate, so she put her tongue out and licked. Lan Ping was enjoying that and raised just a little so Stephanie could breath, but still be in contact with her pussy. And each time Stephanie quit, her air supply was cut off again until she licked some more.

In time, Stephanie started really liking this pussy and Lan Ping moved back and forth with her in order to get all of this hot little tongue. She would move up to get her clit licked and then back down to get the tongue in her slit. She rode this captured little slut for all she was worth and she was having a great time. It was a sight to be marveled, as two Asian sluts pleasured each other.

Then she started cumming on Stephanie’s face, knowing she would make her face so wet. She came hard. She had never cum like this before and was really enjoying it. She thought to herself, “Wonder why I never took advantage of those others he brought to me.”

Lan Ping came for a long time and when she did, her pussy was smothering Stephanie, almost to the point of making her black out. But Lok jumped up really quick when all of a sudden there was clapping.

“That was great, Lan Ping, glad to see you took advantage of this hot little slut.”

It was Ron who had come back and saw the show. He was smiling at what he had seen. He knew Lan Ping would want more sometime, and maybe she would give him a little pussy, too. But for now had to get on the road again and Lan Ping could wait.

But before they left, he said, “You still got those bells I left with you?”

“Yes, I’ll get them,” Lan Ping replied. She disappeared for a moment and then returned with 4 little bells in her hand. Stephanie heard the ringing as she walked back into the room.

“Ok, let’s get them on and we’ll be on our way.”

stephanie felt her pussy lips being played with again and then she was untied from her position. She was made to stand up and with each movement, the bells rang and didn’t stop as Ron led her out of the building, back through the grass and gravel and into the car.

Once again, she was tied to the seat and her legs were ordered wide open for another ride. But to where, she did not know.

Stephanie sat in the truck, naked, with her legs spread wide open so her cunt was very visible and she was blindfolded with her hands tied behind her to the seat. She had no idea where they were going or even where she had been, but she knew she had sucked cocks and eaten a pussy along with having her cunt lips pierced. She didn’t know what her future would be like, but knew that she was captured and would be used for one full year by this man who had caught her cheating in the real estate market.

After riding for a long time in silence, she was startled when Ron spoke to her.

“Now, cunt, don’t you feel bad about cheating all those people just to make some extra money, that is now half mine?”

“Yyyyeesss, Sssir!” she replied not knowing what else to say.

“And you would do anything to go back in time, right?”

Again she replied, “Yesss, Sssirr!”

“Very good cunt, you will do anything, won’t you?”

“Yessss, Sirrr. Sir, I have to pee!”

Stephanie felt the truck slow down and then she noticed it turned off the road. She knew it was going to the left and she had no idea where he was taking her. They drove a short time more and then the truck stopped.

Stephanie heard his door open and then her door was opened and she was released from her bonds. “Ok, cunt, get out, and pee!”

Stephanie got out and didn’t know exactly what to do. She had been told to squat and pee, but she had no idea where she was going to do it. She asked, “Sirrrr, where is the bathroom?”

“Hahahahaha, your bathroom, slut, is right here, beside the road. Now piss if you have to or get your fucking ass back in the truck!”

Stephanie didn’t know what else to do and she had to pee bad, so she squatted and started pissing. About half way through her pee, she heard a horn blowing and she cut it off. she was so afraid that someone had seen her peeing, she couldn’t get it going again.

“Ok, slut, get your cheating ass back in so we can get moving.”

Stephanie got up so red faced and so humiliated, and made her way back to the truck where she was once again tied and had to open her legs. She felt Ron reach between her legs, pulling gently on her rings, causing the bells to tinkle. She immediately began to juice, and was humiliated that he had so quickly gained control of her body.

“Does my little cunt wish to beg for something?” Ron asked.

She said nothing, trying to control her mounting emotions. He continued to tease her, lightly running his fingers along her pussy lips, , and his little finger snaked inside her wet cunt.

“Please,” she begged.

“Please what, slut?” Ron asked, knowing exactly what she desired.

“Please don’t, Sir, please.”

“Please don’t what, slut?”

“Please…please fuck me, Sir,” she whimpered.

Her comment brought a smile to Ron’s face, but he had no intention of satisfying her so quickly. He pulled his hands away from her pussy, adding, “No, slut, not now. Someday soon you will beg for my cock, beg as if your very life depends on it. But not now.” And he moved back to his driving position.

She bit her lip, unable to come up with any retort. But she was feeling things she had never felt before.

They drove in silence for awhile longer, with her naked body on full display to whomever was close by, then she felt the truck slow again and turn off the road. It was a bumpy ride and she was working up to another cum when suddenly the truck stopped again and she was released from her bonds and told to get out.

Stephanie got out of the truck and felt a tug on her rope leash and she had no choice but to follow. She still had no idea where she was. But she did know that she wasn’t going to like it, wherever she was.

Here she was, naked and blindfolded, her cunt lips hurt from what was put in them, but she couldn’t do anything about it. She was afraid to touch herself to see what made it hurt so bad, but she did hear the tinkle of her bells, and knew she was marked like an animal.

Stephanie was led to another area, walking on soft sand. She followed like she should have and was careful not to fall down. Finally they stopped, with her running into a solid object. It was Ron and he laughed when she didn’t stop when he did.

“Ok, I see everyone is here,” said Ron. “I want you all to meet our new little gook pet. This is stephanie Kwon. She was the real estate agent who fucked over my parents.”

Stephanie heard gasps and some laughter from the others, but she still had no idea who they were or where she was. Then she heard Ron tell someone named Amy to take her to the stables and get her ready for some lessons.

The next thing she felt was her hemp rope being pulled and a female voice say, “Ok ,gook slut, follow me!”

She really hated being called that, but at this point, what could she say or do. All she knew is that she was going to get out of all of this somehow, but had yet to figure out the details. And her pussy was dripping juice down her legs. She had no idea what to do about that, even though she was trying hard not to get wet there.

Stephanie was led away from all the people and then she felt the hard concrete. She was walking on a solid surface, being pulled by some other Asian female called Amy. They walked for awhile and then the voice told her to stop. Stephanie did as she was told and then had to listen.

“Look, i know you don’t like this, and I didn’t either at first. But, you will be treated well as long as you listen and obey. Yes, you will be used, but just let it happen and you’ll get used to it.”

Stephanie listened, taking in every word. She now knew from the accent that this girl was also from Taiwan and she thought maybe if they could be together enough, they could plan an escape. But, she had to make friends with this Amy first and get her to listen in order to escape.

Amy said, “Now, i am going to remove your blindfold and I have to do certain things to you to begin your lessons. Don’t try to get away from me, because if you do, you’ll pay with a whipping. I know, because it happened to me. The best thing you can do is just do as you’re told and everything will be much more pleasant for you.”

The blindfold was removed and it took some time for her to adjust her eyes to the bright lights, but once she did, she saw before her a beautiful little Asian girl, all naked, and she had the same bells in her pussy lips as Stephanie did. But she also noticed this girl had them in her nipples and it looked like her clit too. She was mesmerized by the beauty of this girl and knew she would eventually being doing a lot of things with her. Stephanie was actually turned on by the girl and wanted her. She had eaten someone else in the past few hours, but had no idea what she looked like. But, she did taste good and she knew this one would be just as tasty.

Stephanie was asked if she had any questions before she was cleaned up and made ready for lesson one.

“Yes, where am I?” she inquired.

“On the Master’s gook slave farm. We are far from any other home, so don’t think you can escape. Whatever you did to Master, you will fully pay the penalty.”

“How long have you been here,” Stephanie asked.

“I’m not sure. Maybe 10 or 11 months. Maybe longer. My terms of slavery were to last for one year, but I’m not sure when that time will be up. i think that is enough questions for now. Master wants you prepared for your first lessons, and that is what we must do.”

Author: inferiorasian

I have been a very confused—some might say very conflicted—girl ever since I can remember and I have always lived in a fantasy world of my own making. I was born in Japan, my mother is Chinese and my father is Japanese, and my father's mother or my grandmother was German Dutch, and I came to the United States as a teenager and lived and went to school in Maryland, and worked in New York. I lived in fantasy worlds since I was a teenager and I have always done so, sometimes so deep in my own fantasy I forgot my own identity. I no longer knew who I am. Physically I look more European than asian. My father is of mixed heritage—he has white blond hair, but he also has some distinctly Japanese features. On the other hand my features mostly resembled my grandmother, who was a full blooded European woman. Which was not something that really bothered me. Actually most modern Japanese look very European compared to the rest of asians. My father was a sadist, and my mother, on the other hand, was, in my opinion, a masochist with no self respect. Growing up, seeing my father beating my mother was almost as frequent as having dinner, and when not beating her, she was constantly being humiliated and degraded, like having to serve dinner to him naked on her knees or being tied to an utility pole only in her panties during the winter. At first I believed my mother was a victim, a unfortunate human being in the hands of a cruel evil man, but as I grew older I realized that it was my mother who enjoyed being treated this way. The initial realization made me feel she was a disgusting, perverted, sick person, but as I grew older I began to have the almost identical sexual fantasies that my mother lived and experienced through. I began to think that my mother was the luckiest woman on earth since apparently she had found a man who understood her desires and could give them to her. My dad studied and worked in America before, and during that period he desperately wanted to marry a white woman, and vehemently pursued several white women, but was unsuccessful. At the same time Japanese women were unwilling to marry him. Maybe because just like him they were looking to marry into the white race, or maybe because he had sadistic tendencies. Out of options he settled to look for a Chinese woman. Statistically, marriages between Chinese women and Japanese men have been quite common, and I personally knew quite a few couples just like my mother and father. Even here in America I knew several Chinese women who had Japanese boyfriends and those women were actually quite proud of having superior Japanese men as boyfriends. Japanese in general look much more European compared to other asians and I suspect it was the putative European appearance that attracts other asian women. Of course Japanese are not Europeans, no matter how much we try to become European, just as Jews will never be fully accepted as White Christians. I think Jews and Japanese have a lot in common. We were both persecuted by Europeans, the Jews by Germans, and Japanese by Americans, yet we both come to love our white Masters. Jews weren't officially considered white until very recently, and I think as time progresses eventually Japanese will be categorized as white in the future, though Jews and Japanese will always know that they are still inferior to their Nordic Masters. But as always the Jews will be Masters over the Arabs and the Japanese will be Masters over the rest of Asia. There is no other meaning to life, other than the degree of domination. I had an older sister who looked fully asian, as opposed to me who looked much more European. And ever since childhood I have always known for a fact that I was treated better by everyone else because of my distinctly European appearance. In school classmates would be hesitant to tease me because they always thought my father might be an American or an European man even though they knew my mother was Chinese but somehow they still were afraid of me solely because of my European appearance. The thing was that in Japanese naming system, my mother's last name automatically gets attached to mine, so for example, my name in Japanese would actually be "Suzuki Liu Jennifer", because my mother's maiden name is Liu; this way everyone would instantly know my mother is Chinese. On the other hand my sister was bullied almost everyday by upper classmates because she looked very Chinese. They made fun of her hair and clothes and told her that she looked like a Chinese pig and I had seen boys pulling down her pants and laughing at her for having a "Chinese vagina". I was a very young girl back then and I felt ashamed of having her as a sister so in school I didn't talk to her at all. When I was 12 years old, she committed suicide by hanging herself in her closet. I know this because I was the one who discovered her body. My parents would have never told me about her death if I did not saw her dead body by myself. And ever since her death a dark cloud formed over my head and throughout my teenager years I was constantly harrowed by thoughts of suicide. It was not until I was much older that I learned suicide is infectious and that had been why I was constantly thinking about suicide. The realization made me try not to think too much about death, but no matter how much I try I can never get her image out of my head. Sometimes I feel she still haunts me because I didn't talk to her in school. My parents divorced when I was 14 and I went to live with my mom in China for two years. Contrary to popular beliefs, I had never experienced any form of racism or discrimination against me when I was living in China. Most people assumed that I was an European girl and the aura of being European seemed to make me inapproachable, like the shield of Athena covering me from head to toe. Even when I was in school, when classmates would know my father was Japanese because of my last name, I had never really felt any discrimination, though I did feel they were kind of afraid of me. I had never realized how much being White meant until I was in America: the symbol of power, domination, and superiority that being White implies. Being White is being the entelechy of all that is beautiful, good and righteous. Which is strange because my nationality still is, in actuality, Japanese and as I grew older I started to look more asian. My hair has gotten completely dark and my looks started to resemble my mother's. I used to have very light-colored hair, but I just felt fortunate that I do not look fully asian like my sister was. When I saw this image [of a naked asian woman kneeling next to a black furred dog] in a Japanese SM magazine a few days ago, all of a sudden I remembered seeing my mother in a similar position when I was maybe just 5 or 6 years old. It was not a pleasant experience; it was an extremely scary and traumatic experience, and growing up I heard constant moaning and muffled screams coming from my parents' bedroom. Every evening was a nightmare to fall asleep. But knowing that many asian women were treated the same way as my mother had been treated somehow made me feel better about my own family. At least my parents were not as weird as they seemed, and while growing up I had gradually come to realize that many asian girls have the same masochistic tendencies as I do, but many were just very shy and wouldn't admit their secrets. So it seems there are many masochistic asian women out there who thrives on been humiliated and degraded just like the girl in this image; I don't know why but this image made me feel kind of normal. I have lived in the States for nearly ten years now and I have not talked to my parents, who had divorced, for several years, especially to my mother whom I had some very severe arguments with over the years, especially when she remarried after she went back to China. I was more fond of my father though I haven't really talked to him that much either because he too had remarried. Despite all the mean things I had said about my dad, he was always very gentle with me and never beat me. He beat my sister and my mother but never me and I suspect he was much more gentle with me because of my more European looks. I felt their divorce was a punishment for me, as if they had abandoned me and I never felt comfortable with either of them or their new spouses, whether it be in China or in Japan. My mother's new husband was a very cruel and domineering white man living in China and he never treated me with the same special treatment I received from my dad. And I remember one time when I went out with him people on the street mistook me for his wife and I felt so disgusted I never wanted to go out with him again and then he would yell at me and yell at my mom. I am glad to have gotten out of there. And my dad ... well let's just say I couldn't bear to coexist with his new wife either. The last time we talked was already 3 years ago. This image had brought back so many long forgotten yearnings. I miss my sister and my parents. The memory of my sister and my parents started to fade away, like wavering forms they passed before my clouded sight; their images have become a blur rise about me out of mist and cloud; their faces, and their figures have become shades of phantoms; I wanted to hold you close to me in that blessed fleeting moment when you reappeared to me in my dreams. If only I possessed the strength to draw you near. I wanted to forever remember you—you bear the images of happy days; your airy smiles still stir youthful tremors in my breast—but my memory faltered. It would have been simpler if I were already dead. I would never be seized again by those long forgotten yearnings. I shuddered at those thoughts; and a tear draws other tears. Crying is my only form of release; through crying I am channeled to the solemn and silent world of spirits; crying is my whispered prayer that lingers in a vagrant tone. I have no one to talk to. I live in solitary confinement. I have been driven to madness even though physically I stay put. My life—full of dolor, pain and suffering. Sometimes I wish I could end it. The only reason I continue to live is for otherwise I lack the courage to carry out that final act, to take me beyond and step into the unknown. It is so much better to have been never born at all, or at least to die an immediate death. How sweet and wonderful death would be. My dear Aya, I am so very sorry! A vast space of nothingness in the empty universe fills my heart. Everyday of my life I live in terror because of you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s